too. So just go home and let me be. I’ll be okay.”
“No. You’re going home with me.”
“No. I can’t, Case. I’ve taken advantage of you for far too long. And I need to get on with things. If I don’t start one day at a time, I’ll never do it.” I force myself to lift my head.
He gives me the hardest look I’ve ever seen, but then he jerks his head and leaves. When he’s gone, I lean back and curl up in a ball and try to sleep. Eventually I do, but fitfully. And my dreams are of Kolson calling to me, but I can’t reach him. My arm isn’t long enough and he fades away before I can touch him.
CHAPTER TEN
Kolson
Three weeks have passed and I can now risk going out. My beard has grown and my dyed hair is longer. I always wear a hoodie since the weather has cooled with fall in full swing now, and either I wear sunglasses or go out at night. I have to be near her.
I stage myself across from her office and time it just right to get a glimpse of her coming or going. Sam knows I’m going to be here. He doesn’t think it’s smart, but I don’t care. I need to see her for myself.
He drops her off and gets out to walk her to the door. When they arrive, he stops and chats with her. She’s thinner and her face looks grief-stricken. I’m not close enough to get a good look, but I can sense her unhappiness. It’s her stooped posture and sagging shoulders. Her hand fingers the locket I gave her, as if it gives her comfort. It makes me wonder if it does. And then it fills me with regret … regret for listening to her … regret for not showering her with gift after gift. I could’ve given her all kinds of jewelry and trinkets. But I chose not to because she said she didn’t want them. And now I’m filled with such aching remorse for not doing it. Why did I listen?
Kahlil Gibran said, “And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”
The first time I read those words, I thought of my biological mother. But now I know what he truly meant when he wrote them. I recognized my love for Gabriella was intense and true but I hadn’t a clue of its boundless depths until we were apart.
I should’ve listened to Sam.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Gabriella
Week four A.K. This is how I measure time now. Before Kolson and After Kolson. I force myself to eat, but food tastes awful and I can barely keep it in my stomach. My clothes hang on me and my face looks like death. Purple half moons shadow my eyes and my hair is lank and dull. My luster has faded from the outside just as it has on the inside. On the positive side, if there is one, I’m staying at my old studio. Nights are shitty, but I sleep there. Sleeping in the bed I shared with Kolson isn’t close to doable. His presence still lingers and puts me in such a depressed state that I become physically ill. I go to the penthouse every day to collect mail and do everything else, but I can’t bring myself to spend the night there. It’s ridiculous, but my vivid recollections of what we shared in that bed are too overwhelming. Things are better in my little studio.
I step out of the penthouse elevator and come to an abrupt halt. Kestrel stands there like a predator. I’m not sure if I should be frightened. He’s not communicated with me once during all of this so this visit takes me by surprise.
“Gabby. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
His voice, mannerisms, looks, everything are so compelling and scary, I want to flee. But I stand my ground.
“A call would’ve been nice. He’s been missing for four weeks now.” I’m suddenly angry. This is his brother. What the fuck!
“I know. I’ve been in Vegas and just returned. I came as soon as I could.”
“Fuck that, Kestrel. This is Kolson we’re talking about. Your brother. Let’s be honest. The real reason you didn’t come was because of your fuck of a father.”
He jerks his head back. Oh yeah, I’ve shocked the poor
“No. You’re going home with me.”
“No. I can’t, Case. I’ve taken advantage of you for far too long. And I need to get on with things. If I don’t start one day at a time, I’ll never do it.” I force myself to lift my head.
He gives me the hardest look I’ve ever seen, but then he jerks his head and leaves. When he’s gone, I lean back and curl up in a ball and try to sleep. Eventually I do, but fitfully. And my dreams are of Kolson calling to me, but I can’t reach him. My arm isn’t long enough and he fades away before I can touch him.
CHAPTER TEN
Kolson
Three weeks have passed and I can now risk going out. My beard has grown and my dyed hair is longer. I always wear a hoodie since the weather has cooled with fall in full swing now, and either I wear sunglasses or go out at night. I have to be near her.
I stage myself across from her office and time it just right to get a glimpse of her coming or going. Sam knows I’m going to be here. He doesn’t think it’s smart, but I don’t care. I need to see her for myself.
He drops her off and gets out to walk her to the door. When they arrive, he stops and chats with her. She’s thinner and her face looks grief-stricken. I’m not close enough to get a good look, but I can sense her unhappiness. It’s her stooped posture and sagging shoulders. Her hand fingers the locket I gave her, as if it gives her comfort. It makes me wonder if it does. And then it fills me with regret … regret for listening to her … regret for not showering her with gift after gift. I could’ve given her all kinds of jewelry and trinkets. But I chose not to because she said she didn’t want them. And now I’m filled with such aching remorse for not doing it. Why did I listen?
Kahlil Gibran said, “And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”
The first time I read those words, I thought of my biological mother. But now I know what he truly meant when he wrote them. I recognized my love for Gabriella was intense and true but I hadn’t a clue of its boundless depths until we were apart.
I should’ve listened to Sam.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Gabriella
Week four A.K. This is how I measure time now. Before Kolson and After Kolson. I force myself to eat, but food tastes awful and I can barely keep it in my stomach. My clothes hang on me and my face looks like death. Purple half moons shadow my eyes and my hair is lank and dull. My luster has faded from the outside just as it has on the inside. On the positive side, if there is one, I’m staying at my old studio. Nights are shitty, but I sleep there. Sleeping in the bed I shared with Kolson isn’t close to doable. His presence still lingers and puts me in such a depressed state that I become physically ill. I go to the penthouse every day to collect mail and do everything else, but I can’t bring myself to spend the night there. It’s ridiculous, but my vivid recollections of what we shared in that bed are too overwhelming. Things are better in my little studio.
I step out of the penthouse elevator and come to an abrupt halt. Kestrel stands there like a predator. I’m not sure if I should be frightened. He’s not communicated with me once during all of this so this visit takes me by surprise.
“Gabby. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
His voice, mannerisms, looks, everything are so compelling and scary, I want to flee. But I stand my ground.
“A call would’ve been nice. He’s been missing for four weeks now.” I’m suddenly angry. This is his brother. What the fuck!
“I know. I’ve been in Vegas and just returned. I came as soon as I could.”
“Fuck that, Kestrel. This is Kolson we’re talking about. Your brother. Let’s be honest. The real reason you didn’t come was because of your fuck of a father.”
He jerks his head back. Oh yeah, I’ve shocked the poor
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