that when their men
do
tell them they’re beautiful, the consequences are…beautiful! Almost 90 percent said it made them feel good or made their day. And that percentage was still huge (77 percent) even among the mostly older women
who said they didn’t “need” to hear it
! Only a tiny number (three percent) said it made no difference.
How beneficial is it to you when your husband/significant other tells you that he finds you beautiful? [Choose One Answer]
One Guy, One Mirror, One Hammer
You might be thinking what Shaunti has already heard from a few skeptical women: Why is this chapter focusing so much on a woman’s “looks”? Shouldn’t we as a society be getting past that? Well, here’s the thing: This
isn’t
really about a woman’s looks. It
is
about what a woman feels about herself, and the fact that her man has a great ability to build her up in that area or to tear her down.
“Wait a minute!” I can hear you saying. “But she
knows
I think she’s beautiful.” Well…does she? Have you told her recently? More recently than that time last year when you two got all dressed up for that wedding?
You
did
tell her she looked beautiful then, didn’t you? Sure you did.
Okay, you
probably
did.
I, too, think my wife is beautiful, but until Shaunti and I talked about this chapter, I realized that I rarely tell her so. It just wasn’t something I thought she needed to hear, or that I needed to do.
Then we talked. Oh boy. All has
not
been well in the land of the free and the home of the Braves.
What I’ve since learned, and what kept surprising me on our surveys, is that even if a woman knows in her head that her husband finds her beautiful,
she still needs to hear it
. And often. Every day is good.
She still needs to hear it:
• no matter how successful, self-assured or mature she is,
• no matter how long you’ve been together,
• no matter how gorgeous other people might tell her she is,
• no matter how moved to tears of gratitude you were last time you said it,
• no matter how old or young she is…
“Even if a woman knows in her head that her husband finds her beautiful,
she still needs to hear it
.”
As it turns out, your wife’s continuing desire to be beautiful
for you
is a deeply rooted need that explains a lot of other behaviors that have baffled men for centuries.
For example, have you ever wondered:
• Why, after trying on outfit after outfit, she gets frustrated and declares that she “has nothing to wear”?
• Why she wants to buy new clothes even if she knows you all are on a tight budget, or even if few of her clothes could possibly be considered old?
• Why she’s always asking you how she looks—when there’s a mirror in the bedroom and the bathroom?
• Why she asks, “Do these pants make me look fat?” when what she really means is, “Tell me I’m not fat”?
• Why it’s such a big deal if your eyes linger on another beautiful woman?
Listen, after an inexcusably long learning curve, I’ve come to realize a few crucial facts about beauty and my wife. These facts are fundamental in every marriage, and have the power to radically change your relationship and mine for the better, beginning with the next words you speak to her.
Fact #1. Inside my dear wife, that little dancing girl is still very much alive. Only now she twirls for me.
Fact #2. In our marriage, whether I find her beautiful may or may not be foremost in my mind, but it is an everyday (even if subconscious) issue for her.
Fact #3. In our house, there’s really only one mirror. And that mirror is me.
Fact #4. Every day, I can reflect back to her the words she so needs to hear. But if I don’t, I leave her vulnerable to both her inner questions and external pressure from an intimidating world.
Fact #5. In my hand, I hold a hammer.
I hope you’re beginning to see why a clued-in husband or boyfriend can create so much good, and a clueless one can cause so much
do
tell them they’re beautiful, the consequences are…beautiful! Almost 90 percent said it made them feel good or made their day. And that percentage was still huge (77 percent) even among the mostly older women
who said they didn’t “need” to hear it
! Only a tiny number (three percent) said it made no difference.
How beneficial is it to you when your husband/significant other tells you that he finds you beautiful? [Choose One Answer]
One Guy, One Mirror, One Hammer
You might be thinking what Shaunti has already heard from a few skeptical women: Why is this chapter focusing so much on a woman’s “looks”? Shouldn’t we as a society be getting past that? Well, here’s the thing: This
isn’t
really about a woman’s looks. It
is
about what a woman feels about herself, and the fact that her man has a great ability to build her up in that area or to tear her down.
“Wait a minute!” I can hear you saying. “But she
knows
I think she’s beautiful.” Well…does she? Have you told her recently? More recently than that time last year when you two got all dressed up for that wedding?
You
did
tell her she looked beautiful then, didn’t you? Sure you did.
Okay, you
probably
did.
I, too, think my wife is beautiful, but until Shaunti and I talked about this chapter, I realized that I rarely tell her so. It just wasn’t something I thought she needed to hear, or that I needed to do.
Then we talked. Oh boy. All has
not
been well in the land of the free and the home of the Braves.
What I’ve since learned, and what kept surprising me on our surveys, is that even if a woman knows in her head that her husband finds her beautiful,
she still needs to hear it
. And often. Every day is good.
She still needs to hear it:
• no matter how successful, self-assured or mature she is,
• no matter how long you’ve been together,
• no matter how gorgeous other people might tell her she is,
• no matter how moved to tears of gratitude you were last time you said it,
• no matter how old or young she is…
“Even if a woman knows in her head that her husband finds her beautiful,
she still needs to hear it
.”
As it turns out, your wife’s continuing desire to be beautiful
for you
is a deeply rooted need that explains a lot of other behaviors that have baffled men for centuries.
For example, have you ever wondered:
• Why, after trying on outfit after outfit, she gets frustrated and declares that she “has nothing to wear”?
• Why she wants to buy new clothes even if she knows you all are on a tight budget, or even if few of her clothes could possibly be considered old?
• Why she’s always asking you how she looks—when there’s a mirror in the bedroom and the bathroom?
• Why she asks, “Do these pants make me look fat?” when what she really means is, “Tell me I’m not fat”?
• Why it’s such a big deal if your eyes linger on another beautiful woman?
Listen, after an inexcusably long learning curve, I’ve come to realize a few crucial facts about beauty and my wife. These facts are fundamental in every marriage, and have the power to radically change your relationship and mine for the better, beginning with the next words you speak to her.
Fact #1. Inside my dear wife, that little dancing girl is still very much alive. Only now she twirls for me.
Fact #2. In our marriage, whether I find her beautiful may or may not be foremost in my mind, but it is an everyday (even if subconscious) issue for her.
Fact #3. In our house, there’s really only one mirror. And that mirror is me.
Fact #4. Every day, I can reflect back to her the words she so needs to hear. But if I don’t, I leave her vulnerable to both her inner questions and external pressure from an intimidating world.
Fact #5. In my hand, I hold a hammer.
I hope you’re beginning to see why a clued-in husband or boyfriend can create so much good, and a clueless one can cause so much
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