looked around to see if anyone was around. “Basically, just stuff he’s recently learned about me that he’s not crazy about.”
“Ugh, you’re killing me with all this dancing around. Just tell me already,” I demanded, shooting him a smile so he would know I really wasn’t mad.
“You promise not to tell?” he asked quietly, all joking gone from his voice.
“Of course I promise. Besides, who am I going to tell?” I said, spreading my arms out to emphasize the social void my life had become.
“It’s probably going to change the way you feel about me,” he said miserably.
“I find that hard to believe, unless you tell me you’re some mass murderer or the person responsible for putting Jersey Shore on TV,” I said, trying to ease his apparent apprehension.
He didn’t return my smile and seemed to pale further as he weighed his words.
“Seriously, Colton, there’s nothing you can tell me that will change the way I feel about you,” I said, reaching over to grasp his hand.
He looked down at our hands. “I’m gay,” he said, finally meeting my eyes.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“I’m gay,” he repeated a little more firmly. “I tried to hide it, deny it all these years, but it’s something I can’t seem to change.”
“How did I not know this?” I said, trying to fit the puzzle pieces together in my head.
“I think you did if you think back.”
I worked through his words as all the pieces finally came together. Of course he was right. I had known things were romantically off between us for years. There was absolutely no reason why we shouldn’t have worked as a couple. We both shared the same interests and likes, and enjoyed each other’s company, but each time we tried to move our relationship to the next level, it always fizzled out. We were good as friends, but could never cross the threshold into making out status.
“Dang, I guess I did,” I finally said.
“Are you mad?” he asked, looking worried.
“Mad? Heck no. You’re right. Something was always kooky about our kisses. I just assumed you didn’t like my cherry lip gloss,” I teased.
“Ha, that was the highlight of the kisses,” he said, sounding more lighthearted now that he had confessed.
“As if,” I said, punching him lightly on the bicep.
“You’re seriously okay with it?” he asked.
I nodded my head. “It’s actually a relief. Now we can be friends without worrying about you trying to grope me.”
“Like that was ever really an issue,” he teased.
“Well, in hindsight, no, but before, I was always worried that you'd want to take it to the next level. So, how did your dad find out?”
“I told him when he started riding me about football scholarships. He couldn’t understand why I wasn’t applying for any of them.”
“You can still play football,” I said.
“Nah, I don’t want to. I never wanted a career in football. I want to do something I like.”
“And what is that?” I asked curiously, feeling like I was finally getting to know him.
“I want to teach.”
“Wow, seriously? Like what grade?”
“I’m thinking college level. I’d love to be an English lit professor at some college.”
“That would be great,” I said, slightly envious that he had it all mapped out. I was still indecisive about my future. I had a stack of college applications sitting on my desk waiting to be sent out, but I was dragging my feet on them.
“How about you?” Colton asked, helping me to my feet as the bell rang.
“Don’t ask. I’m still undecided,” I said, knotting my hoodie around my waist.
“Guess a cheerleading scholarship is out?” he joked.
I returned his smile. It was surreal to think that six months ago, both our lives were set on one path, and now everything had changed. It's crazy how life works. I couldn’t help feeling a spasm of grief that my dad wasn’t here to help me find the new path I should take.
Colton and I parted ways outside his Algebra II class
“Ugh, you’re killing me with all this dancing around. Just tell me already,” I demanded, shooting him a smile so he would know I really wasn’t mad.
“You promise not to tell?” he asked quietly, all joking gone from his voice.
“Of course I promise. Besides, who am I going to tell?” I said, spreading my arms out to emphasize the social void my life had become.
“It’s probably going to change the way you feel about me,” he said miserably.
“I find that hard to believe, unless you tell me you’re some mass murderer or the person responsible for putting Jersey Shore on TV,” I said, trying to ease his apparent apprehension.
He didn’t return my smile and seemed to pale further as he weighed his words.
“Seriously, Colton, there’s nothing you can tell me that will change the way I feel about you,” I said, reaching over to grasp his hand.
He looked down at our hands. “I’m gay,” he said, finally meeting my eyes.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“I’m gay,” he repeated a little more firmly. “I tried to hide it, deny it all these years, but it’s something I can’t seem to change.”
“How did I not know this?” I said, trying to fit the puzzle pieces together in my head.
“I think you did if you think back.”
I worked through his words as all the pieces finally came together. Of course he was right. I had known things were romantically off between us for years. There was absolutely no reason why we shouldn’t have worked as a couple. We both shared the same interests and likes, and enjoyed each other’s company, but each time we tried to move our relationship to the next level, it always fizzled out. We were good as friends, but could never cross the threshold into making out status.
“Dang, I guess I did,” I finally said.
“Are you mad?” he asked, looking worried.
“Mad? Heck no. You’re right. Something was always kooky about our kisses. I just assumed you didn’t like my cherry lip gloss,” I teased.
“Ha, that was the highlight of the kisses,” he said, sounding more lighthearted now that he had confessed.
“As if,” I said, punching him lightly on the bicep.
“You’re seriously okay with it?” he asked.
I nodded my head. “It’s actually a relief. Now we can be friends without worrying about you trying to grope me.”
“Like that was ever really an issue,” he teased.
“Well, in hindsight, no, but before, I was always worried that you'd want to take it to the next level. So, how did your dad find out?”
“I told him when he started riding me about football scholarships. He couldn’t understand why I wasn’t applying for any of them.”
“You can still play football,” I said.
“Nah, I don’t want to. I never wanted a career in football. I want to do something I like.”
“And what is that?” I asked curiously, feeling like I was finally getting to know him.
“I want to teach.”
“Wow, seriously? Like what grade?”
“I’m thinking college level. I’d love to be an English lit professor at some college.”
“That would be great,” I said, slightly envious that he had it all mapped out. I was still indecisive about my future. I had a stack of college applications sitting on my desk waiting to be sent out, but I was dragging my feet on them.
“How about you?” Colton asked, helping me to my feet as the bell rang.
“Don’t ask. I’m still undecided,” I said, knotting my hoodie around my waist.
“Guess a cheerleading scholarship is out?” he joked.
I returned his smile. It was surreal to think that six months ago, both our lives were set on one path, and now everything had changed. It's crazy how life works. I couldn’t help feeling a spasm of grief that my dad wasn’t here to help me find the new path I should take.
Colton and I parted ways outside his Algebra II class
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