Have a New Husband by Friday by Kevin Leman Page A

someone to do the mattress mambo with for a night or two; they’re not looking for a long-term relationship.
    I ask you, is the environment of a bar what you want for your home? For you? For your children? Is a man who will hang out in bars really the kind of man you want as your lifelong partner?
    Can this type of man change? It’s possible. But it would take a lightning hit from the Almighty. Some men are just losers. They’re not capable of being the kind of strong men who are able to love a woman and treat her the way she deserves. Perhaps it’s due to their background—the way they were treated at home (or the lack of a home) as they were growing up. Maybe it’s due to their chemical dependency. But some men are downright incapable of thinking of anyone but themselves.
    Can this type of man change? It’s possible. But it would take a lightning hit from the Almighty.
    If this is the case for you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you married a man who isn’t capable of being a good lover or of thinking of anyone other than himself. You know now that you made a lousy choice; back then you were blinded by what you thought was love but what became rigid control and possessiveness.
    If it comforts you, you are not alone. The world is full of such men. In my counseling practice, I’ve met some guys who are—to put it mildly—creeps. They’d bed anything that moved, and they just about do. They break their vows of marital faithfulness over and over again.
    One man told me, in front of his wife, “I’m a good husband. I’ve only had four or five other women since I’ve been married. I don’t know why that’s not good enough for her.”
    You know what my advice was to that woman, after several counseling sessions of hearing the same kind of nonsense from her husband? “Dump the chump!” Without intervention from almighty God, that man was simply incapable of love, and that woman and her children had suffered under him for 23 years. Now her children were out of the home, and that woman needed and deserved to be free of his abuse. She had paid for her crime of falling in love with him for long enough.
    If you look backward in your relationship, do you see early signs that your husband was a controller? Did you make excuses for him? The profile for a controller is that he’s always right. When he’s wrong, it’s someone else’s fault, never his. So he always needs a scapegoat. And his psychological (or physical) punching bag is . . . guess who? You.
    It has to stop. Now.
    Maybe when you married him, you thought you could change him. You’ve spent your entire marriage trying to accomplish that, and it’s not working. He may have a decent job, but morally he’s bankrupt. Behaviorally he’s bankrupt because he didn’t grow up in a healthy environment. He’s patterning the dishonesty, arrogance, laziness, infidelity, and abuse he saw in his own home. If you started out with a man who came from a dysfunctional background, the chances of your husband doing a 180 are slim, even if you follow every principle in this book.
    Can such a man change? Sure, there’s always hope. But spiritual renewal is about the only way I know of to change that guy. You can try to rub the stripes off that zebra until your hands are raw, but he’ll still be a zebra, not a horse.
    If you don’t start with good, quality material in building your house, the foundation will crack, then the walls, and eventually the entire house will cave in. The foundation of your marriage has to be built right—cemented with the mortar of trust, mutual admiration, mutual respect, and kindness. Without that, you need to be realistic: your marriage isn’t going to last. Or if it does, at what price? What price will you and your children (if any) pay by allowing your husband to continue treating you as he is?
    Some women live every day with a husband who drinks, carouses, parties, and picks up and sleeps with other women. Is that really what you want the rest