true. You know? There’s this surreal feel to things, like you’re stuck in a tunnel and if you hold your breath and blink you’ll be back in the sunlight again.”
He understood well the need to be back in the light, the sky, the feeling of freedom he’d only ever found in his job. A fulfillment in bringing someone home.
Where would he ever find that now? At thirty-six years old, he faced the rest of his life with nothing matching up. A darkness so deep, he didn’t know how to claw his way out.
“I just focused on getting home so I could curl up against my husband. He would put his arms around me. And yeah, I would hold my breath and blink my eyes. Then things would be okay again.”
He couldn’t hold back any longer. He couldn’t change the past—and he couldn’t beat up the bastard who’d hurt her all those years ago—but Rick could offer her comfort now, even if it came years too late. He scooped her up from the foot of the bed and draped her over his lap, tucking her head under his chin. “You wouldn’t happen to have the address of your ex-husband handy so I could deliver an ass kicking?”
She laughed, just a little and a bit tight, but a welcome sound. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted. But for the most part I’m over that. My ex wasn’t a totally crass ass. He did hug me, but I could feel his distance. He wasn’t okay with this. The first round of treatments, they removed the tumor and did radiation. To his credit, he stuck it out through that before filing for divorce. But when the cancer came back and the docs insisted on a mastectomy, I was a single woman on my own.”
She shook her head, her tousled hair calling to his fingers as strongly as the tears he wished he could have wiped away for her then. He indulged himself and smoothed her hair, held her closer, dropped a kiss on top of her forehead.
Nola wrapped her arms around his waist. “Well, not totally on my own, because you were there TDY on a weekend that meant more to me than months of fake forced support from my ex-husband.”
She glanced up. Met his gaze. Held. “Thank you.”
He’d been thanked countless times by people he’d rescued in the field. Thanked in other languages. Even had a couple of kids named after him. Only now did he realize how he’d taken those two words for granted. Somehow he’d grown numb to the impact, the power, the emotional weight of those two simple words, only to have them slam into his chest now when he didn’t deserve them.
“You can’t give me credit for that.” He’d been an arrogant cuss enjoying a weekend with a gorgeous woman. “I didn’t even know.”
Her hands smoothed over his face in sensual strokes. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve learned that character is so deeply ingrained in a person…it’s just something you sense or you don’t.” She cocked her head to the side and winked. “You’ve got it in spades, buddy.”
He wished he had her faith in him, because he wanted to be the man she envisioned. This woman saw needs where he hadn’t ever realized they existed. Too easily he could get used to being around her. Too easily he could take advantage. What did he have to offer her?
He could be there now for what her fool of a husband hadn’t been there for five years ago. All right, so he would forge ahead. “Do you want to tell me more? I’ve spent a fair amount of time under the knife so there’s not much that can surprise me.”
A long breath shuddered through her so hard it gusted over him. “I think I do, uh, want to tell you, if you don’t mind. But I need you to stay where you are, okay?”
Rick tucked her head against his chest, under his chin and held her tight. “Can do.”
Her arms slid around his waist and held so tight it damn near broke his heart. “I had stage two cancer. It hadn’t moved to the lymph nodes, which was a blessing, but the tumor was so large and aggressive I needed both radiation and chemotherapy.”
Nola plucked at
He understood well the need to be back in the light, the sky, the feeling of freedom he’d only ever found in his job. A fulfillment in bringing someone home.
Where would he ever find that now? At thirty-six years old, he faced the rest of his life with nothing matching up. A darkness so deep, he didn’t know how to claw his way out.
“I just focused on getting home so I could curl up against my husband. He would put his arms around me. And yeah, I would hold my breath and blink my eyes. Then things would be okay again.”
He couldn’t hold back any longer. He couldn’t change the past—and he couldn’t beat up the bastard who’d hurt her all those years ago—but Rick could offer her comfort now, even if it came years too late. He scooped her up from the foot of the bed and draped her over his lap, tucking her head under his chin. “You wouldn’t happen to have the address of your ex-husband handy so I could deliver an ass kicking?”
She laughed, just a little and a bit tight, but a welcome sound. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted. But for the most part I’m over that. My ex wasn’t a totally crass ass. He did hug me, but I could feel his distance. He wasn’t okay with this. The first round of treatments, they removed the tumor and did radiation. To his credit, he stuck it out through that before filing for divorce. But when the cancer came back and the docs insisted on a mastectomy, I was a single woman on my own.”
She shook her head, her tousled hair calling to his fingers as strongly as the tears he wished he could have wiped away for her then. He indulged himself and smoothed her hair, held her closer, dropped a kiss on top of her forehead.
Nola wrapped her arms around his waist. “Well, not totally on my own, because you were there TDY on a weekend that meant more to me than months of fake forced support from my ex-husband.”
She glanced up. Met his gaze. Held. “Thank you.”
He’d been thanked countless times by people he’d rescued in the field. Thanked in other languages. Even had a couple of kids named after him. Only now did he realize how he’d taken those two words for granted. Somehow he’d grown numb to the impact, the power, the emotional weight of those two simple words, only to have them slam into his chest now when he didn’t deserve them.
“You can’t give me credit for that.” He’d been an arrogant cuss enjoying a weekend with a gorgeous woman. “I didn’t even know.”
Her hands smoothed over his face in sensual strokes. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve learned that character is so deeply ingrained in a person…it’s just something you sense or you don’t.” She cocked her head to the side and winked. “You’ve got it in spades, buddy.”
He wished he had her faith in him, because he wanted to be the man she envisioned. This woman saw needs where he hadn’t ever realized they existed. Too easily he could get used to being around her. Too easily he could take advantage. What did he have to offer her?
He could be there now for what her fool of a husband hadn’t been there for five years ago. All right, so he would forge ahead. “Do you want to tell me more? I’ve spent a fair amount of time under the knife so there’s not much that can surprise me.”
A long breath shuddered through her so hard it gusted over him. “I think I do, uh, want to tell you, if you don’t mind. But I need you to stay where you are, okay?”
Rick tucked her head against his chest, under his chin and held her tight. “Can do.”
Her arms slid around his waist and held so tight it damn near broke his heart. “I had stage two cancer. It hadn’t moved to the lymph nodes, which was a blessing, but the tumor was so large and aggressive I needed both radiation and chemotherapy.”
Nola plucked at
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