starin’ you in the face, that doesn’t mean you have to eat the whole damn thing.”
“I’ll think about it,” I said, giving Rhoda a thoughtful look.
C H A P T E R 1 4
The more I thought about Rhoda’s suggestion about the catered lunches, the more I liked it. But I still had some concerns about my relationship with food. I could never forget that it had once been my best friend and my worst enemy at the same time. However, my eating habits had changed dramatically since last year. It was the only thing that I had Rhoda’s daughter to thank for, even though her antics had almost cost me my sanity.
I hadn’t run into the arms of Reverend Upshaw and fellow church members to get comfort and guidance from them when Jade was on my case. I certainly could have used their support during that living nightmare.
One reason I hadn’t run to the church was that I was too ashamed to let the world know how naive and stupid I’d been to let a teenager pull so much wool over my eyes. Another reason was that I knew every member of the congregation would have tried to convince me that I needed to “forget and forgive” what had happened.
Even though Rhoda was my best friend, I knew in my heart that I could never forget and forgive what her daughter had done to me. There had been a few hellish events in my life that I had been able to forget and forgive, but not this one. It was unspeakable.
As far as I was concerned, Jade’s “apology” after she’d been exposed, had done no good. Her remorse had been so weak and in-GOD AIN’ T BLIND
71
sincere, a blind man could have seen through it. She had fooled her mother, but she had not fooled me.
I had not even opened the ninety-nine-cent Christmas card that she had had the nerve to send to me last year. It had been post-marked a week after Christmas and had postage due, and she’d misspelled my name in the address. As far as I was concerned, it was a subtle way for her to let me know that she could still torment me.
I wanted to keep that shit fresh and at the front of my mind as a reminder and a warning so that I could remain alert. I knew that even that wouldn’t be enough for me to avoid another betrayal.
But if and when it happened again, at least I’d be better prepared.
In addition to my always being on high alert now, I could no longer even eat some of the food items that Jade used to supply me with. The sight of them made me sick now. Like the Big Macs she used to deliver to me at home and at my office—three at a time—
and the whole slabs of ribs that she used to bring to me, because it amused her to watch me eat them. Then there were the banana splits that she used to make, which were so huge, she had to put them on a platter. As much as I had enjoyed stuffing myself with all that crap, I was glad that those days were over. Looking back on all that now, I realized Jade had tried to kill me with food by making me eat myself to death.
I never would have guessed that it would take something that extreme and bizarre for me to get down to a more healthy weight. I was still a full-figured woman, but a size sixteen was a lot more attractive on me than the size twenty-four that I’d become so accus-tomed to.
For the first time in my life, I felt good about my body. But I didn’t give all the credit to Jade. The fact that my husband had changed so much had also affected my eating habits. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d crawled into bed with a family-size pizza and eaten it all by myself. Since the scale had been my enemy for so many years, I rarely weighed myself. But when I went shopping now, the clerks led me away from the muumuus, the shapeless blouses, and the elastic-waist pants with legs so wide you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.
72
Mary Monroe
Last week I entered a clothing store that I had not been near since high school. For one thing, it was for petite women. They didn’t have any large women working there and
“I’ll think about it,” I said, giving Rhoda a thoughtful look.
C H A P T E R 1 4
The more I thought about Rhoda’s suggestion about the catered lunches, the more I liked it. But I still had some concerns about my relationship with food. I could never forget that it had once been my best friend and my worst enemy at the same time. However, my eating habits had changed dramatically since last year. It was the only thing that I had Rhoda’s daughter to thank for, even though her antics had almost cost me my sanity.
I hadn’t run into the arms of Reverend Upshaw and fellow church members to get comfort and guidance from them when Jade was on my case. I certainly could have used their support during that living nightmare.
One reason I hadn’t run to the church was that I was too ashamed to let the world know how naive and stupid I’d been to let a teenager pull so much wool over my eyes. Another reason was that I knew every member of the congregation would have tried to convince me that I needed to “forget and forgive” what had happened.
Even though Rhoda was my best friend, I knew in my heart that I could never forget and forgive what her daughter had done to me. There had been a few hellish events in my life that I had been able to forget and forgive, but not this one. It was unspeakable.
As far as I was concerned, Jade’s “apology” after she’d been exposed, had done no good. Her remorse had been so weak and in-GOD AIN’ T BLIND
71
sincere, a blind man could have seen through it. She had fooled her mother, but she had not fooled me.
I had not even opened the ninety-nine-cent Christmas card that she had had the nerve to send to me last year. It had been post-marked a week after Christmas and had postage due, and she’d misspelled my name in the address. As far as I was concerned, it was a subtle way for her to let me know that she could still torment me.
I wanted to keep that shit fresh and at the front of my mind as a reminder and a warning so that I could remain alert. I knew that even that wouldn’t be enough for me to avoid another betrayal.
But if and when it happened again, at least I’d be better prepared.
In addition to my always being on high alert now, I could no longer even eat some of the food items that Jade used to supply me with. The sight of them made me sick now. Like the Big Macs she used to deliver to me at home and at my office—three at a time—
and the whole slabs of ribs that she used to bring to me, because it amused her to watch me eat them. Then there were the banana splits that she used to make, which were so huge, she had to put them on a platter. As much as I had enjoyed stuffing myself with all that crap, I was glad that those days were over. Looking back on all that now, I realized Jade had tried to kill me with food by making me eat myself to death.
I never would have guessed that it would take something that extreme and bizarre for me to get down to a more healthy weight. I was still a full-figured woman, but a size sixteen was a lot more attractive on me than the size twenty-four that I’d become so accus-tomed to.
For the first time in my life, I felt good about my body. But I didn’t give all the credit to Jade. The fact that my husband had changed so much had also affected my eating habits. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d crawled into bed with a family-size pizza and eaten it all by myself. Since the scale had been my enemy for so many years, I rarely weighed myself. But when I went shopping now, the clerks led me away from the muumuus, the shapeless blouses, and the elastic-waist pants with legs so wide you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.
72
Mary Monroe
Last week I entered a clothing store that I had not been near since high school. For one thing, it was for petite women. They didn’t have any large women working there and
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