easier.
At least I have them now.
* * *
After Reed leaves I don't call Emmy or my mother or even delve into my past to find someone to talk to there. The therapist I went to in Seattle had said I could call her any time no matter how long I'd been "officially" out of therapy, but I've never been good at taking people up on offers like that.
I sit and watch the sun set, and after a while Kellan comes downstairs, polite but distant, and goes out for a run. I watch which way he goes, then head along the water in the other direction, trying to clear my head.
Instead, the same questions keep coming up, over and over. If David Reynolds forgave Kellan for the accident Kellan caused which killed Reynolds' family, then who sent the box full of photos and the "eye for an eye" threat?
What does the threat even mean? Is someone actually threatening Kellan? Taken literally the threat implies a traffic accident – how would anyone set that up without being directly involved?
If it isn't Reynolds, who else could it be? The case made the papers, of course, and since Kellan was tried as an adult, his name was released, which was why Bruce moved from Atlanta to Charleston. But why would anyone wait until now to do something? And why include the family photos? Even if the person who sent the box feels that strongly about Kellan having taken the lives of the family, how would they get hold of the photos without –
Being a family member?
How am I supposed to find that out?
I've stopped walking. If I were facing the ocean people might think I'm just standing here contemplating. Since I'm still staring down the beach in the direction I was heading, a few groups of people walk around me, looking at me curiously.
I hardly notice. I need to find out if someone in David Reynolds' family might not share his sentiments of forgiveness. If it's someone from his family or his late wife Aimee's, then the answer to the why wait until now question becomes self-evident. They waited because Kellan has just gotten out of prison a few weeks ago.
This is the last thing he needs. I shove my hands in my pockets and continue my walk up the beach, trying to toss my hair out of my face and eyes. Kellan carries around a world of guilt. No matter what he says about making the best of things, living a full life, trying to make up for what happened, trying to be a light in the world to make up for the lights that got snuffed out, I know the pain he deals with. He'll never feel he measures up. He can do everything he can to make up for one instant of youthful stupidity and still go on paying, all his life, heart and soul.
He feels ruined.
My next step falters. Is this why he keeps drawing away from me? He's said before that he's ruined and sees no way out of the life that surrounds him. He's said he isn't going to drag me down with him and only by pursuing him did I get him to change his mind. Is he pulling away now because someone is targeting him?
That isn't fair! Fine, fair isn't what the world is all about and no one promised him a rose garden (or me, either) and the past can't be undone and so on and so forth, but Kellan's done his time. He's served his sentence. He's trying to find work, preferably something that matters. He's trying to make his peace with his father. He's trying to build a life that brings light into the world.
No one has the right to do this to him.
So step one: Find out if David or Aimee Reynolds has family that maybe hasn't let go
At least I have them now.
* * *
After Reed leaves I don't call Emmy or my mother or even delve into my past to find someone to talk to there. The therapist I went to in Seattle had said I could call her any time no matter how long I'd been "officially" out of therapy, but I've never been good at taking people up on offers like that.
I sit and watch the sun set, and after a while Kellan comes downstairs, polite but distant, and goes out for a run. I watch which way he goes, then head along the water in the other direction, trying to clear my head.
Instead, the same questions keep coming up, over and over. If David Reynolds forgave Kellan for the accident Kellan caused which killed Reynolds' family, then who sent the box full of photos and the "eye for an eye" threat?
What does the threat even mean? Is someone actually threatening Kellan? Taken literally the threat implies a traffic accident – how would anyone set that up without being directly involved?
If it isn't Reynolds, who else could it be? The case made the papers, of course, and since Kellan was tried as an adult, his name was released, which was why Bruce moved from Atlanta to Charleston. But why would anyone wait until now to do something? And why include the family photos? Even if the person who sent the box feels that strongly about Kellan having taken the lives of the family, how would they get hold of the photos without –
Being a family member?
How am I supposed to find that out?
I've stopped walking. If I were facing the ocean people might think I'm just standing here contemplating. Since I'm still staring down the beach in the direction I was heading, a few groups of people walk around me, looking at me curiously.
I hardly notice. I need to find out if someone in David Reynolds' family might not share his sentiments of forgiveness. If it's someone from his family or his late wife Aimee's, then the answer to the why wait until now question becomes self-evident. They waited because Kellan has just gotten out of prison a few weeks ago.
This is the last thing he needs. I shove my hands in my pockets and continue my walk up the beach, trying to toss my hair out of my face and eyes. Kellan carries around a world of guilt. No matter what he says about making the best of things, living a full life, trying to make up for what happened, trying to be a light in the world to make up for the lights that got snuffed out, I know the pain he deals with. He'll never feel he measures up. He can do everything he can to make up for one instant of youthful stupidity and still go on paying, all his life, heart and soul.
He feels ruined.
My next step falters. Is this why he keeps drawing away from me? He's said before that he's ruined and sees no way out of the life that surrounds him. He's said he isn't going to drag me down with him and only by pursuing him did I get him to change his mind. Is he pulling away now because someone is targeting him?
That isn't fair! Fine, fair isn't what the world is all about and no one promised him a rose garden (or me, either) and the past can't be undone and so on and so forth, but Kellan's done his time. He's served his sentence. He's trying to find work, preferably something that matters. He's trying to make his peace with his father. He's trying to build a life that brings light into the world.
No one has the right to do this to him.
So step one: Find out if David or Aimee Reynolds has family that maybe hasn't let go
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