your closets with bulky foam mattresses or uncomfortable camping beds, Slumber-Puff deflates to an amazing thirty by thirty inches, so it’ll fit into a regular drawer!’
‘Far out!’ exclaimed Babs, in an over-the-top imitation of one of the kids from Fame. ‘And I have to confess, Randy, I’m amazed at how comfortable the Slumber-Puff is. It feels so firm.’
‘It’s as firm as an ordinary mattress, and I’d like to demonstrate that now for our viewers. So, Babs, why don’t you lie down there and get some rest and I’ll put the Slumber-Puff to the test?’
Babs lay down on the incredibly uncomfortable bed and closed her eyes, with an expression of ecstasy – she was determined to impress.
Meanwhile, in the corner, old Randy boy was limbering up, stretching and flexing his muscles. Babs was lulled into a false sense of security, thinking Randy was going to bounce gently on the bed while she ‘slept’ peacefully with her back to him. Randy, clearly a former interstate gymnast of some sort, came charging over from the side of the studio, threw himself into a cartwheel and landed feet first on Babs’s hair, almost ripping it out of her head. It took every inch of her self-control not to scream. Then he proceeded to backflip several times as the blow-up mattress bounced violently up and down, almost throwing Babs overboard as she clung to the side, pretending to be in a deep sleep. As Randy leaped, bounced and flipped about, determined to convince the viewers that this was a sturdy bed, he kept up a steady stream of breathless commentary.
‘You see, folks, the Slumber-Puff mattress is so solid and sturdy that I can be doing all this while my girlfriend sleeps soundly beside me.’
As Randy saw the countdown for the ad break, he decided to outdo himself with one final giant backflip and, just as they cut to ads, crashed onto Babs’s head. She shot up, grabbed him by the ankles and flung him on to the floor. As she stared at the clumps of her hair that lay in sorry piles in the middle of the mattress, she lost her cool. ‘You fucking moron!’ she screamed, at the winded Randy. ‘This isn’t the bloody circus. You nearly took my head off, not to mind all my bloody hair. I’m practically bald! On top of which you landed several times on my right hand, which I now think is broken,’ she said, peering down at it.
‘All right, Babs, calm down. No need for violence,’ said Billy, rushing over. ‘You’re doing really well. Just a bit more to go,’ he said, smoothing what remained of her hair down and gently guiding her back on to the bed. We’re back from the break, and ten, nine, eight…’
‘Wake up, honey,’ said Randy, shaking a still fuming Babs. ‘Did you feel any of that activity?’
‘No, it’s awesome. I actually fell asleep,’ said the future Oscar-winner, yawning as she smiled up at Randy, trying to ignore the throbbing in her head and hand. ‘Were you beside me the whole time?’
Randy grinned into the camera. ‘You see, folks? It’s really that effective. And to prove it to you again, I’m going to ask Babs to join me in some jumping.’
With that, Randy grabbed her hands and jumped up and down like an excited kid with Babs in tow. ‘Come on, Babs, higher,’ he said. ‘Isn’t this fun?’
‘Oh, Randy, I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun. This Slumber-Puff mattress is the best,’ said Babs, trying not to wince as Randy’s full bodyweight thudded onto her feet.
‘Do you think our viewers are going to be impressed?’
‘I don’t see how they couldn’t,’ puffed Babs. ‘I’m going to order one now for myself, because I know these Slumber-Puff mattresses are going to fly out of the door, especially with the four easy payment options.’
‘Exactly!’ said the clumsiest acrobat in America. ‘This incredible mattress – code five four three nine five two – can be yours for the unbelievable price of three hundred and forty-three pounds eighty, or
‘Far out!’ exclaimed Babs, in an over-the-top imitation of one of the kids from Fame. ‘And I have to confess, Randy, I’m amazed at how comfortable the Slumber-Puff is. It feels so firm.’
‘It’s as firm as an ordinary mattress, and I’d like to demonstrate that now for our viewers. So, Babs, why don’t you lie down there and get some rest and I’ll put the Slumber-Puff to the test?’
Babs lay down on the incredibly uncomfortable bed and closed her eyes, with an expression of ecstasy – she was determined to impress.
Meanwhile, in the corner, old Randy boy was limbering up, stretching and flexing his muscles. Babs was lulled into a false sense of security, thinking Randy was going to bounce gently on the bed while she ‘slept’ peacefully with her back to him. Randy, clearly a former interstate gymnast of some sort, came charging over from the side of the studio, threw himself into a cartwheel and landed feet first on Babs’s hair, almost ripping it out of her head. It took every inch of her self-control not to scream. Then he proceeded to backflip several times as the blow-up mattress bounced violently up and down, almost throwing Babs overboard as she clung to the side, pretending to be in a deep sleep. As Randy leaped, bounced and flipped about, determined to convince the viewers that this was a sturdy bed, he kept up a steady stream of breathless commentary.
‘You see, folks, the Slumber-Puff mattress is so solid and sturdy that I can be doing all this while my girlfriend sleeps soundly beside me.’
As Randy saw the countdown for the ad break, he decided to outdo himself with one final giant backflip and, just as they cut to ads, crashed onto Babs’s head. She shot up, grabbed him by the ankles and flung him on to the floor. As she stared at the clumps of her hair that lay in sorry piles in the middle of the mattress, she lost her cool. ‘You fucking moron!’ she screamed, at the winded Randy. ‘This isn’t the bloody circus. You nearly took my head off, not to mind all my bloody hair. I’m practically bald! On top of which you landed several times on my right hand, which I now think is broken,’ she said, peering down at it.
‘All right, Babs, calm down. No need for violence,’ said Billy, rushing over. ‘You’re doing really well. Just a bit more to go,’ he said, smoothing what remained of her hair down and gently guiding her back on to the bed. We’re back from the break, and ten, nine, eight…’
‘Wake up, honey,’ said Randy, shaking a still fuming Babs. ‘Did you feel any of that activity?’
‘No, it’s awesome. I actually fell asleep,’ said the future Oscar-winner, yawning as she smiled up at Randy, trying to ignore the throbbing in her head and hand. ‘Were you beside me the whole time?’
Randy grinned into the camera. ‘You see, folks? It’s really that effective. And to prove it to you again, I’m going to ask Babs to join me in some jumping.’
With that, Randy grabbed her hands and jumped up and down like an excited kid with Babs in tow. ‘Come on, Babs, higher,’ he said. ‘Isn’t this fun?’
‘Oh, Randy, I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun. This Slumber-Puff mattress is the best,’ said Babs, trying not to wince as Randy’s full bodyweight thudded onto her feet.
‘Do you think our viewers are going to be impressed?’
‘I don’t see how they couldn’t,’ puffed Babs. ‘I’m going to order one now for myself, because I know these Slumber-Puff mattresses are going to fly out of the door, especially with the four easy payment options.’
‘Exactly!’ said the clumsiest acrobat in America. ‘This incredible mattress – code five four three nine five two – can be yours for the unbelievable price of three hundred and forty-three pounds eighty, or
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