addiction is now released. What will you do? What have you learned from the gift of living? How will you go on to get your life in order?”
Forgiveness immediately came to my mind. But I was too angry and hurt even to consider it. Who needed forgiveness anyway? Was it me, for spending so much time in addiction and away from my mother? Or was it the damaged, dysfunctional child who had taken her life? Forgiveness felt like a plan in the future, not for the justifiable pain of the moment. Forgiveness was what God would do for him. It wasn’t my job. I had to wake up without my mother in my childhood home. I had to clean up all the stuff she left behind. I had to look through her things and discover her own soul searching that she had documented in her Bible. I found her handwritten notes, her prayers to God. As I read them I realized how blessed I was to have had a mother who had prayed for me.
Those prayers helped to soften my heart. I thought about her murderer, a child with a television and a gun, who had no guidance or support; a boy who did not have a mother like mine. I remembered how happy my mother had been when I finally got clean. She was so proud of me. I wondered if his mother had ever prayed for him? Or if she had been drunk all of his life? What could I do to preserve her prayers? This time she did answer: “The same love and prayers you received, the ones that changed your life, are the same prayers you offer for others.” But I wanted him to suffer.
For the next three years I was absolutely miserable. Sleepless nights, exaggerated mood swings, feelings of loss and hopelessness that I could not shake. When I thought about him and my dead mother—and me not doing anything about it—the anger became unbearable. How can I pray for him? How can I forgive him? Who and what would I become if I continued holding on to unforgiveness? I felt right in my position but wrong in my soul. I felt disconnected from God, which I knew meant I was disconnected from my mother. It was all ego— edging God out —so I could keep my self-righteous feelings. It was the ruthlessness of my ego reigning supreme in my mind.
----
F ORGIVENESS IS A SILENT, INTIMATE TEACHER. SHE IS ALWAYS READY TO BRING THE LESSONS YOU NEED, WHETHER OR NOT YOU WANT TO LEARN .
----
So what do I know about forgiveness? Forgiveness is a silent, intimate teacher. She is always ready to bring the lessons you need, whether or not you want to learn. Forgiveness is the mother who soothes the rough edges of your life, enabling the willing heart and mind to surrender.
I had to make a choice. I chose peace. I chose a solid, intimate relationship with God as the path to an eternal relationship with my mother. Forgiveness is the path to peace. It doesn’t have to make sense, and you don’t have to want to do it. What I wanted was to create a new street code for myself. Through forgiveness God now had a way to speak to me. I still hear it most of the time. It is the voice of love. I now know that forgiveness is the voice of love that turns all weakness into strength.
D AILY F ORGIVENESS P ROCESS R EMINDERS
For a more detailed explanation of the Daily Forgiveness Process Guidelines ,
Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed for at least 30 to 60 minutes.
Still your mind for at least 5 minutes or listen to the Stillness Meditation.
Read the Forgiveness Prayer once silently and once aloud.
Scan the Emotional Triggers List.
Write out the 12 Forgiveness Statements for each day’s topic on thinking, judging, and believing in your Forgiveness Journal (Days 1–18). Write your Forgiveness Letters (Days 19–21).
Perform your Pro EFT™ Forgiveness Tapping Sequences.
Process thoughts and feelings consciously through your Forgiveness Journal Reflections.
Listen to the Gratitude Meditation on the Forgiveness CD.
Complete the day’s practice in quiet reflection or with meditative music.
Be sure to do something good for yourself today!
F ORGIVE M
Forgiveness immediately came to my mind. But I was too angry and hurt even to consider it. Who needed forgiveness anyway? Was it me, for spending so much time in addiction and away from my mother? Or was it the damaged, dysfunctional child who had taken her life? Forgiveness felt like a plan in the future, not for the justifiable pain of the moment. Forgiveness was what God would do for him. It wasn’t my job. I had to wake up without my mother in my childhood home. I had to clean up all the stuff she left behind. I had to look through her things and discover her own soul searching that she had documented in her Bible. I found her handwritten notes, her prayers to God. As I read them I realized how blessed I was to have had a mother who had prayed for me.
Those prayers helped to soften my heart. I thought about her murderer, a child with a television and a gun, who had no guidance or support; a boy who did not have a mother like mine. I remembered how happy my mother had been when I finally got clean. She was so proud of me. I wondered if his mother had ever prayed for him? Or if she had been drunk all of his life? What could I do to preserve her prayers? This time she did answer: “The same love and prayers you received, the ones that changed your life, are the same prayers you offer for others.” But I wanted him to suffer.
For the next three years I was absolutely miserable. Sleepless nights, exaggerated mood swings, feelings of loss and hopelessness that I could not shake. When I thought about him and my dead mother—and me not doing anything about it—the anger became unbearable. How can I pray for him? How can I forgive him? Who and what would I become if I continued holding on to unforgiveness? I felt right in my position but wrong in my soul. I felt disconnected from God, which I knew meant I was disconnected from my mother. It was all ego— edging God out —so I could keep my self-righteous feelings. It was the ruthlessness of my ego reigning supreme in my mind.
----
F ORGIVENESS IS A SILENT, INTIMATE TEACHER. SHE IS ALWAYS READY TO BRING THE LESSONS YOU NEED, WHETHER OR NOT YOU WANT TO LEARN .
----
So what do I know about forgiveness? Forgiveness is a silent, intimate teacher. She is always ready to bring the lessons you need, whether or not you want to learn. Forgiveness is the mother who soothes the rough edges of your life, enabling the willing heart and mind to surrender.
I had to make a choice. I chose peace. I chose a solid, intimate relationship with God as the path to an eternal relationship with my mother. Forgiveness is the path to peace. It doesn’t have to make sense, and you don’t have to want to do it. What I wanted was to create a new street code for myself. Through forgiveness God now had a way to speak to me. I still hear it most of the time. It is the voice of love. I now know that forgiveness is the voice of love that turns all weakness into strength.
D AILY F ORGIVENESS P ROCESS R EMINDERS
For a more detailed explanation of the Daily Forgiveness Process Guidelines ,
Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed for at least 30 to 60 minutes.
Still your mind for at least 5 minutes or listen to the Stillness Meditation.
Read the Forgiveness Prayer once silently and once aloud.
Scan the Emotional Triggers List.
Write out the 12 Forgiveness Statements for each day’s topic on thinking, judging, and believing in your Forgiveness Journal (Days 1–18). Write your Forgiveness Letters (Days 19–21).
Perform your Pro EFT™ Forgiveness Tapping Sequences.
Process thoughts and feelings consciously through your Forgiveness Journal Reflections.
Listen to the Gratitude Meditation on the Forgiveness CD.
Complete the day’s practice in quiet reflection or with meditative music.
Be sure to do something good for yourself today!
F ORGIVE M
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