Harriet by Jilly Cooper

said Cory, ‘it’s a great source of consolation to me. Fix me another drink, there’s a good girl.’
        ‘Did she terribly want you to?’
        ‘She wanted me to try. She’s frightened of the future and she wants someone to blot out the loneliness and to describe as "the man in her life". She even put more scent on in the car going home, very secretively so I wasn’t supposed to notice. She waited when we got to the house, wriggling down in the seat with her head tilted back but I need that sort of complication like a hole in the head, so I got out and opened the door for her, and she started to cry and fled up the path, and then the poor cow couldn’t find her latch key until she’d turned her bag out. And I felt such a sod. Some sort of instinct of self-preservation made me put on a safety belt for the first time in years, and I drove off down the Fairmile slap into a tree. Hostesses can’t resist a spare man.’ He was rambling now. ‘They’re gold dust round here, a going spare man, a going-to-sleep-in-the-spare-room-every-night man. I got very used to spare rooms when I was married to Noel.’
        His long eyelashes lifted, and his dark eyes frowned at her as though she was the one who had hurt him.
        He must be pissed out of his mind, thought Harriet; it’s the first time he’s mentioned Noel since the interview.
        ‘They want to get their own back on her for pinching their husbands,’ he went on.
        ‘Did she pinch them?’ said Harriet.
        ‘The one’s she wanted, she did, and the wives of the one’s she didn’t were in a way more piqued that their husbands should be slavering over Noel and her not taking a blind bit of notice of them.’
        He picked up Jonah’s homework composition book which was lying on the table. ‘People in India have no food,’ he read out, ‘and they often go to bed with no supper.’ He laughed. ‘And all the old harridan puts at the bottom of the page is "Try and write more clearly, and write out the word Tomorrow three times".’
        He picked up a pencil:
        ‘Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow,’ he said, writing with great care, ‘creeps on this petty pace from…’
        ‘Oh you mustn’t,’ cried Harriet in horror. ‘Jonah’s teacher will murder him.’
        ‘I pay the fees,’ said Cory. ‘If Miss Bickersteth wishes to flip her lid she can ring up and complain to me. People in India have no food,’ he repeated slowly, ‘and they often go to bed with no supper. People in Yorkshire have a great deal too much to drink, and often also go to bed with no supper. Please get me another drink,’ he said, ‘and don’t tell me I’ve had enough. I know I have.’
        ‘You look absolutely exhausted,’ said Harriet. ‘You’re the one who should be taking sleeping pills and eating regular meals.’
        ‘Stop trying to mother me,’ said Cory.
        Harriet handed him a drink.
        ‘It’s a bloody weak one,’ he grumbled.
        Their hands touched. ‘You’re cold,’ he said.
        ‘I’ve got a warm heart,’ said Harriet, flustered and wincing at the cliché. Cory didn’t notice.
        ‘My wife has hot little hands,’ said Cory, ‘but her heart is as cold as the grave. She’s a nymphomaniac. I suppose you’ve heard that.’
        ‘Well, something of the sort.’’She’s also the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.’
        ‘I know,’ said Harriet.
        ‘Do you think the children look like her?’
        ‘No,’ lied Harriet. ‘Much more like you.’
        ‘Today’s our wedding anniversary,’ said Cory.
        ‘Oh God,’ said Harriet, stricken. ‘How awful for you. I am sorry.’
        ‘You really are, aren’t you?’ said Cory. ‘All that messing around with three rings on the telephone was her trying to get through. It was our secret code.’
        ‘You’ll find someone else soon,’ said Harriet unconvincingly.
        ‘Easy lays aren’t the problem,’ he said. ‘It’s like pigs in clover