jets.
But did the dude listen to her? No way. He was completely ignoring her, messing around with a bunch of switches on his control board.
That’s when we noticed the mucus. It was soaking through his human suit. Because that’s what he was wearing: A human suit to cover up the fact that he was actually a six-foot slug.
We found that out when Kyle stepped up and pulled off the dude’s mask. Underneath, he was … well, I’m all fordiversity, but where those blue eyes had been were tentacles. Instead of a mouth, he just had a gash … a gash filled with razor-sharp teeth.
Once the mask came off, things got ugly. Pun intended. The dude picked up what looked a lot like a gun and pointed it at all of us.
“I only bothered disguising myself to look as disgusting as you to make you trust me,” he hissed. “There’s no need for that now.” He pressed a button, and this blue laser appeared at the tip of the gun he was holding. “I warned you never to reveal my presence to anyone, and you didn’t listen. So I will take the implants now. There must be no evidence I was ever here.”
“Uh,” Kaleigh said. I have to hand it to her. She looked scared, but she stood her ground. “It’s a little late for that. There was a news crew out there, not to mention two dozen people with cell phones. Video of what’s happened here is probably all over the Internet by now.”
“
Outside
this ship,” the alien said. And I swear, he smiled with that slug mouth as he turned the gun toward us. “But no one will ever know what’s happened
inside
. Because no trace of any of you will ever be seen again.”
So, let’s say some alien civilization from way out there in the Andromeda Nebula discovered our planet. What do you think they’d do? Share with us all their advanced technology, so that we too could roam the universe in search of new worlds, like James T. Kirk and the rest of the crew of the starship
Enterprise
?
No freaking way.
First, they’d send out scouts to gather as much intel about us as they possibly could … their own Christopher Columbuses. Especially intel about our military and defense systems.
Only they couldn’t just go strolling into government offices and military bases, could they? Not when the mucus of their
real
skin soaks right through their human costumes in about five minutes. Sure, it might fool a kindergartner hopped up on birthday cake. But no one else.
So they’d need another way to gather all the information required for the mass invasion they’ve been planning. Because ultimately their goal would be to colonize us, after first enslaving us, then kill us off when they didn’t need us anymore.
That’s exactly how we’ve always done it when we’ve discovered new worlds. Why should they do anything differently?
This guy’s solution was to find little kids—especially ones whose parents work for the government, the military, or even local hospitals in some capacity—to stick these little data recorders in, and gather as much info from them as he could.
Up until now, no one’s ever been the wiser, because everyone’s just thought they were these little blue moles. Any kid who’s ever said, “An alien put it in me,” has gotten laughed at.
But what that slimeball failed to count on was Kaleigh blogging about what had happened, in a post that would get forwarded so many times by her brother’s crazy girlfriend, a quarter of a million people would read it in one night, including you guys, causing our little alien friend’s mission to be completely compromised.
So he panicked. He knew he was going to have to get rid of the evidence so there’d be no way anyone could verify what she’d written, and his people would have the benefit of a sneak attack when they did get here.
But he was a little late. And his landing was a little off.
So you tell me. What exactly would you have done? I get that he was an alien life form, unique to our galaxy, and all of that.
But would
But did the dude listen to her? No way. He was completely ignoring her, messing around with a bunch of switches on his control board.
That’s when we noticed the mucus. It was soaking through his human suit. Because that’s what he was wearing: A human suit to cover up the fact that he was actually a six-foot slug.
We found that out when Kyle stepped up and pulled off the dude’s mask. Underneath, he was … well, I’m all fordiversity, but where those blue eyes had been were tentacles. Instead of a mouth, he just had a gash … a gash filled with razor-sharp teeth.
Once the mask came off, things got ugly. Pun intended. The dude picked up what looked a lot like a gun and pointed it at all of us.
“I only bothered disguising myself to look as disgusting as you to make you trust me,” he hissed. “There’s no need for that now.” He pressed a button, and this blue laser appeared at the tip of the gun he was holding. “I warned you never to reveal my presence to anyone, and you didn’t listen. So I will take the implants now. There must be no evidence I was ever here.”
“Uh,” Kaleigh said. I have to hand it to her. She looked scared, but she stood her ground. “It’s a little late for that. There was a news crew out there, not to mention two dozen people with cell phones. Video of what’s happened here is probably all over the Internet by now.”
“
Outside
this ship,” the alien said. And I swear, he smiled with that slug mouth as he turned the gun toward us. “But no one will ever know what’s happened
inside
. Because no trace of any of you will ever be seen again.”
So, let’s say some alien civilization from way out there in the Andromeda Nebula discovered our planet. What do you think they’d do? Share with us all their advanced technology, so that we too could roam the universe in search of new worlds, like James T. Kirk and the rest of the crew of the starship
Enterprise
?
No freaking way.
First, they’d send out scouts to gather as much intel about us as they possibly could … their own Christopher Columbuses. Especially intel about our military and defense systems.
Only they couldn’t just go strolling into government offices and military bases, could they? Not when the mucus of their
real
skin soaks right through their human costumes in about five minutes. Sure, it might fool a kindergartner hopped up on birthday cake. But no one else.
So they’d need another way to gather all the information required for the mass invasion they’ve been planning. Because ultimately their goal would be to colonize us, after first enslaving us, then kill us off when they didn’t need us anymore.
That’s exactly how we’ve always done it when we’ve discovered new worlds. Why should they do anything differently?
This guy’s solution was to find little kids—especially ones whose parents work for the government, the military, or even local hospitals in some capacity—to stick these little data recorders in, and gather as much info from them as he could.
Up until now, no one’s ever been the wiser, because everyone’s just thought they were these little blue moles. Any kid who’s ever said, “An alien put it in me,” has gotten laughed at.
But what that slimeball failed to count on was Kaleigh blogging about what had happened, in a post that would get forwarded so many times by her brother’s crazy girlfriend, a quarter of a million people would read it in one night, including you guys, causing our little alien friend’s mission to be completely compromised.
So he panicked. He knew he was going to have to get rid of the evidence so there’d be no way anyone could verify what she’d written, and his people would have the benefit of a sneak attack when they did get here.
But he was a little late. And his landing was a little off.
So you tell me. What exactly would you have done? I get that he was an alien life form, unique to our galaxy, and all of that.
But would
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