Having Nathan's Baby by Fran Louise Page A

intimidated. “I’ll start showing soon. I’ve got enough on my plate without trying to worm my way into a job on false pretences.”
    “Sounds like you do, indeed, ” she agreed.
    I sipped my water. There seemed no point in embellishing.
    “Are you taking yourself out of the race?” she asked.
    “No.”
    This amused Hilary. I placed my cup down. She seemed to think for a moment; her eyes darted over my features with that same curious smile. “A lot of people would be forgiven for thinking the race is over already. It clearly isn’t the right time for you to be taking up the kind of workload and responsibility associated with a partnership.”
    “Do you believe that?”
    “I most certainly do,” she said.
    “Yet you manage this firm and you have two kids at home.”
    This time Hilary’s amusement surfaced. “I took three, nearly four years out of my career to have children, Chloe. Sure, I was here every day, but only in body. My head was a shell-shocked mess. I’m not saying that all women will approach it the same way; there’s certainly not going to be any judgment on my side if you choose to hire a full-time nanny and devote yourself to the partnership…” My expression softened. “You’re a perfectionist, Chloe. I can’t see you hiring someone else to raise your children.”
    The truth was more complicated than that, but as a short summation, Hilary had argued a strong case. She was not wrong.
    “I’d already paid my dues as a partner when I had my children,” Hilary said. “You’ve chosen a particularly lousy time to start a family, if I may say so. I managed to cling on to my position until the kids were a little older and I could focus again on my career.” She frowned. “But make no mistake; it is not an easy path trying to have both, at any stage. You’ll have to make sacrifices.”
    That word again! Honestly, I was starting to feel like a wayward teen being lectured by various well-meaning adults. Didn’t they think I was aware of sacrifice? Didn’t they realize that the path to this partnership had been full of sacrifice? I buried the idea as quickly as it occurred; it had been sacrifice I’d gladly made and I refused to dwell on that now.
    Hilary studied me once again. “Do you seriously believe you can juggle a newborn and a partnership at the same time?”
    I frowned. “No.”
    “Then, why-?”
    “I don’t know what else to do. I’ve been working towards this for so long now ... I just want to see it through to the end. Bowing out now...” I let my head drop for a moment, gathering some strength. “Bowing out now isn’t really something I can do. But there’s no point in an empty victory; I want to – I mean, I would have wanted to enjoy the partnership, give it my best. Not take two years out and eventually get fired.”
    “I’m not sure I understand-”
    “Hilary, I just want to be judged on merit.” I wrung my hands in my lap. “I’d rather the other partners didn’t know until absolutely necessary. Then, if I was meant to get the position, I’ll know that for next time around. And whoever gets the role will know they weren’t first choice.” My smile rallied. “I think Spencer would appreciate being able to hold that over Jed Kaufmann’s head, presuming he’s the race favorite.”
    “You’re the race favorite,” Hilary responded sternly.
    “I know I am, and I plan to see it out to the end, even if I can’t take the position.” I stiffened. “I worked for it; why shouldn’t I?”
    Hilary smiled, but there wasn’t a lot of humor in it. She seemed sad, and perhaps a little impatient. “Never mind the fact that you’re wasting everybody’s time, I suppose?”
    “I’m keeping Jed Kaufmann on his toes. Surely that’s only going to help in the long run.” I dipped my head, flushing slightly at the challenge to my superior. “Unless you want him sliding into first base and walking the rest of the home run without any effort.”
    Hilary