practical."
I wanted to scream.
"One more thing," he said, very softly. "Never ask about my eldest son again. Never speak his name. He's dead to you."
After Tom left, something cracked inside me.
He didn't say Hawk was dead.
He said dead to you .
Alexis
Now
"I'm going to kill him," Hawk says, softly.
I tense and suck in a breath. "You can't. Hawk, you can't do that."
"Why not?" he growls.
His arms tighten around my waist, I rest my hands on his and wriggle in his lap. He breathes on my scalp and sniffs at my hair.
"If you do that, they'll take you away from me again."
"You're right," he says, softly. "So what I am I supposed to do? I'm not leaving unless you come with me."
"I can't leave May."
He sighs, exasperated. "Bring her, too."
"How?" I say, turning. "Hawk, she's a minor. If we take her with us and run, they'll use her age against us. We'll go to jail and May will end up back here with your father."
Hawk goes quiet for a while. "There has to be something I can do."
"I don't know, I…"
I trail off and watch more rockets sail skyward. The big part of the display is spinning up now. We're running out of time.
"There's something I haven't told you."
"What?" he says. "Tell me."
"I've been working on getting him to trust me for years. When they let me out of the hospital I was terrified-"
His arms tighten around me again.
"-I did whatever he said, for months, through the next year. Then I realized May was going to be stuck in this hell even longer, even if I found a way to escape. I was thinking about escape. It started when I was off for the summer from my first year of school. I kept looking for a way to get away. Even something as silly as going on a class trip or something and just walking off, but Tom would never let me go if he even had a whiff that I was thinking about leaving, and I was sure he'd find me."
A popping rocket interrupts me, and we both go quiet as the main display starts. Music blasts from loudspeakers, starting with the 1812 Overture . I go quiet and watch while Hawk holds me. I rest my head on his chest and let myself relax, rising and falling with his breathing. He radiates strength in a weird way. I feel safe, even if I'm in grave danger sitting here with him like this.
"What happened?" he asks, as the music dies down.
"I met somebody."
He perks up. "What?"
"No, not like that," I roll my eyes. "May was having issues at school. She brought home a note and told me she wanted me to call instead of Mom. I knew it was a bad idea, but it was May. It was this past year. Her English teacher wanted to talk to me. Said May was sullen and flighty at school, and she was worried that May was being abused."
"She is," Hawk growls.
"Yeah, nobody touches her, thank God, but it's hurting her. She's getting weird," my voice tightens, coils up. "I'm worried they'll do to her what they did to me, only keep her longer, if she acts out or tries to leave. Nobody will help us."
"I will," he says.
I choke out a sob. "I needed you. I needed you and you didn't come. I kept expecting you to burst through the door and rescue me."
He holds me tighter and I feel his lips on my neck. His breath tickles my skin.
"I'm so sorry. If I knew I'd have come."
"Wouldn't you get in trouble? Have to go to Navy jail or something?"
"I'd worry about that later. Nothing matters to me like you do, Alex. You're the only person I've ever known that I felt I truly had a connection with, besides…"
Besides his mother, but he doesn't say it.
"You really think your dad killed her," I whisper.
"I don't think it. I know it, and I want to hurt him for it. The only thing he could use against me is you."
"He still can. We're never going to be safe here. I don't think you should stay."
I blurt it out without thinking. Hawk tenses.
"No. I'm not leaving. I will stand my ground. This is my home. You’re my…."
He trails off.
His what? Best friend? Lover?
"What am I?"
"What do you want to be?"
"Stop evading the
I wanted to scream.
"One more thing," he said, very softly. "Never ask about my eldest son again. Never speak his name. He's dead to you."
After Tom left, something cracked inside me.
He didn't say Hawk was dead.
He said dead to you .
Alexis
Now
"I'm going to kill him," Hawk says, softly.
I tense and suck in a breath. "You can't. Hawk, you can't do that."
"Why not?" he growls.
His arms tighten around my waist, I rest my hands on his and wriggle in his lap. He breathes on my scalp and sniffs at my hair.
"If you do that, they'll take you away from me again."
"You're right," he says, softly. "So what I am I supposed to do? I'm not leaving unless you come with me."
"I can't leave May."
He sighs, exasperated. "Bring her, too."
"How?" I say, turning. "Hawk, she's a minor. If we take her with us and run, they'll use her age against us. We'll go to jail and May will end up back here with your father."
Hawk goes quiet for a while. "There has to be something I can do."
"I don't know, I…"
I trail off and watch more rockets sail skyward. The big part of the display is spinning up now. We're running out of time.
"There's something I haven't told you."
"What?" he says. "Tell me."
"I've been working on getting him to trust me for years. When they let me out of the hospital I was terrified-"
His arms tighten around me again.
"-I did whatever he said, for months, through the next year. Then I realized May was going to be stuck in this hell even longer, even if I found a way to escape. I was thinking about escape. It started when I was off for the summer from my first year of school. I kept looking for a way to get away. Even something as silly as going on a class trip or something and just walking off, but Tom would never let me go if he even had a whiff that I was thinking about leaving, and I was sure he'd find me."
A popping rocket interrupts me, and we both go quiet as the main display starts. Music blasts from loudspeakers, starting with the 1812 Overture . I go quiet and watch while Hawk holds me. I rest my head on his chest and let myself relax, rising and falling with his breathing. He radiates strength in a weird way. I feel safe, even if I'm in grave danger sitting here with him like this.
"What happened?" he asks, as the music dies down.
"I met somebody."
He perks up. "What?"
"No, not like that," I roll my eyes. "May was having issues at school. She brought home a note and told me she wanted me to call instead of Mom. I knew it was a bad idea, but it was May. It was this past year. Her English teacher wanted to talk to me. Said May was sullen and flighty at school, and she was worried that May was being abused."
"She is," Hawk growls.
"Yeah, nobody touches her, thank God, but it's hurting her. She's getting weird," my voice tightens, coils up. "I'm worried they'll do to her what they did to me, only keep her longer, if she acts out or tries to leave. Nobody will help us."
"I will," he says.
I choke out a sob. "I needed you. I needed you and you didn't come. I kept expecting you to burst through the door and rescue me."
He holds me tighter and I feel his lips on my neck. His breath tickles my skin.
"I'm so sorry. If I knew I'd have come."
"Wouldn't you get in trouble? Have to go to Navy jail or something?"
"I'd worry about that later. Nothing matters to me like you do, Alex. You're the only person I've ever known that I felt I truly had a connection with, besides…"
Besides his mother, but he doesn't say it.
"You really think your dad killed her," I whisper.
"I don't think it. I know it, and I want to hurt him for it. The only thing he could use against me is you."
"He still can. We're never going to be safe here. I don't think you should stay."
I blurt it out without thinking. Hawk tenses.
"No. I'm not leaving. I will stand my ground. This is my home. You’re my…."
He trails off.
His what? Best friend? Lover?
"What am I?"
"What do you want to be?"
"Stop evading the
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