Has to Be Love by Jolene Perry Page A

Columbia,” I blurt out and then slap my hand over my mouth.
    â€œWhat?” His whole face lightens. He pushes off the stall and scoots until he’s cross-legged and facing me. “You got in to Columbia? From here?”
    I nod again. The reality of me having a chance to go to that school is just …
    Rhodes laughs. “We could be in the same classes!”
    I shake my head before closing my eyes.
    â€œWhat’s that, Clara?” he asks. “How are you not jumping up and down? Is it a money thing?”
    I shake my head. “I know it would be tight, but Mom and Dad have always saved for me. I think, with some student loans, it could be doable.”
    â€œClara. I mean … wow.”
    I finally open my eyes. “I can’t go. Not this year.”
    Rhodes snorts. “Uh … why not? Why would you jeopardize your chances? Not all deferments are accepted, you know. You have to have a really good reason.”
    â€œI’m …” I swallow. I don’t know how to tell Rhodes that there’s no way I can go there looking the way I do. “I just have things to do first.”
    â€œDoes this have to do with Elias?” he asks with so much disdain and contempt that I push to standing.
    â€œNo!” I press my hands to my heated cheeks. “No. You wouldn’t understand.”
    Rhodes is in front of me, bent forward to look in my eyes. I want him to look smug or annoyed, but instead his brow is all wrinkled with worry. “Clara?”
    I blink because I’m once again standing in front of Rhodes in the barn and now I’m almost crying. “I have homework.”
    He frowns. “I wish you’d tell me what the hang-up is so I can help. Columbia might not be for everybody, but Clara … I think I know you well enough to know how much you’d absolutely love it. Think about what it would be like to go to school with people who do the required reading for fun.”
    Amazing.
    â€œI have to go.” I step around him and start for the barn door, heart pounding.
    â€œIt’s a big deal to get in, Clara. Someone saw something in you. Don’t let them down.”
    It’s too much. I have Elias. I love him. I have a dad to prepare for my departure. I have a face to fix …
    Someone saw something in you … Don’t let them down …
    My stomach tightens as if it’s trying to squeeze me in half. I should have never applied a year early. I turn and face him. “I’ll figure it out.”
    He cocks a brow like he’s not sure what to do with me. “If you say so.”
    At least he says “if you say so” when that’s what he means.
    â€œI do.”
    Rhodes shrugs. “Okay then.”
    Okay.
    Only something tells me this is going to come up again, and I may need a better answer.

11
    The rows of wooden pews at my church have started to blend together as my blinks get slower. I’ve been playing sick for enough days that I’m not about to ask Dad if I can skip. Elias has been so busy at work that we’ve barely spoken since my near pass-out at his house. I’m afraid to think of what it might mean if he’s avoiding me, even though I’m “sick” to avoid him—at least while I try to sort out what I’m feeling.
    I stare at the second hand of the clock that sits high on the wall, achingly traveling from one number to the next. The speaker today is one of the old, white-haired guys. He’s nice enough and I’m pretty sure their family is loaded, but he always looks like he took a trip through the washing machine in his suit before coming to church.
    I’ve flipped through the hymn book, slid through the pages in my scriptures, tried counting the number of people sitting in the pews but got bored at fifty, and anyway, there are a lot of little kids moving around.
    How is Dad even focusing? Better question. Why didn’t I pull the girl-problem card and