Fuck Buddy by Scott Hildreth

contest. All in all, the party was a great time, and the memories of it were still fresh on my mind.
    It seemed I pushed some memories out of my mind completely to make room for the precious ones I wanted to keep. The Halloween party was a keeper. 
    “No,” he said. “It was a great party. Good times. Really good times.”
    He rolled onto his back and brushed the sand from his chest and stomach. His mid-summer tan was deep and dark, and the top layer of his hair had become a light brown. Each time he swiped his hand across his stomach, the muscles on his upper arm flared. At times, for me at least, it was easy to get lost in admiring Luke.
    This was one of those times.
    Resting on his elbows with his shoulders elevated from the towel, he gazed out at the ocean. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”
    “I was just thinking the same thing,” I responded.
    I turned to face him. “Could you live without surfing?”
    He continued to silently stare for some time before responding. “I suppose so. I wouldn’t like it, but I could.”
    “Without the ocean?”
    “Wow. I don’t like thinking about it, but yeah. I could.”
    “The two things you love the most,” I said. “And you could do without ‘em. Not me. I can’t imagine not having the ocean. That’s what I’ve been thinking about.”
    “If you grew up in fucking Denver or whatever – no, let’s say Omaha. If you grew up in fucking Omaha, Nebraska or something. Yeah, let’s say Omaha, and your parents moved to St. Louis after high school. Would you have gone?” he asked.
    “Are you in Omaha with me?”
    He shook his head and laughed. “No, Liv. I’m right here. Kicking it at the beach in SD.”
    “Probably,” I responded. “There wouldn’t have been any reason for me to stay.”
    “So did you stay here for the beach or for me?” he asked.
    I gazed out across the endless ocean. “A little of both.”
    He continued to sit and silently stare toward the horizon. After a moment, I cleared my throat and began a new line of questioning. “What are you not willing to give up? You said you could lose surfing and the ocean and live through it. But what would crush you?”
    “What would crush me if I lost it? That’s an easy one,” he responded.
    He tilted his head toward me. “You. I can’t imagine not having you. Cant, and wont.”
    My throat constricted and my mouth went dry. I swallowed hard and grinned. “That’s sweet. Thank you.”
    “It’s true. No need to thank me.” He rolled from the towel, pushed himself up to his knees, and stood.
    I tried to hide my excitement from hearing him say he couldn’t live without me, but I doubt I did a good job. I’d never been good at hiding much of anything, and my feelings were no exception.
    He loomed over me, seeming much taller than he actually was. “What are you thinking about?”
    I scrunched my nose and acted like I was searching for an answer, but I didn’t have to. I was thinking of him. Being with him on a bigger scale. For real. In a relationship. A real relationship.
    “You,” I said.
    There, I said it.
    “What about me?”
    “Everything.”
    He laughed. “You’re thinking about everything about me?”
    “Don’t be difficult. No, not everything . Just, I don’t know. Thinking.”
    “That’s what I’m asking, Liv. About what? You’ve been staring out at the waves for the last hour and a half. What’s on your mind?”
    I knew better than to tell him the truth. We’d talked about it too many times, and he made himself crystal clear. Luke was scared to death of losing me, and even though I knew there was nothing he could do to cause me to leave him, convincing him of that was impossible. He felt whatever caused his relationship with Valerie to end was something that naturally occurred as a result of him being who he was.
    Although I didn’t know exactly what it was that caused the breakup, I also knew it didn’t matter, at least not for now. I actually had everything I needed with our