different answer to be had.
Eric nodded.
“He really did it?” I was no longer Bonnie on the lam with the Barrow gang. I was me again, my eyes flooding, my head thick.
“What we know,” Eric said carefully, “is that he’s guilty of something.”
I had tried to run, but I’d gotten no farther than a hotel room in Half Moon Bay. Maybe it was as far as I would ever get. I was shaking, sobbing, out of control. Eric put his arms around me while I struggled to compose myself.
“I can’t let the girls find me this way,” I said.
“They’ll take their cues from us,” he said. I let him talk. He was trying to make me feel better, make himself feel better, but there was fear in his voice. As I was grieving for what I’d lost, he was terrified by all we stood to lose.
“I have to try to get through to my mother,” I said as soon as I could speak again.
I pleaded with my mother on the answering machine to pick up until finally she did. Her voice was thick with tears but her words were steely. “You girls made fun of me when I moved into a gated complex, and now thank God I did. Otherwise I’d have those damned reporters at my front door. I couldn’t call you back because I had to find a lawyer for Bobby.”
“I could stay with you,” I said. “Leave the kids with Eric. Help however.”
“I don’t need any help.”
We hung up. There was nothing more to say. “I don’t know if she’s punishing me or trying to protect me,” I said to Eric. “Or both.”
We ordered pizza when the girls came back. Julia and Lilly exchanged their swimsuits for pajamas. We watched pay-per-view movies and let the kids eat candy from the minibar, the four of us clinging to one another until it was time for bed.
By Saturday afternoon, we’d decided: Eric and I would go home, but we weren’t going to put the girls through that kind of exposure. Lilly, who could miss the last week of school before spring break, would go to Eric’s parents. Julia, who could not, would stay at her friend Donna’s. I trusted Donna’s mother.
We were quiet in the car on Sunday, me dreading facing Eric’s parents. “I don’t want to stay at Grandma and Grandpa’s,” Lilly said as if she could read my thoughts from the backseat. I wondered how long she’d been mulling this over, and calmly explained, again, that it was just for a week until the reporters stopped bothering us.
“Okay,” Lilly said, my sweetly reasonable child. “I’ll stay there if Julia does, too.”
“I’m staying at Donna’s,” Julia said. She wasn’t being bratty, just thoughtlessly matter-of-fact.
“Then I’m staying at . . .” Lilly considered her options. “At Brittany’s.” I tried not to laugh. Brittany’s mother was notorious for always being too exhausted from her own self-importance to have other kids over.
“I thought Tessa was your best friend now.”
“Okay, Tessa’s house.”
“Another time. This week you’re going to see your grandparents.”
“You can’t make me,” she said, kicking the back of my seat hard.
“Stop it,” I said, craning my neck to look her in the eye. She let loose, slipping down in the seat, screaming and thrashing, a full-on tantrum. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d thrown one.
Julia yelled at her to shut up. Eric looked over his shoulder and yelled at both of them. Lilly kept on kicking my seat. Eric reached his arm out to stop her. I cradled my head, feeling sorry for myself. I glanced up just in time to see brake lights flash in front of us.
“Eric,” I screamed. I braced myself. I don’t know how he did it. There wasn’t enough time. He swerved into the next lane, cut off a car, the driver honking, my heart pounding, the girls silenced. The miss was so close that my eyes welled. Eric maneuvered the car two lanes to the right and stopped on the shoulder. He got out and walked around the back to where Lilly sat. I jumped out after him. I thought he was going to hit her. Instead
Eric nodded.
“He really did it?” I was no longer Bonnie on the lam with the Barrow gang. I was me again, my eyes flooding, my head thick.
“What we know,” Eric said carefully, “is that he’s guilty of something.”
I had tried to run, but I’d gotten no farther than a hotel room in Half Moon Bay. Maybe it was as far as I would ever get. I was shaking, sobbing, out of control. Eric put his arms around me while I struggled to compose myself.
“I can’t let the girls find me this way,” I said.
“They’ll take their cues from us,” he said. I let him talk. He was trying to make me feel better, make himself feel better, but there was fear in his voice. As I was grieving for what I’d lost, he was terrified by all we stood to lose.
“I have to try to get through to my mother,” I said as soon as I could speak again.
I pleaded with my mother on the answering machine to pick up until finally she did. Her voice was thick with tears but her words were steely. “You girls made fun of me when I moved into a gated complex, and now thank God I did. Otherwise I’d have those damned reporters at my front door. I couldn’t call you back because I had to find a lawyer for Bobby.”
“I could stay with you,” I said. “Leave the kids with Eric. Help however.”
“I don’t need any help.”
We hung up. There was nothing more to say. “I don’t know if she’s punishing me or trying to protect me,” I said to Eric. “Or both.”
We ordered pizza when the girls came back. Julia and Lilly exchanged their swimsuits for pajamas. We watched pay-per-view movies and let the kids eat candy from the minibar, the four of us clinging to one another until it was time for bed.
By Saturday afternoon, we’d decided: Eric and I would go home, but we weren’t going to put the girls through that kind of exposure. Lilly, who could miss the last week of school before spring break, would go to Eric’s parents. Julia, who could not, would stay at her friend Donna’s. I trusted Donna’s mother.
We were quiet in the car on Sunday, me dreading facing Eric’s parents. “I don’t want to stay at Grandma and Grandpa’s,” Lilly said as if she could read my thoughts from the backseat. I wondered how long she’d been mulling this over, and calmly explained, again, that it was just for a week until the reporters stopped bothering us.
“Okay,” Lilly said, my sweetly reasonable child. “I’ll stay there if Julia does, too.”
“I’m staying at Donna’s,” Julia said. She wasn’t being bratty, just thoughtlessly matter-of-fact.
“Then I’m staying at . . .” Lilly considered her options. “At Brittany’s.” I tried not to laugh. Brittany’s mother was notorious for always being too exhausted from her own self-importance to have other kids over.
“I thought Tessa was your best friend now.”
“Okay, Tessa’s house.”
“Another time. This week you’re going to see your grandparents.”
“You can’t make me,” she said, kicking the back of my seat hard.
“Stop it,” I said, craning my neck to look her in the eye. She let loose, slipping down in the seat, screaming and thrashing, a full-on tantrum. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d thrown one.
Julia yelled at her to shut up. Eric looked over his shoulder and yelled at both of them. Lilly kept on kicking my seat. Eric reached his arm out to stop her. I cradled my head, feeling sorry for myself. I glanced up just in time to see brake lights flash in front of us.
“Eric,” I screamed. I braced myself. I don’t know how he did it. There wasn’t enough time. He swerved into the next lane, cut off a car, the driver honking, my heart pounding, the girls silenced. The miss was so close that my eyes welled. Eric maneuvered the car two lanes to the right and stopped on the shoulder. He got out and walked around the back to where Lilly sat. I jumped out after him. I thought he was going to hit her. Instead
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