Happier Than She's Ever Been... by Menna van Praag Page B

bed.
    And then, for the first time in a very long time, May started to cry. For all the mistakes she’d made, for all the decisions she wished she could undo, for all the pain she’d caused.
    For all she had loved, and all she had lost.

F AITH
    When May awoke the first – and only – thing she wanted to do was call Ben. But it was still only two o’clock in the morning for him and she worried about how he might react. After pondering for a moment or two, she picked up the phone and called Faith. Her cousin answered at the second ring.
    â€˜Hello?’
    â€˜Hi, I, um, it’s…’ May scrambled for a suitable apology for not having called in fifteen months, wishing she’d prepared something.
    â€˜Oh, May, how wonderful!’ Faith exclaimed. ‘How are you, lovely?’
    A wave of relief washed over May; clearly her cousin still never held grudges.
    â€˜I’m so, so sorry I didn’t call,’ May said. ‘I, well, for the last fifteen months I… I lost all sense of myself, and everything that really mattered, and I just…’
    â€˜It’s okay,’ Faith said soothingly. ‘I signed up to the newsletter on your website. It was very informative.’ May could sense Faith smiling. ‘And I just Googled you whenever I wanted to see your face. So it’s all good.’
    â€˜Oh no.’ May sighed, absolutely mortified. ‘I – I was pretty, incredibly busy. But, of course, that’s not the point at all.’
    â€˜Don’t worry. I know. I know you were,’ Faith said. ‘And I knew you were going through some sort of identity crisis too. I expected it.’
    â€˜You did?’ May frowned, sinking back into the plush silk pillows on her bed, feeling the tension in her body begin to subside at the sound of her cousin’s voice.
    â€˜Of course,’ Faith said, ‘you got sucked into the world of Comparison, Control and Crazy. It was only to be expected.’
    â€˜You know about that?’ May asked, stunned. ‘How on earth do you know about that?’
    â€˜Oh, it’s quite common knowledge among us esoteric types,’ Faith said breezily. ‘It’s a very typical stage in a person’s development if they step into the public eye, and a very challenging one at that. Some people get stuck in that stage for the rest of their lives.’
    â€˜What stage?’ May asked, a little lost.
    â€˜The stage of seeking,’ Faith explained. ‘The stage of longing, yearning, wanting… The stage of thinking that “it” – happiness, contentment and joy – is always around the corner with the next big thing: promotion, holiday, car, house, mansion, magazine cover…’
    â€˜But –’ May hugged a cushion to her chest, absently twisting its tassels round her fingers – ‘I thought I’d been through that stage before when I was obsessed with finding a man, money and weight-loss, remember?’
    â€˜Ah, but that was different,’ Faith said, ‘that was when you had nothing. And now you have everything. It’s a whole new ball game.’ She laughed. ‘Did you like my American metaphor? I threw it in to make you feel more at home.’ She giggled again and May felt the warmth of Faith’s laugh like a balm on her soul, soothing her wounded spirit.
    â€˜Oh, Fay, I’ve missed you so much.’ May let out a heavy sigh. ‘I want to see you, I need to see you. Are you free?’
    â€˜For you? Of course I am, but are you ?’
    â€˜No,’ May said, ‘but I will be.’

    Faith and May walked slowly along the river, arm in arm. Her cousin looked exactly as May remembered: her long wild black hair, crazily colourful clothes – this time a pair of purple leggings, a red tutu and a bright green jumper – and the most beautiful smile she’d ever seen. The late-afternoon sun shone softly through the