The ambers gazing at me widely.
“I just,” I lean in back towards her. I can’t stop myself. “I just want you to want to be with me, to spend time with me, and see where that goes.”
In that moment I say words to someone that I never expected to say again. “I want you to be with me.”
That’s it. I didn’t know it, but now I do. I am not going to rush one moment with her. I have ten days to make the girl made of the sun want to be with me. Not just do it because it is something that is expected. I have ten days to be with the girl made of sun, and not just want to lose myself inside of her because I want to erase old memories. I have ten days to find myself inside her.
“First base only?”
I grin in response. “Maybe second.”
“Am I allowed to take some clothes off?”
I chuckle as I glance down, she is barely wearing anything, just bare feet and tiny shorts with a stretched out vest top that leaves little to the imagination. I know this because my imagination has already had them removed and on the floor.
“What do you plan to take off exactly?”
“All of it.”
“Well then that would be a no.” But the voice in my head is screaming yes yes yes.
She gives a dramatic sigh and gets up from the bed. “I’m going to clean my teeth, and then I am coming back for my make-out session. Be prepared.”
“Can I stay over?” I ask as she walks away.
Please don’t make me leave.
She turns and looks me over, her eyes dark and intent.
“I wouldn’t let you leave.”
And as unexpected as it is to me, I know that I wouldn’t want her to let me leave.
TEN DAYS TO GO
Bridge Cottage
St Agnes
Cornwall
17th August 2013
Dear E,
He knows about my bangles. I feel kind of bad because they are our thing, me and you. He doesn’t know what they stand for but he knows how much they mean to me. I don’t know how I feel about that.
After he watched me count them he kissed me. And the truth is I don’t know how I feel about that either. At the time I felt guilty. Guilty about you, guilty that he had distracted me from my bangled punishment. But then he distracted me and made it feel like my guilt and worry just washed away. Later when I went to talk to mum and dad about it they weren’t even bothered. I thought Dad would be, especially after what happened the other week but he just look ed amused. I don’t get it. It made me confused so I made a huge mistake and called Josh-u-a my boyfriend. I know he’s not.
He came back later and did it all over again. I don’t know how he got in my room but I think he may have climbed the wall outside. He strode across the room and grabbed me, kissing me, making me feel something deep in my centre, a feeling I’d never had before. It burnt so hot in my stomach it felt like I was going to catch alight.
It made me want something. Him. Then I remembered all those things people were saying about me in London and I tried to stop myself. I can’t be that girl. I know I never have been but I don’t want people thinking that I am like that. I don’t want him thinking it.
I wish I could talk to you.
Miss you as always
B.
xx
Rebecca
Breakfast
I didn’t mean to call him my boyfriend in front of my parents. That was a huge error and I regretted it instantly. I saw Mum pull that ‘Happy Mum Face’ where for a split second she thought I could be like other daughters and manage to make it through a few days or weeks without getting in some form of trouble. But we all know I can’t. My dad looked like he was not going to be fooled into believing I could be changed. But then I guess out of the family he has seen me at my absolute lowest; a vision that my mum can’t even contemplate. Emily sees me as some form of warrior protector. I don’t even think she truly realizes I am the reason behind most of her troubles. My mum sees me as a girl that she used to know who got lost somewhere. It’s only my dad who has seen enough to know the truth.
Even
“I just,” I lean in back towards her. I can’t stop myself. “I just want you to want to be with me, to spend time with me, and see where that goes.”
In that moment I say words to someone that I never expected to say again. “I want you to be with me.”
That’s it. I didn’t know it, but now I do. I am not going to rush one moment with her. I have ten days to make the girl made of the sun want to be with me. Not just do it because it is something that is expected. I have ten days to be with the girl made of sun, and not just want to lose myself inside of her because I want to erase old memories. I have ten days to find myself inside her.
“First base only?”
I grin in response. “Maybe second.”
“Am I allowed to take some clothes off?”
I chuckle as I glance down, she is barely wearing anything, just bare feet and tiny shorts with a stretched out vest top that leaves little to the imagination. I know this because my imagination has already had them removed and on the floor.
“What do you plan to take off exactly?”
“All of it.”
“Well then that would be a no.” But the voice in my head is screaming yes yes yes.
She gives a dramatic sigh and gets up from the bed. “I’m going to clean my teeth, and then I am coming back for my make-out session. Be prepared.”
“Can I stay over?” I ask as she walks away.
Please don’t make me leave.
She turns and looks me over, her eyes dark and intent.
“I wouldn’t let you leave.”
And as unexpected as it is to me, I know that I wouldn’t want her to let me leave.
TEN DAYS TO GO
Bridge Cottage
St Agnes
Cornwall
17th August 2013
Dear E,
He knows about my bangles. I feel kind of bad because they are our thing, me and you. He doesn’t know what they stand for but he knows how much they mean to me. I don’t know how I feel about that.
After he watched me count them he kissed me. And the truth is I don’t know how I feel about that either. At the time I felt guilty. Guilty about you, guilty that he had distracted me from my bangled punishment. But then he distracted me and made it feel like my guilt and worry just washed away. Later when I went to talk to mum and dad about it they weren’t even bothered. I thought Dad would be, especially after what happened the other week but he just look ed amused. I don’t get it. It made me confused so I made a huge mistake and called Josh-u-a my boyfriend. I know he’s not.
He came back later and did it all over again. I don’t know how he got in my room but I think he may have climbed the wall outside. He strode across the room and grabbed me, kissing me, making me feel something deep in my centre, a feeling I’d never had before. It burnt so hot in my stomach it felt like I was going to catch alight.
It made me want something. Him. Then I remembered all those things people were saying about me in London and I tried to stop myself. I can’t be that girl. I know I never have been but I don’t want people thinking that I am like that. I don’t want him thinking it.
I wish I could talk to you.
Miss you as always
B.
xx
Rebecca
Breakfast
I didn’t mean to call him my boyfriend in front of my parents. That was a huge error and I regretted it instantly. I saw Mum pull that ‘Happy Mum Face’ where for a split second she thought I could be like other daughters and manage to make it through a few days or weeks without getting in some form of trouble. But we all know I can’t. My dad looked like he was not going to be fooled into believing I could be changed. But then I guess out of the family he has seen me at my absolute lowest; a vision that my mum can’t even contemplate. Emily sees me as some form of warrior protector. I don’t even think she truly realizes I am the reason behind most of her troubles. My mum sees me as a girl that she used to know who got lost somewhere. It’s only my dad who has seen enough to know the truth.
Even
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