Gone, Gone, Gone by Hannah Moskowitz

fact that I’m in love with someone else, unavailable though he may be. Or that making small talk over small portions isn’t exactly my thing.
    So, I should say no, but apparently my no thanks I’m fine disease doesn’t apply here. I say, “Let me ask my dad, okay?”
    That is the worst thing I’ve ever said. I essentially just cut off my penis.
    I say, “We might have plans. I can get out of them.” I realize I’m trying to compensate for what I said about asking Dad for permission. I’m trying to get her to think I might be cool. Way to go. Woo back the straight girl. Jesus, I can’t win.
    “Oh, sure,” she says. “Just call me back?”
    “Yeah. Um, I’ll IM you.” I hang up because I sound like a jackass and that shit needs to end.
    Okay,Dad is going to tell me what to do. Even though I haven’t come out to my family, I’m pretty sure there’s an unspoken understanding that I’m gay ever since I sang “Man, I Feel Like a Woman” in my mother’s high heels, completely bald, for one of our family talent shows.
    I don’t remember this, but the pictures are pretty fabulous.
    I step into the kitchen. “Dad?”
    “He’s napping,” Jasper says. Shit, when did they get home? The shoes Michelle’s wearing must be new, because she’s studying the reflection of her feet on the oven.
    “I don’t know that they’re exactly right,” she says, and then she looks up at me. “What’s up? You look like shit.”
    Wow thanks. “I just . . . I have something I need to ask him, okay?”
    “Okay,” Michelle says. “God. You don’t have to verbally abuse us.”
    Jasper says, “Leave him alone. Can I help, Li?” She gives me a hug. “Is everything okay?”
    Maybe I really do look like shit. I say, “This girl invited me to dinner. I don’t know what to say.”
    My sisters light up like candles. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God!” Jasper spins me. “Oh, my God, Lio, your first date! This is bigger than your bar mitzvah!”
    I hope someone gives me money and cufflinks for this.
    “What are you going to wear?” Michelle asks me. “Please tell me you are not going to wear a T-shirt. Let’s not wearanything with words on it, Lio, okay?” She’s touching me all over like she’s trying to clean me off. “And something besides black? You must have colors in your closet somewhere. You have some red and pink, don’t you? If we choose one to accent the black . . .”
    Oh, God. They think I’m straight.
    I say, “I haven’t said yes yet . . .”
    Jasper says, “Oh, Jesus, Lio, don’t play hard to get. Call her and tell her you’re coming. You don’t have to act so uptight just because you’re gay.”
    Now I’m entirely confused.
    “Go get ready!” Jasper says. “Call her! Get dressed! Just don’t kiss her at the end, that would be cruel. Unless you like her! Don’t limit yourself, Lio!”
    “Remember, wear nothing with words!” Michelle calls after me. “And find a hat that isn’t falling apart. Don’t you dare show her your hair!”
    I do not understand my life.
    Dad drives me. Maybe my sisters are aware this is all some kind of ruse, but I’m getting the feeling my father has no idea this date isn’t going to end in marriage and children. He’s babbling on about his first date, and his first car he drove to go pick her up. And how in his day they didn’t have these fancy electric car window openers, you had to crank them down by hand. God, I want to crank my head off right now.
    He says, “You brought money to pay?”
    “It’s her country club, Dad. She’sgoing to pay. Or her parents.”
    “Oh, then they might give you a menu without prices. I’m not sure. It’s been a long time since I ate at a country club. But don’t order anything too expensive. But don’t order anything too cheap, either, that’ll insult her. It’s best to stick with some kind of chicken or fish.”
    I like how he thinks I’m straight but has managed to deduce that I’m basically the girl in this