Forbidden Pleasures (NSC Industries Book 11) by D. H. Sidebottom Page A

dish out pain for sexual pleasure but
this, this was so very different.
    I stared at him in both fury and pity. I wanted to hurt
Belinda for doing this to him. I wanted to hurt Jay for taking what he thought
he needed.
    “Beatrice?” he prompted when I stood silent. I looked at
him sadly and shook my head.
    “I can’t ever do that, Jay. Don’t ever ask me to.”
    He nodded softly then looked away. “But this is me, Bea.
This – is – me!”
    Gritting my teeth, I locked down my emotions and pulled
my shoulders back, quickly trying to protect my heart before it shattered
inside me. “Then neither of us can be what the other needs.”
    The desolation in his bright blue eyes displayed every
single bit of the wreckage inside him, I could practically see his soul
breaking into pieces and crumbling into dust. He gazed at me, engraining me
into his soul before he gave me a simple nod. “Then I will say goodbye.”
    The pain that tore through me made every single cell in
my body scream in agony. The blood in my veins froze en-route to my heart and
filled the organ with an ice that burnt so deeply I knew I would never again
feel it beat inside me.
    Saying no more, I took one last look at the man I had
fallen in love with then left, leaving him weeping on the floor of his
self-created hell.

Chapter 18
     

Jay
     
    It had been three weeks since Bea had left me alone and
foolishly weeping in the depths of my hell. Although I understood why she
couldn’t give me what I needed nor could she stomach what I was, I would be
lying if I didn’t admit I was hurt and disappointed.
    I had seen the horror on her face when I’d found her in
my basement, her fingers hesitantly trailing across the numerous tools I used.
Her mind had been telling her lies, I had seen it, images of women hung and
hurt from the chain terrorising her. I wasn’t sure now though if I should have
left her to continue with her own story she had made up. The disgust and pity
on her face after I bared who I really was would never leave my heart, the
torment of her tears something that will haunt me for a long time.
    “Jay,” Miles my best friend sighed again. “Go see her,
talk to her.”
    “I can’t.” Miles was the only one, aside from Belinda,
who knew everything within me. At first, his disgust had mirrored Bea’s but
he’d come to accept that side of me, and at the moment he was my only sounding
board. Belinda wouldn’t understand, nor would she accept Beatrice. I knew
Belinda was in love with me, she’d told me and if she ever knew I was in love
with someone else, the hurt I would cause her would be too much. Not only was
Belinda my punisher, she was also my friend. A valued friend who I cared about
a lot. “I haven’t seen her at work, Fran her assistant said she was holidaying
in Italy, although she did say she should have been back last week. Whether
that’s a lie is neither here nor there. She is obviously avoiding me and until
she can admit to herself what the truth is, there’s no point.”
    Miles regarded me for a moment then sighed heavily. “But
you’re in love with her. Surely that is reason enough to fight for her.”
    I scoffed. “But she doesn’t love me, Miles. I told her, I
told her I had fallen in love with her but she never reciprocated the sentiment.
I’m not enough and my shit life is too fucked up. There’s no fucking point!”
    He shook his head. “How can you just give up?”
    “Give up?” I shouted, my anger getting the better of me.
“I never had it to give up in the first place. She doesn’t want me Miles,
accept it. I have.”
    I growled when someone knocked on the door. I wasn’t in
the mood for company, I had been wishing for Miles to fuck off and leave me
alone for days but the bastard refused to go.
    I frowned when I opened the door and Jack faced me. He
was pale, his eyes as red as the river of blood that had seeped down my back
the previous night. “Jack”? Once again I was aware that something was