out.
“Son of a bitch.…” Tana was fuming as they walked slowly back to school, but Sharon was amazingly calm. It was the same feeling she had had the night before, with Tom, when they hadn't let them into the movie house. For an instant, there had been a quiet surge of power, an understanding of why she was there, and then depression had set in. But tonight, the depression hadn't hit her yet.
“Life is strange, isn't it? If this were in New York or L.A., or almost anywhere else, no one would give a damn. But down here, it's all-important that I'm black, you're white. Maybe my mother is right. Maybe it is time for a crusade. I don't know, I always thought that as long as I was comfortable, it didn't matter if things like that were happening to someone else. But all of a sudden that someone else is me.” Suddenly she knew why her mother had insisted on her coming here, and for the first time since she'd arrived, she wondered if she'd been right. Maybe she did belong here after all. Maybe she owed it to someone else for all the time that she had been comfortable. “I don't know what to think, Tan.…”
“Neither do I.…” They were walking along side by side. “I don't think I've ever felt so helpless or been so mad.…” And then suddenly Billy Durning's face came to mind, and she visibly winced, “Well … maybe once.…”
They suddenly felt closer than they ever had before. Tana almost wanted to put an arm around her to protect her from more hurt, as Sharon glanced over at her with a gentle smile. “When was that, Tan?”
“Oh a long time ago.…” She tried to smile, “… like five months.…”
“Oh yeah … a real long time ago.…” The two girls exchanged a smile and walked on as a car sped by, but no one bothered them, and Tana wasn't afraid. No one would ever do to her again what Billy Durning did. She would kill them first. And there was a strange ugly look in her eyes as Sharon glanced at her. “Must've been pretty bad.”
“It was.”
“Wanna talk about it?” Her voice was as soft as the charcoal gray night, and they walked along in silence for a time as Tana thought. She had never wanted to tell anyone about it before, not since she'd tried to tell her mom.
“I don't know.”
Sharon nodded, as though she understood. Everyone had something they didn't want to share. She had a secret like that herself. “It's okay, Tan.” But as she said the words, Tana looked at her, and suddenly the words burst from her, almost of their own.
“Yeah, I do.…” And then, “I don't know … how do you talk about something like that?” She began to walk faster as though to run away, and Sharon followed her easily on her long, graceful legs, unconsciously Tana ran a hand through her hair nervously, looked away, and began to breathe harder than she had before. “There's nothing much to say.… I went to a party after I graduated in June … my mother's boss's house … he has this real little shit of a son … and I told my mother I didn't want to go.…” Her breath was coming in little short gasps and Sharon knew she wasn't aware of it as they hurried along. She knew that whatever it was, it was torturing the girl, and it would be better if she got it out. “Anyway, she said I had to go anyway … she always says that … that's the way she is, about Arthur Durning anyway, and his kids … she's blind to what they are, and…” the words stopped, and they walked on, hurrying, hurrying, as though she could still run away, and Sharon kept pace, watching her as she struggled with the memories and then began to speak again, “… anyway, this dumb boy picked me up and we got there … to the party, I mean … and everyone got drunk … and the dumb guy who brought me got drunk and disappeared and I was wandering around the house … and Billy … Arthur's son … asked me if I wanted to see the room where my mother worked, and I knew where it was.…” There were tears running down her
“Son of a bitch.…” Tana was fuming as they walked slowly back to school, but Sharon was amazingly calm. It was the same feeling she had had the night before, with Tom, when they hadn't let them into the movie house. For an instant, there had been a quiet surge of power, an understanding of why she was there, and then depression had set in. But tonight, the depression hadn't hit her yet.
“Life is strange, isn't it? If this were in New York or L.A., or almost anywhere else, no one would give a damn. But down here, it's all-important that I'm black, you're white. Maybe my mother is right. Maybe it is time for a crusade. I don't know, I always thought that as long as I was comfortable, it didn't matter if things like that were happening to someone else. But all of a sudden that someone else is me.” Suddenly she knew why her mother had insisted on her coming here, and for the first time since she'd arrived, she wondered if she'd been right. Maybe she did belong here after all. Maybe she owed it to someone else for all the time that she had been comfortable. “I don't know what to think, Tan.…”
“Neither do I.…” They were walking along side by side. “I don't think I've ever felt so helpless or been so mad.…” And then suddenly Billy Durning's face came to mind, and she visibly winced, “Well … maybe once.…”
They suddenly felt closer than they ever had before. Tana almost wanted to put an arm around her to protect her from more hurt, as Sharon glanced over at her with a gentle smile. “When was that, Tan?”
“Oh a long time ago.…” She tried to smile, “… like five months.…”
“Oh yeah … a real long time ago.…” The two girls exchanged a smile and walked on as a car sped by, but no one bothered them, and Tana wasn't afraid. No one would ever do to her again what Billy Durning did. She would kill them first. And there was a strange ugly look in her eyes as Sharon glanced at her. “Must've been pretty bad.”
“It was.”
“Wanna talk about it?” Her voice was as soft as the charcoal gray night, and they walked along in silence for a time as Tana thought. She had never wanted to tell anyone about it before, not since she'd tried to tell her mom.
“I don't know.”
Sharon nodded, as though she understood. Everyone had something they didn't want to share. She had a secret like that herself. “It's okay, Tan.” But as she said the words, Tana looked at her, and suddenly the words burst from her, almost of their own.
“Yeah, I do.…” And then, “I don't know … how do you talk about something like that?” She began to walk faster as though to run away, and Sharon followed her easily on her long, graceful legs, unconsciously Tana ran a hand through her hair nervously, looked away, and began to breathe harder than she had before. “There's nothing much to say.… I went to a party after I graduated in June … my mother's boss's house … he has this real little shit of a son … and I told my mother I didn't want to go.…” Her breath was coming in little short gasps and Sharon knew she wasn't aware of it as they hurried along. She knew that whatever it was, it was torturing the girl, and it would be better if she got it out. “Anyway, she said I had to go anyway … she always says that … that's the way she is, about Arthur Durning anyway, and his kids … she's blind to what they are, and…” the words stopped, and they walked on, hurrying, hurrying, as though she could still run away, and Sharon kept pace, watching her as she struggled with the memories and then began to speak again, “… anyway, this dumb boy picked me up and we got there … to the party, I mean … and everyone got drunk … and the dumb guy who brought me got drunk and disappeared and I was wandering around the house … and Billy … Arthur's son … asked me if I wanted to see the room where my mother worked, and I knew where it was.…” There were tears running down her
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