one to take care of it. No way was I adding one more thing to my plate. It strikes me that Ares is the family dog Grady always wanted us to have, and suddenly my eyes are prickling and my throat is tight. When the last of the towels is put away I slip into my room and climb into bed.
But I can’t sleep. Each time I close my eyes I’m tortured by the scene in my mind. The memory of his soft curls between my fingers and his skin pressed to mine is like a thousand other memories I have of Grady, all locked safely away. Touching him again feels like I’ve just opened the closet door and let them all come tumbling back out into my lap.
When I held him, Grady felt so strong and solid against me, bigger than he was when we split up. All muscle, the satisfying bulk of a two hundred pound man, no longer a hundred and seventy pound boy. His openness and vulnerability when he talked about Carl was also new. That wasn’t the Grady I knew from before, who clammed up about his feelings and got angry if you asked him. It was some new, improved Grady, and I’m not sure if I like that or if it’s too dangerous for me to handle.
His protectiveness when we were outside - I didn’t even realize I’d missed that, having someone look out for me all the time, just like I do for my kids. You can take care of yourself , the little voice inside my head whispers. You don’t need a man for anything. You’re living proof. But I ignore its admonishment. Instead I force myself back to the moment in the hallway when I touched Grady, and he looked at me like he was drowning and I was the only person on earth who could save him.
Grady
The house is silent now, but I can’t sleep. Too much running through my head, and although I should be thinking of a million other things, my mind has settled on a single thought.
Cassie .
How far would she have let me take things if the damn dog hadn’t interrupted? I was about two seconds from kissing her, and there was nothing about her in my arms tonight that told me she would’ve stopped me. She held me, and then she let me hold her. Touch her.
Which is confusing as hell.
Neither one of us had that intention when she gave me that towel. I know that. She was just being Cassie, just being warm-hearted. There’s no doubt she loved Carl as if he were her own brother. His death hit her hard, too. Besides, she’s worried about me. I see it in her eyes. It’s not pity, it’s just an awareness of my emotional state.
I wouldn’t have touched her first, and she knows that. But being folded into her arms was like having the vise around my heart loosened, just a bit, just enough that I could breathe again. It was comforting and safe and warm.
And then something changed. It was still safe and warm, but it slid right past comforting into some other territory. Dangerous territory, because I’d been there before and so had she.
From our first date, Cass and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Although she was a virgin when we met and we took our time getting to the actual deed, we thoroughly explored the boundaries of every sexual act outside of intercourse for months and got damned good at it. As a result, our first time was off-the-charts hot, at least by teenage standards.
That’s just how it always was between us - hot. Didn’t matter if we fought - hell, the more pissed off she was the better she gave it to me. I could always count on her sweetness in the bedroom, but when she lost control of her emotions she also lost control of her inhibitions and she was magnificent .
She smelled the same and felt the same in my arms. I wonder if her kisses still taste the same and if she still likes to be nibbled on the back of her neck, right above her shoulder. I wonder if she still comes quietly, with just those throaty little gasps she always tried to bite back. That takes me down a path of fantasy I shouldn’t indulge but do.
Alone in the dark I’m tormented by a Cassie who’s equal parts
But I can’t sleep. Each time I close my eyes I’m tortured by the scene in my mind. The memory of his soft curls between my fingers and his skin pressed to mine is like a thousand other memories I have of Grady, all locked safely away. Touching him again feels like I’ve just opened the closet door and let them all come tumbling back out into my lap.
When I held him, Grady felt so strong and solid against me, bigger than he was when we split up. All muscle, the satisfying bulk of a two hundred pound man, no longer a hundred and seventy pound boy. His openness and vulnerability when he talked about Carl was also new. That wasn’t the Grady I knew from before, who clammed up about his feelings and got angry if you asked him. It was some new, improved Grady, and I’m not sure if I like that or if it’s too dangerous for me to handle.
His protectiveness when we were outside - I didn’t even realize I’d missed that, having someone look out for me all the time, just like I do for my kids. You can take care of yourself , the little voice inside my head whispers. You don’t need a man for anything. You’re living proof. But I ignore its admonishment. Instead I force myself back to the moment in the hallway when I touched Grady, and he looked at me like he was drowning and I was the only person on earth who could save him.
Grady
The house is silent now, but I can’t sleep. Too much running through my head, and although I should be thinking of a million other things, my mind has settled on a single thought.
Cassie .
How far would she have let me take things if the damn dog hadn’t interrupted? I was about two seconds from kissing her, and there was nothing about her in my arms tonight that told me she would’ve stopped me. She held me, and then she let me hold her. Touch her.
Which is confusing as hell.
Neither one of us had that intention when she gave me that towel. I know that. She was just being Cassie, just being warm-hearted. There’s no doubt she loved Carl as if he were her own brother. His death hit her hard, too. Besides, she’s worried about me. I see it in her eyes. It’s not pity, it’s just an awareness of my emotional state.
I wouldn’t have touched her first, and she knows that. But being folded into her arms was like having the vise around my heart loosened, just a bit, just enough that I could breathe again. It was comforting and safe and warm.
And then something changed. It was still safe and warm, but it slid right past comforting into some other territory. Dangerous territory, because I’d been there before and so had she.
From our first date, Cass and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Although she was a virgin when we met and we took our time getting to the actual deed, we thoroughly explored the boundaries of every sexual act outside of intercourse for months and got damned good at it. As a result, our first time was off-the-charts hot, at least by teenage standards.
That’s just how it always was between us - hot. Didn’t matter if we fought - hell, the more pissed off she was the better she gave it to me. I could always count on her sweetness in the bedroom, but when she lost control of her emotions she also lost control of her inhibitions and she was magnificent .
She smelled the same and felt the same in my arms. I wonder if her kisses still taste the same and if she still likes to be nibbled on the back of her neck, right above her shoulder. I wonder if she still comes quietly, with just those throaty little gasps she always tried to bite back. That takes me down a path of fantasy I shouldn’t indulge but do.
Alone in the dark I’m tormented by a Cassie who’s equal parts
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