fantasy and memory. Hot, satin skin yields under my hands, quivering at my touch. The taste of her sweetens my tongue, invading my senses. The lush heat of her surrounds me as if she’s really here, pressed up next to me in this bed. In my ears is the sound of her breathless voice begging Grady, please, let me touch you . My fist becomes her practiced hand and I give her what she’s asking for.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
May 1996
Cassie
The flowers sit untouched in their cello wrapping on my lap, the satin ribbon coming untied. They’re beautiful, but I’m still furious with Grady. When he called me, I almost said no. Almost. But he said he had something important to tell me and I wanted to hear what the asshole had to say.
Two weeks ago we had a huge fight. I had just gotten my freshman welcome packet from Ohio State and was super-excited about it. But Grady was in a pissy mood. We were supposed to have a date that night, but all we did was argue. We ended up yelling at each other, and when I told him we should just break up if our relationship was so much trouble, he shocked me by agreeing.
So we broke up. And it’s been thirteen miserable days.
A tiny part of me knows why. I know this is hard for him, because it’s just as hard for me. No one I know who already went off to college attached is still with their boyfriend or girlfriend, and I can’t bear the thought of us breaking up. I try to focus on the happy parts of this - new school, new friends, getting out of our small town.
But the rest of me needs him to explain. I’m not stupid; I know how cute Grady is, and I know there are girls lined up just waiting for me to go off to college so they can get their claws in him. Maybe he’s not ready to be tied down just yet. Maybe he just can’t say that to me, and he’s waiting for us to just fade out so he doesn’t have to break up with me.
I just want to hear him say the words.
“Just let me explain,” he says, and his voice cracks.
“So talk.” I look out the car window and keep my hand limp when he takes it in his, even though it’s killing me not to look at him when he’s touching me.
“This has been the worst two weeks of my entire life.”
I say nothing. He doesn’t need to know that they’ve been the worst two weeks of mine, too. He doesn’t need to hear that I cried myself to sleep every night, that I can barely eat because even the simple pleasure of food feels like a betrayal to my heart. That my lungs won’t expand anymore and I feel like I’ve lost the ability to breathe. He lost that right two weeks ago when he said it didn’t matter if I broke up with him or not.
“I’ve missed you so much, Cass. I was so mad when you threatened to break up with me. I couldn’t even stand the thought of it. I figured maybe a break would be good for me. I thought I could forget you for just a little while. I had every plan to find some girl, any willing girl, and just—”
Something new in his voice makes me turn my head, and I see that he’s angry. He chokes back the words and then spits them out. “Just fuck her. I was going to fuck some other girl to get back at you for leaving me.”
Bile rises in my throat at his admission. I scramble for the door handle but he hits the power locks and grabs my wrist. “Please. Just listen. Just let me explain!” I struggle against him for a moment and then give up and lean against the door, my heart pounding.
“I didn’t,” he reassures me. “I went to a party and kissed someone, but it just made me sad.”
“Is that the stupid slut you went on a date with?” Oh, yeah. He doesn’t know I know about that. But nothing happens in this town without everyone knowing about it in five seconds.
His ears get red and I realize he probably wasn’t going to mention that particular detail. Asshole. “Uhh… No. That was— I went to the movies with Jana Lott.”
“Did you fuck her?”
“At the movies?” he asks incredulously, obviously
CHAPTER ELEVEN
May 1996
Cassie
The flowers sit untouched in their cello wrapping on my lap, the satin ribbon coming untied. They’re beautiful, but I’m still furious with Grady. When he called me, I almost said no. Almost. But he said he had something important to tell me and I wanted to hear what the asshole had to say.
Two weeks ago we had a huge fight. I had just gotten my freshman welcome packet from Ohio State and was super-excited about it. But Grady was in a pissy mood. We were supposed to have a date that night, but all we did was argue. We ended up yelling at each other, and when I told him we should just break up if our relationship was so much trouble, he shocked me by agreeing.
So we broke up. And it’s been thirteen miserable days.
A tiny part of me knows why. I know this is hard for him, because it’s just as hard for me. No one I know who already went off to college attached is still with their boyfriend or girlfriend, and I can’t bear the thought of us breaking up. I try to focus on the happy parts of this - new school, new friends, getting out of our small town.
But the rest of me needs him to explain. I’m not stupid; I know how cute Grady is, and I know there are girls lined up just waiting for me to go off to college so they can get their claws in him. Maybe he’s not ready to be tied down just yet. Maybe he just can’t say that to me, and he’s waiting for us to just fade out so he doesn’t have to break up with me.
I just want to hear him say the words.
“Just let me explain,” he says, and his voice cracks.
“So talk.” I look out the car window and keep my hand limp when he takes it in his, even though it’s killing me not to look at him when he’s touching me.
“This has been the worst two weeks of my entire life.”
I say nothing. He doesn’t need to know that they’ve been the worst two weeks of mine, too. He doesn’t need to hear that I cried myself to sleep every night, that I can barely eat because even the simple pleasure of food feels like a betrayal to my heart. That my lungs won’t expand anymore and I feel like I’ve lost the ability to breathe. He lost that right two weeks ago when he said it didn’t matter if I broke up with him or not.
“I’ve missed you so much, Cass. I was so mad when you threatened to break up with me. I couldn’t even stand the thought of it. I figured maybe a break would be good for me. I thought I could forget you for just a little while. I had every plan to find some girl, any willing girl, and just—”
Something new in his voice makes me turn my head, and I see that he’s angry. He chokes back the words and then spits them out. “Just fuck her. I was going to fuck some other girl to get back at you for leaving me.”
Bile rises in my throat at his admission. I scramble for the door handle but he hits the power locks and grabs my wrist. “Please. Just listen. Just let me explain!” I struggle against him for a moment and then give up and lean against the door, my heart pounding.
“I didn’t,” he reassures me. “I went to a party and kissed someone, but it just made me sad.”
“Is that the stupid slut you went on a date with?” Oh, yeah. He doesn’t know I know about that. But nothing happens in this town without everyone knowing about it in five seconds.
His ears get red and I realize he probably wasn’t going to mention that particular detail. Asshole. “Uhh… No. That was— I went to the movies with Jana Lott.”
“Did you fuck her?”
“At the movies?” he asks incredulously, obviously
Similar Books
