Giggling Into the Pillow by Chris Bridges Page B

the right thing at just the
right time is obviously perceptive and sensitive enough to know
just how to touch her. Funny men make the best lovers.
Okay, granted, women prefer funny men who
are also drop-dead gorgeous. And yeah, it's really easy for funny
guys to fall into the “best friend I can tell anything to but would
never dream of having sex with” slot. I hated that slot. I lived in
that psychology torture chamber for 6 years. I always had lots of
close female friends, the ones that kept telling me “only you
really understand me” and then turn around and describe how they
blew some guy they just met last night, I just wanted to sneak up
behind her with a rope and…
Ha ha! Yes sir, a sense of humor is all you
really need. When she's laughing she's not affecting a worldly
pose, she's being human, and that's right where you want to get
your basic supermodel. Also, when things start getting really
intimate, you can't go wrong with a good hemorrhoid joke.
     
    Turn her down first. The novelty of it is sure to get her interested.
As soon as she's within earshot, like the other side of the bar or
just one balcony up, proclaim loudly that “No, I'm sorry Tyra, it
just wouldn't work out between us. We're too different, and as
exciting as you are I still want to see other people.” See the
tricky psychological twist in there? Now she'll go crazy wondering
why she's not good enough to hold your interest. At least I think
she will, haven't tried this yet. But it feels right. You should
probably also drink a lot.
     
    Be gay. Just think of the possibilities! She'll trust you. She'll
confide in you (see above). She'll undress in front of you. She'll
invite her friends over to try and convert you. My god, I can't
imagine why no one has thought of this before, it could
work!
Okay, she'll probably just marry you to
cover her own homosexuality from the paparazzi, but you'll still
probably get to see her naked, and that's more than you get now,
right?
     
Well, I've done all I can here. Next week
we'll go over your failures, and we'll discuss how to take the
easier step of converting your current old lady into a supermodel.
Hey, why buy the milk when you can put a dress on the cow, am I
right?
     
     

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POV
     
The moon breathed bright blue light through
the lace curtains, light that caressed my skin with icy hot
fingers. I twirled once, twice, letting my light summer dress swirl
around my legs for Robert's enjoyment. Even though I didn't dare
look at him yet, still I could tell that I had captured his
complete attention. The evening had been more perfect than I had
dared hope for. Romantic music, elegant dining, a walk on the beach
trading ever more daring flirtations and caresses, and now I was
throwing caution to the wind and bringing him into my rooms where
the walls were suddenly far too close to contain our passions. His
eyes were glittering, shining in the night air, and I could feel
the intensity of his stare like a physical thing as it traveled,
slowly, across my body. He claimed me with his gaze, and I waited
trembling for him to take possession of his new prize.
     
***
     
This has to have been the dullest goddamn
night I've ever had, she has to fuck me now. Jesus God, please let
her fuck me now, maybe a little head action.
     
***
     
My breath caught in my throat when he took a
step towards me. In the theater and on the beach, he seemed a
virile but charming man. Here in this enclosed space he seems a
barely-controlled tiger, a powerful, caged animal eager to let his
hunger consume the both of us. I wonder if I'll be able to handle
that which I have called forth? He's taken only a single step;
could he possess that much steely control? For I could plainly see
the most visible evidence of his lust for me, pulsing beneath his
clothing, twitching promises and ecstasies. A wave of scarlet
emotion swept through me and I went to him, casting aside any
pretensions towards dignity or my ladylike