find . I have no right to act jealous either.”
“Marisol-“He began and then stopped himself. He looked like he wanted to say more, but locked it up. He closed his eyes and heaved out a breath. “I’m sorry.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. I know I was being a chicken shit, but I didn’t trust myself. I kept making bad decisions and I let myself get to this age without knowing anything about myself.
I can’t expect anyone to like me, really like me, until I liked myself. And right now it was a struggle everyday not to succumb to this worthlessness that plagued me. I needed to reevaluate my life, to be a little selfish right now. I didn’t want to hurt him and as much as I knew that maybe he started to feel something for me I would ignore it. He would move on. He deserved a whole person, not the puzzle pieces I had to offer. He needed someone to lean on and if he tried it with me, I would crumble to dust under the pressure.
“I’m sorry too. Let’s just forget about this ok?” I said, grabbing my purse off the floor and reached for the handle.
“Ok.” He said softly. “Talk to you tomorrow, Crazy?”
I closed my eyes in relief. I was doing the right thing, I reminded myself. “Talk to you tomorrow, Bartender.” I closed the door and headed up to my house, heart heavy for both of us.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The next morning I laid in bed listening to my parents move around downstairs getting ready for work. I didn’t move; eyes completely trained on the ceiling. I think I’ve been in this position all night; it gets kind of blurry after four a.m. The ride home from Emily’s played in my head continuously.
I f there was going to be weirdness between us, I would hate it. My hand slapped down on my mattress, searching for my cell phone. Almost as if it was reading my mind the thing beeped at me alerting to a new message. My fingers bumped into it and I grabbed, yanking it so hard from underneath the covers I almost hit myself in the face. I really needed to stop sleeping with my phone.
It was Jason. I pressed a button to open the text and stared at it for a second then burst out laughing. It was a picture of the cake I baked yesterday, completely demolished.
I ate my feelings last night and watched a ton of Lifetime. U?
I closed my eyes in relief and texted him back.
I wrote a sad poem while listening to Evanescence.
I jumped when my phone rang, his name blinking on the screen.
“Hi.” I said quietly.
“Hi.” He repeated and we said nothing for a moment, just breathing at each other creepily. “Read me that poem.”
I laughed. “I don’t really have a poem.”
“Make one up.”
“Ok give me a second.” I thought for a second and said, “Roses are red, and violets are blue. Marisol’s sad and worried about you.”
“That is lacking a ton of originality, Marisol.”
“Shut up! You gave me, like, two seconds to come up with something!”
“You’re the writer.”
“You’re the musician, you’re a writer too. You give me a poem.”
“Ok give me a second.” I could hear him breathing and wondered if he was in the same position as me. “Roses are read, violets are blue, Jason is sorry and a stupid shrew.”
I’m silent for a second and then break out in giggles. “Shrew?”
“Well, I was pretty shrew-ish last night.” He said amused, his voice had this wonderful gravelly sound to it.
“Yeah, I guess you were. Did you just wake up?”
“I didn’t sleep last night. I did eat that entire cake and ran on a sugar rush for the rest of the night.”
“I was worried that it would be awkward.” I murmured quietly, deciding to just say what we both were beating around the bush about.
“Who says it’s not going to be?” He joked.
“Jason!”
“I’m kidding! I’m not an asshole, Marisol; I’m not going to make things weird between us.”
“I don’t think that’s something you can control.” I pointed out.
“Well I’m not going to be weird about it and
“Marisol-“He began and then stopped himself. He looked like he wanted to say more, but locked it up. He closed his eyes and heaved out a breath. “I’m sorry.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. I know I was being a chicken shit, but I didn’t trust myself. I kept making bad decisions and I let myself get to this age without knowing anything about myself.
I can’t expect anyone to like me, really like me, until I liked myself. And right now it was a struggle everyday not to succumb to this worthlessness that plagued me. I needed to reevaluate my life, to be a little selfish right now. I didn’t want to hurt him and as much as I knew that maybe he started to feel something for me I would ignore it. He would move on. He deserved a whole person, not the puzzle pieces I had to offer. He needed someone to lean on and if he tried it with me, I would crumble to dust under the pressure.
“I’m sorry too. Let’s just forget about this ok?” I said, grabbing my purse off the floor and reached for the handle.
“Ok.” He said softly. “Talk to you tomorrow, Crazy?”
I closed my eyes in relief. I was doing the right thing, I reminded myself. “Talk to you tomorrow, Bartender.” I closed the door and headed up to my house, heart heavy for both of us.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The next morning I laid in bed listening to my parents move around downstairs getting ready for work. I didn’t move; eyes completely trained on the ceiling. I think I’ve been in this position all night; it gets kind of blurry after four a.m. The ride home from Emily’s played in my head continuously.
I f there was going to be weirdness between us, I would hate it. My hand slapped down on my mattress, searching for my cell phone. Almost as if it was reading my mind the thing beeped at me alerting to a new message. My fingers bumped into it and I grabbed, yanking it so hard from underneath the covers I almost hit myself in the face. I really needed to stop sleeping with my phone.
It was Jason. I pressed a button to open the text and stared at it for a second then burst out laughing. It was a picture of the cake I baked yesterday, completely demolished.
I ate my feelings last night and watched a ton of Lifetime. U?
I closed my eyes in relief and texted him back.
I wrote a sad poem while listening to Evanescence.
I jumped when my phone rang, his name blinking on the screen.
“Hi.” I said quietly.
“Hi.” He repeated and we said nothing for a moment, just breathing at each other creepily. “Read me that poem.”
I laughed. “I don’t really have a poem.”
“Make one up.”
“Ok give me a second.” I thought for a second and said, “Roses are red, and violets are blue. Marisol’s sad and worried about you.”
“That is lacking a ton of originality, Marisol.”
“Shut up! You gave me, like, two seconds to come up with something!”
“You’re the writer.”
“You’re the musician, you’re a writer too. You give me a poem.”
“Ok give me a second.” I could hear him breathing and wondered if he was in the same position as me. “Roses are read, violets are blue, Jason is sorry and a stupid shrew.”
I’m silent for a second and then break out in giggles. “Shrew?”
“Well, I was pretty shrew-ish last night.” He said amused, his voice had this wonderful gravelly sound to it.
“Yeah, I guess you were. Did you just wake up?”
“I didn’t sleep last night. I did eat that entire cake and ran on a sugar rush for the rest of the night.”
“I was worried that it would be awkward.” I murmured quietly, deciding to just say what we both were beating around the bush about.
“Who says it’s not going to be?” He joked.
“Jason!”
“I’m kidding! I’m not an asshole, Marisol; I’m not going to make things weird between us.”
“I don’t think that’s something you can control.” I pointed out.
“Well I’m not going to be weird about it and
Similar Books
