estate. Between the hospital and rehab, he never was able to get out to see it again.”
Her voice caught on the last word.
“You met him at just the right time for him,” I said. “You brought him so much happiness this past year.”
She pulled her cap off and rubbed her head. Her wispy blonde hair crackled with static. “It seemed so short.”
I thought of my seven days with Finn. That had been short. But then, Tina had only three hours with her baby. We could never have had enough. How often did we ever think that time was enough? Gavin had only a year with Manuelito before Rosa took him away again.
Grandparents. Parents. Children. Pets. Never enough time. This was where we should concentrate our energy. Where we should place our happiness. But life kept going. Work. Obligations. They stole our time.
I had to stop thinking about it. My life was making me crazy. I had priorities. I wanted a family to prioritize. But I had no way to make it happen right now. I was stuck. Gavin was snipped. We were barely making ends meet. No time or money for surgery. No time or money for a baby even if he hadn’t had the vasectomy.
Tina directed me through a neighborhood where each house was surrounded by fences and gates. “It’s three down,” she said. “The gray brick one.” She dragged her brown suede knapsack up from the floor and dug around.
When we approached the drive, Tina pushed a button on what looked like a garage door opener. The iron gate glided on a track to let us through.
The road led to a circle in front of a large house with gray pillars. Everything about the property was colorless. The grass was long dead, smashed down with huge patches of dirt.
“Cheerful, isn’t it?” Tina said.
“I guess it matches the personality of someone who painted demonic clowns,” I said.
She sat back, surveying the house. “He was a real mess most of his career. He never got over his wife and daughter. Losing them was the ultimate failure.”
I stopped the car in front of the door. “Nobody could handle that,” I said. “And someone sensitive like Albert didn’t stand a chance anyway.”
She nodded. “The great artists are always the ones who lose it. The world is just too intense.”
I killed the engine, but Tina made no move to get out of the car and go in.
“Have you been here often?” I asked.
“A few times,” she said. “I got supplies for him in the hospital before his condition stopped him from working. And then…after…just once, to get the will and paperwork.”
Albert was lucky to have Tina. I wondered who would be handling all this if she wasn’t around. Lawyers, I guessed. People who didn’t care.
She reached for the door handle and tugged on it. “Let’s go. No use stalling.”
I followed her up to the enormous double doors. She fumbled with a key chain.
Inside was an entryway done all in black and white. The floor was a traditional checkerboard. The walls were striped. Two giant mirrors on opposite walls reflected into each other, creating an infinity of images. If you looked at them for long, you felt disoriented, like you were in a fun house and an evil clown might jump out at any moment.
“I hate this room,” Tina said. “But there are creepier ones.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to see them. I forced myself to look away from the mirror as the room narrowed and funneled us into a hall out the back. This led to a large open area with a staircase going upstairs. Everything in it was red. The floor, the walls, the doors leading in three directions. Even the metal rails circling up to a landing.
On a glossy red table in the center of the room sat a lacquered red vase with stiff, twisted sticks shooting out of it like bloodstained party decorations.
“Albert had some issues,” I said.
“You don’t even know the half of it,” Tina said. “We all knew the kinder, gentler version of him.”
I didn’t want to know anything else. I could still picture him the few times I
Her voice caught on the last word.
“You met him at just the right time for him,” I said. “You brought him so much happiness this past year.”
She pulled her cap off and rubbed her head. Her wispy blonde hair crackled with static. “It seemed so short.”
I thought of my seven days with Finn. That had been short. But then, Tina had only three hours with her baby. We could never have had enough. How often did we ever think that time was enough? Gavin had only a year with Manuelito before Rosa took him away again.
Grandparents. Parents. Children. Pets. Never enough time. This was where we should concentrate our energy. Where we should place our happiness. But life kept going. Work. Obligations. They stole our time.
I had to stop thinking about it. My life was making me crazy. I had priorities. I wanted a family to prioritize. But I had no way to make it happen right now. I was stuck. Gavin was snipped. We were barely making ends meet. No time or money for surgery. No time or money for a baby even if he hadn’t had the vasectomy.
Tina directed me through a neighborhood where each house was surrounded by fences and gates. “It’s three down,” she said. “The gray brick one.” She dragged her brown suede knapsack up from the floor and dug around.
When we approached the drive, Tina pushed a button on what looked like a garage door opener. The iron gate glided on a track to let us through.
The road led to a circle in front of a large house with gray pillars. Everything about the property was colorless. The grass was long dead, smashed down with huge patches of dirt.
“Cheerful, isn’t it?” Tina said.
“I guess it matches the personality of someone who painted demonic clowns,” I said.
She sat back, surveying the house. “He was a real mess most of his career. He never got over his wife and daughter. Losing them was the ultimate failure.”
I stopped the car in front of the door. “Nobody could handle that,” I said. “And someone sensitive like Albert didn’t stand a chance anyway.”
She nodded. “The great artists are always the ones who lose it. The world is just too intense.”
I killed the engine, but Tina made no move to get out of the car and go in.
“Have you been here often?” I asked.
“A few times,” she said. “I got supplies for him in the hospital before his condition stopped him from working. And then…after…just once, to get the will and paperwork.”
Albert was lucky to have Tina. I wondered who would be handling all this if she wasn’t around. Lawyers, I guessed. People who didn’t care.
She reached for the door handle and tugged on it. “Let’s go. No use stalling.”
I followed her up to the enormous double doors. She fumbled with a key chain.
Inside was an entryway done all in black and white. The floor was a traditional checkerboard. The walls were striped. Two giant mirrors on opposite walls reflected into each other, creating an infinity of images. If you looked at them for long, you felt disoriented, like you were in a fun house and an evil clown might jump out at any moment.
“I hate this room,” Tina said. “But there are creepier ones.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to see them. I forced myself to look away from the mirror as the room narrowed and funneled us into a hall out the back. This led to a large open area with a staircase going upstairs. Everything in it was red. The floor, the walls, the doors leading in three directions. Even the metal rails circling up to a landing.
On a glossy red table in the center of the room sat a lacquered red vase with stiff, twisted sticks shooting out of it like bloodstained party decorations.
“Albert had some issues,” I said.
“You don’t even know the half of it,” Tina said. “We all knew the kinder, gentler version of him.”
I didn’t want to know anything else. I could still picture him the few times I
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