Heart's Desire by Catherine Lanigan

scratched the back of her neck and shook her short hair. She walked over to the line of six mixers, each a different jewel color to help her remember which cake was which when she was making up the batters.
    She dumped sticks of salted butter into each stainless-steel bowl, lowered the beaters and turned on the machines to cream the butter.
    As she measured out sugar, placing each measuring cup beside each mixer, she wondered just how much being a franchise owner was going to actually change her life.
    Right now, her psyche was a tangled ball of string that rolled around in her belly, keeping her awake at night. Being honest with herself, she had to admit that she used her business to explain the fact that she couldn’t sleep and hadn’t slept the whole night through since Nate left Indian Lake.
    She’d come to rely on her ability to blame Nate for all the pain in her life. Frankly, she should have meted it out a bit further. Her mother’s lack of love was to blame for her feelings of inadequacy. Yet at the same time, because Maddie was so fiercely driven to prove she was better than her mother, that she could have a better life than her mother, her success was in part due to her mother.
    Nate’s impact on her life was the fuel she needed to push herself beyond her limits and take risks she might not have taken otherwise. She’d jumped at the chance to open the café with Ann Marie’s help. She’d pursued each of her trademarks and patents with a vengeance. Buried deep in her heart had been the absolute necessity to prove herself to Nate. Secretly, she’d always known she would see him again someday. In those first weeks and months, even years, since he’d left Indian Lake, she’d looked for him down every street and at every gathering. She’d thought he would come back for her. But he never had.
    And now, here he was.
    But for what purpose?
    He hadn’t rushed to see her or call her. He’d spent more time talking to Luke than anyone else in town. Of course, after that punch she’d delivered, he’d probably never speak to her. She was surprised that she still felt a small pinch of rejection at the edges of her heart. She was surprised that he could still hurt her. She didn’t know why his actions would elicit any response from her at all.
    It made no sense.
    Maybe she needed to see a counselor as Sarah had done when she went to the bereavement group. Maybe a trained professional could explain the psychology to Maddie. Yes, that was what needed to be done. Then she could check Nate off her list for good.
    Maddie, you fool. You thought you were over Nate years ago . She swiped her palm over her face. Seventeen. What does anyone know at seventeen?
    Being excruciatingly brutal about herself, Maddie accepted that back in high school, she had loved Nate. She had loved him completely, utterly, naively, with that kind of first love that only the young experience. The kind of love that allows the young to dive head, heart and soul first without reservation or experience to throw off caution and red flags. It was this young love that Maddie had read about in poetry and the romantic novels in high school. Perhaps her studies had meant so much to her back then because that world of emotion was the world in which she was immersed with Nate.
    It was a childhood thing.
    But not a childish thing, she had now come to realize.
    She and Nate had both gone their separate ways, growing and changing their views of the world. Or maybe they hadn’t changed so much.
    The fact was that Nate had come back here to Indian Lake.
    Nate was a doctor now. He’d fulfilled his dream, and she was happy about that.
    Maddie hauled a twenty-five-pound bag of flour out of the bottom cabinet. She felt the muscles strain in her lower back.
    Maddie had to admit she couldn’t keep up this pace for much longer. She was going to need her rest or she’d get sick. For the first time, she seriously considered hiring someone to help her do the night