into the lobby, chattering when she’s still ten feet away from me, but her voice turns to white noise.
“Thea, did you hear me? I swear the hot boy from vacation was wandering around campus the other day. I must be mistaken, but Shay’s legs were memorable, and his ass was impressive if I remember correctly.”
She hushes when I shoot her the side eye.
Leesh vividly remembers the last day in Key West, how much I hurt. We hadn’t talked about it since, but my avoidance of the subject signaled the depths of my pain. The other things I don’t want to discuss are Mama’s death and Jen’s illness.
Unless you’ve watched someone you love wither and pass right before your eyes, you can’t understand. I pray every day for Jen’s recovery. I can’t lose her too, and those precious babies of hers need their mama.
While Bennie and Leesh have suffered break-ups, I think they understand how profound this one was for me. The last one before M-day. Once the boobs are gone, things can never be the same.
I’d thought it wouldn’t matter. My breasts don’t define me, but I fell for a guy who adores them.
My asshole ex-brother-in-law had the gall to tell my sister, when she found a lump, that if she got her “tit cut off she wouldn’t be a real woman.” He hinted he would leave her. She opted out of the mastectomy, and when she got sicker and sicker through her treatment, he walked away.
No one will dictate what I should or shouldn’t do with my body, and I am not putting off life-saving surgery for the sake of any guy.
I’d known Shay for a short time, but he didn’t strike me as just “any guy.” He’s one of the good ones.
Exceptional, even.
Still doesn’t change what I need to do.
Want to do, I remind myself.
The constant clacking of trays sliding together in the cafeteria line and the lively chatter do nothing to distract me from him . I pick a pre-packaged salad from the cold case and grab a plastic bottle of pop.
We sit at a small table by the window, and I rip the sticker off the flimsy packaging and dig in. Well, not exactly.
Leesh clears her throat. “What’s wrong with you? You never get rabbit food, and you’re not even eating the yummy stuff.”
I push the turkey, ham, and croutons around with my fork.
I set the cutlery on the tray. “Sweetie, I’m sorry. I’m not all here. I had an unsettling encounter today. Unexpected.”
Leesh sets the fork on her plate, leans her elbows on the table and folds her hands under her chin. “Ooooh. Intrigue. Do tell.”
“It’s possible you saw Shay. He’s here.” I twirl my hand in the air.
“Here?” Her nose crinkles.
“Yes. Here on campus. In this hospital. I talked to him right before you arrived.”
“Oh. My. Gawd.” Her round green eyes grow even wider. If her hair were blond, she’d be the cartoon Rapunzel’s twin, complete with her button nose. “Go on, go on. What did he say? Is he mad you didn’t call him back?”
“He didn’t even ask. Maybe he will tonight.”
She slaps at my hand. “Shut up! Are you going out tonight? What are you wearing? How did he ask? What did you say? Tell me everything!”
I hold my hand up to defend from her rapid-fire inquiry. “Whoa, wait, hold on. One, yes. Two, no idea what I’m wearing. Three, he blurted the invitation. Four, I said okay. I was shaking my head no, but Mama encouraged me to say yes.”
She takes another bite of chicken, chewing as she studies my face. “You believe that, don’t you?”
“I do.” My friends learned not to question me on this issue. They aren’t close to their parents, and if Mama were still alive, we’d be as tight as we were when I was sixteen.
“What was the sign this time?”
“A Fleetwood Mac song. ‘Over my Head.’”
Leesh screws up her face.
“Yeah, you’ve never heard the song.” It wasn’t “Landslide” or “Don’t Stop,” the most played on the radio, which is why it was weird to hear in the coffee shop.
“Okay,
“Thea, did you hear me? I swear the hot boy from vacation was wandering around campus the other day. I must be mistaken, but Shay’s legs were memorable, and his ass was impressive if I remember correctly.”
She hushes when I shoot her the side eye.
Leesh vividly remembers the last day in Key West, how much I hurt. We hadn’t talked about it since, but my avoidance of the subject signaled the depths of my pain. The other things I don’t want to discuss are Mama’s death and Jen’s illness.
Unless you’ve watched someone you love wither and pass right before your eyes, you can’t understand. I pray every day for Jen’s recovery. I can’t lose her too, and those precious babies of hers need their mama.
While Bennie and Leesh have suffered break-ups, I think they understand how profound this one was for me. The last one before M-day. Once the boobs are gone, things can never be the same.
I’d thought it wouldn’t matter. My breasts don’t define me, but I fell for a guy who adores them.
My asshole ex-brother-in-law had the gall to tell my sister, when she found a lump, that if she got her “tit cut off she wouldn’t be a real woman.” He hinted he would leave her. She opted out of the mastectomy, and when she got sicker and sicker through her treatment, he walked away.
No one will dictate what I should or shouldn’t do with my body, and I am not putting off life-saving surgery for the sake of any guy.
I’d known Shay for a short time, but he didn’t strike me as just “any guy.” He’s one of the good ones.
Exceptional, even.
Still doesn’t change what I need to do.
Want to do, I remind myself.
The constant clacking of trays sliding together in the cafeteria line and the lively chatter do nothing to distract me from him . I pick a pre-packaged salad from the cold case and grab a plastic bottle of pop.
We sit at a small table by the window, and I rip the sticker off the flimsy packaging and dig in. Well, not exactly.
Leesh clears her throat. “What’s wrong with you? You never get rabbit food, and you’re not even eating the yummy stuff.”
I push the turkey, ham, and croutons around with my fork.
I set the cutlery on the tray. “Sweetie, I’m sorry. I’m not all here. I had an unsettling encounter today. Unexpected.”
Leesh sets the fork on her plate, leans her elbows on the table and folds her hands under her chin. “Ooooh. Intrigue. Do tell.”
“It’s possible you saw Shay. He’s here.” I twirl my hand in the air.
“Here?” Her nose crinkles.
“Yes. Here on campus. In this hospital. I talked to him right before you arrived.”
“Oh. My. Gawd.” Her round green eyes grow even wider. If her hair were blond, she’d be the cartoon Rapunzel’s twin, complete with her button nose. “Go on, go on. What did he say? Is he mad you didn’t call him back?”
“He didn’t even ask. Maybe he will tonight.”
She slaps at my hand. “Shut up! Are you going out tonight? What are you wearing? How did he ask? What did you say? Tell me everything!”
I hold my hand up to defend from her rapid-fire inquiry. “Whoa, wait, hold on. One, yes. Two, no idea what I’m wearing. Three, he blurted the invitation. Four, I said okay. I was shaking my head no, but Mama encouraged me to say yes.”
She takes another bite of chicken, chewing as she studies my face. “You believe that, don’t you?”
“I do.” My friends learned not to question me on this issue. They aren’t close to their parents, and if Mama were still alive, we’d be as tight as we were when I was sixteen.
“What was the sign this time?”
“A Fleetwood Mac song. ‘Over my Head.’”
Leesh screws up her face.
“Yeah, you’ve never heard the song.” It wasn’t “Landslide” or “Don’t Stop,” the most played on the radio, which is why it was weird to hear in the coffee shop.
“Okay,
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