Half Lost by Sally Green Page A

smudge of fine yellow powder. I lick a few grains from the tip of my finger but only taste a faint suggestion of mint, so I pour thecontents to the back of my throat and the mint flavor fills my mouth and then changes to become a dry bitterness and I wish I’d got some water, but then I realize I don’t need to bother and my body feels like it’s floating away into the darkness.
    The blackness is empty and silent. It is perfect. It is complete.

Calm

    â€œAre you calm now?” Celia asks.
    â€œNo thanks to you.”
    But I say this quietly and slowly. I do feel calm, clear. I’m not sure what was in that powder that Van gave me—more than just sleeping potion, I think. I’m feeling remarkably level-headed and in control. Even so, I’ve stayed away from camp for most of the day, only returning in the evening. Nesbitt walked back with me, and for once he kept relatively quiet.
    â€œI only used my Gift on you because I thought things might get out of control,” Celia says. “The trainees don’t know you like I do. They might have thought you were going to hurt me. But I trust you, Nathan.”
    I remember her face when she was frozen in time and she’s being honest, as she always is. She looked calm, like she was making a calculation.
    I nod over to the trainees sitting across the fire from us and say, “I get the feeling everyone else expects me to rip their heart out and eat it for supper.”
    â€œThe question is, what would you do if you saw Annalise?”
    â€œI hate her and want her dead. I want to avenge my father but I want to see her stand trial. I want justice. I want her to be found guilty. I want her punished. Severely punished. I’m thinking that being shot in the stomach and left to die slowly and painfully would do it.”
    â€œBut you won’t try to kill her the minute you see her?”
    â€œNot that first minute. But if she’s found not guilty, or let off . . . I don’t know.” I shake my head. “What will they do to her if they find her guilty?”
    â€œI think she’ll be imprisoned. Probably for years.”
    â€œShe killed Marcus. She should die. She should be shot.”
    â€œI doubt the court will want to shoot her. And if you were to do that, or take the law into your own hands in any way, then I’d have no option but to arrest you. It’s the way the Alliance must work, Nathan. Fairness to all.”
    â€œFine.” I smile at her. “You’d have to catch me, of course.”
    â€œLet’s hope it won’t come to that.”
    * * *
    It’s dark when I finish talking with Celia and I can’t see Gabriel anywhere. I ask Nesbitt and he says, “Try his tent.”
    I didn’t even know Gabriel had a tent. Nesbitt nods to the one at the end of the row and I can see a green light coming from it.
    I go over and drum my fingers on the canvas, saying, “Gabriel?”
    He doesn’t respond but I’m sure he’s in there so I stick my head in. The tent is full of a green haze from the bowlof nightsmoke that’s on the ground near Gabriel’s head. Gabriel is lying on his side on a mat on the ground, a book open beside him. He doesn’t look up.
    I say, “Hi.”
    He doesn’t reply and still doesn’t look up.
    â€œI hope you’re just pretending to read,” I say. “And really you can’t concentrate on the book because all you can think of is beating the living shit out of me.”
    â€œI’m not sure what living shit is, but you’re not far from the truth.”
    Gabriel looks at me now and I can see he’s serious. He really would like to beat me up. I’m stooped over into the tent and it isn’t very big and I feel awkward, so I kneel down.
    â€œDo you want something?” Gabriel’s voice is full of poison.
    â€œUm. Yeah . . . I think we need to talk.”
    â€œHa!