Four Summers by Nyrae Dawn

than that with Roxi, but I still remember how it felt when my lips touched hers.
    I’ve definitely thought about doing it again.
    We get to the fort and she leads me around back. The moon is so bright out here that it’s easy to see, especially with our flashlights.
    I stop when I see there are two wooden chairs behind the building with a little table between them. I know she said she used to come out here a lot when she was a kid, but I didn’t realize she still did.
    “Where’d these come from?”
    Charlotte sits in one of the chairs. “It was a project for my dad and I this year. He says he needs to keep busy because he’s getting old and doesn’t want to lose his touch. Which I think is ridiculous. Guest are always coming and going all year around. No one keeps as busy as my dad and—”
    “—Charlotte?”
    She looks up at me, face awash in moonlight. “Yeah?”
    “You’re rambling.” Before I probably would have laughed. Maybe said more to make her laugh, but I don’t. Instead I only sit in the chair next to hers. She pulls her knees up so her feet are flat on the chair, and wraps her arms around her legs. She does that when she’s nervous, like when we sat out here and she told me about her parents and how she wanted to leave.
    I guess it’s my time to man up and talk to her, too.
    “It wasn’t you.” As soon as the words leave my mouth I know it’s a stupid thing to say.
    Charlotte laughs. “Is it one of those it’s not you, it’s me speeches? I didn’t realize those went with friendships, too. Unless you think it’s because we kissed, but it had been months so that doesn’t make sense.”
    She rambles more this year than she did last. It’s cute. “It’s not because we kissed. It’s not you that I wanted to stay away from. I was just…having a hard time.”
    “And I would have made that harder through emailing? If you didn’t want to talk anymore, that’s fine. I get it. But I deserved at least a kiss off email—”
    “—A girl got hurt because of me, all right? She got attacked and could have died and I’m the one who set up the fucking meeting!”
    Charlotte goes quiet. The only sound around us is the water in the creek and the rustle of the trees mixed with crickets. Those words were so hard for me to get out. I know it’s stupid. They’re just words, and if I could live through what happened, I could say them, right?
    “Nathaniel…”
    “Chrissy was Roxi’s best friend. She was my best friend, Adam’s girlfriend. He’d been acting kind of different, and not in a good way, but I didn’t realize how much different. I guess part of it was playing Varsity as a freshman and then sophomore. I don’t know, but he started turning into a prick, but he was my friend and I didn’t want to just bail on him.
    “Anyway. They’d been fighting a lot. Adam cheated on her and she broke up with him. Adam kept trying to get Chrissy back, but she wouldn’t talk to him. He talked me into getting her to meet me. He wanted me to tell her I wanted to talk to her. And because she trusted me...she agreed.”
    I stop talking, feeling more like an idiot as I go along. Why did I listen to him, anyway? It wasn’t my business to get in the middle.
    “What happened next?” Charlotte asks.
    “It was at a party, which again, stupid, but I wasn’t thinking. We’d all been drinking so she comes and we meet in this room, and then Adam comes out with flowers and stuff for her. She was upset at first, but then he gave her the flowers and said he was sorry and started to beg her to talk. I left them in there and I went outside. It wasn’t long that I was gone, but…damn, I don’t know. I guess I just had a bad feeling so I went back in and the door was locked. I knocked, but nobody answered and I started freaking out.
    “I’d been in there a million times though and knew they kept keys on top of the doorway so I unlocked it and he had his hands around her throat, Charlotte. He was choking