not only enjoying the race but also crossing the finish line.
Realize also that if you two aren’t clicking in this area, it’s possible other things could be going on. I’m not an expert, and I don’t even play one on TV, but if your wife seems to love you but avoids sex (or finds it emotionally painful), make sure there aren’t deep-seated issues that need addressing. And if there are, be her advocate in getting the help she needs to address them.
And I know us guys pretend it’s never an issue, but if by chance
you’re
the one experiencing “performance” problems, be brave and seek help from your doctor or counselor. One woman wrote about this, “His unwillingness to seek medical help is breaking my heart.”
You have a lot of life ahead, and your wife wants to enjoy it with you. One wife put it well:
I appreciate feeling like we are team players not just in the bedroom, but in everything. After a long day, I want to feel supported and uplifted, just as he does. And of course, theoretically, a good roll in the hay will do that! But there are times at the end of the day when I feel as if I can’t quite get started. I want him to be sensitive to me and minister to me! He is who I am counting on for this. And I know if I can, he’ll be able to count on me, too.
Inside your smart, secure wife lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful—and that you only have eyes for her
A s I write this, our daughter is five years old and definitely at that “Daddy’s girl” stage. She can whack a pretty good line drive for her age. But she’s happiest, I think, when she’s dancing for me in the consignment-store costume dress Shaunti bought for her last year. It’s pink, and has a twirly skirt.
Pink and twirly matters a lot when you’re five. You should see her twirling around our living room. She absolutely beams with delight. Twirl left, pause. Twirl right.
“Daddy, watch!” she calls as she spins and the skirt does its thing. “Daddy, look at me! Do you think I’m pretty?”
If you’ve ever had a little girl twirling around your house, you know what I’m thinking right then.
Lord, just let me hold on to this moment! Please…don’t let my little girl grow up.
That’s what this chapter is about. Because you see, in a way, little girls never really do.
The Girl Inside
Would it surprise you to know that your gifted, hardworking, secure, grown-up wife is still (silently) asking the same question: “Do you think I’m pretty?” Only now it’s you watching. It’s you she’s asking, and you who will decide her haunting question. Not just “Am I beautiful?” But “
Am I beautiful…to him?
”
In a culture where women are bombarded with expectations to lose weight, look younger, look sexy—actually, look perfect—that question has killer consequences. But it also gives clued-in men an opportunity that we didn’t even know we had to affirm our wives in a very important way.
“Am I beautiful…to him?”
On our survey most women told us they had a “deep need or desire” to know that their husband or boyfriend found them beautiful. And younger women were even more likely to have that need. Among women age forty-five and younger, more than three out of four felt this need (77 percent); among women thirty-five and younger the percentage rose to 84 percent.
Regardless of how you think you look, do you have a deep need or desire to know that your husband/significant other finds you beautiful? Which answer most closely describes you? [Choose One Answer]
Women forty-five and younger:
All women:
Women with children at home were also much more likely to have a deep desire to hear that their husband found them beautiful—up to 85 percent of them, depending on the age of the kids. One survey taker said the thing she most wished her husband understood was that “women need to be reassured often that they are beautiful and they are loved.”
The good news is
Realize also that if you two aren’t clicking in this area, it’s possible other things could be going on. I’m not an expert, and I don’t even play one on TV, but if your wife seems to love you but avoids sex (or finds it emotionally painful), make sure there aren’t deep-seated issues that need addressing. And if there are, be her advocate in getting the help she needs to address them.
And I know us guys pretend it’s never an issue, but if by chance
you’re
the one experiencing “performance” problems, be brave and seek help from your doctor or counselor. One woman wrote about this, “His unwillingness to seek medical help is breaking my heart.”
You have a lot of life ahead, and your wife wants to enjoy it with you. One wife put it well:
I appreciate feeling like we are team players not just in the bedroom, but in everything. After a long day, I want to feel supported and uplifted, just as he does. And of course, theoretically, a good roll in the hay will do that! But there are times at the end of the day when I feel as if I can’t quite get started. I want him to be sensitive to me and minister to me! He is who I am counting on for this. And I know if I can, he’ll be able to count on me, too.
Inside your smart, secure wife lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful—and that you only have eyes for her
A s I write this, our daughter is five years old and definitely at that “Daddy’s girl” stage. She can whack a pretty good line drive for her age. But she’s happiest, I think, when she’s dancing for me in the consignment-store costume dress Shaunti bought for her last year. It’s pink, and has a twirly skirt.
Pink and twirly matters a lot when you’re five. You should see her twirling around our living room. She absolutely beams with delight. Twirl left, pause. Twirl right.
“Daddy, watch!” she calls as she spins and the skirt does its thing. “Daddy, look at me! Do you think I’m pretty?”
If you’ve ever had a little girl twirling around your house, you know what I’m thinking right then.
Lord, just let me hold on to this moment! Please…don’t let my little girl grow up.
That’s what this chapter is about. Because you see, in a way, little girls never really do.
The Girl Inside
Would it surprise you to know that your gifted, hardworking, secure, grown-up wife is still (silently) asking the same question: “Do you think I’m pretty?” Only now it’s you watching. It’s you she’s asking, and you who will decide her haunting question. Not just “Am I beautiful?” But “
Am I beautiful…to him?
”
In a culture where women are bombarded with expectations to lose weight, look younger, look sexy—actually, look perfect—that question has killer consequences. But it also gives clued-in men an opportunity that we didn’t even know we had to affirm our wives in a very important way.
“Am I beautiful…to him?”
On our survey most women told us they had a “deep need or desire” to know that their husband or boyfriend found them beautiful. And younger women were even more likely to have that need. Among women age forty-five and younger, more than three out of four felt this need (77 percent); among women thirty-five and younger the percentage rose to 84 percent.
Regardless of how you think you look, do you have a deep need or desire to know that your husband/significant other finds you beautiful? Which answer most closely describes you? [Choose One Answer]
Women forty-five and younger:
All women:
Women with children at home were also much more likely to have a deep desire to hear that their husband found them beautiful—up to 85 percent of them, depending on the age of the kids. One survey taker said the thing she most wished her husband understood was that “women need to be reassured often that they are beautiful and they are loved.”
The good news is
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