Five Things I Can't Live Without by Holly Shumas Page A

like to be left by someone they love. You could have both started crying and comforted each other.”

    “That’s a completely heinous thought.”

    I thought for a second. “You’re right. It is.” I took a sip of wine. It was so nice to be able to drink in the middle of the day. “So you didn’t sleep with him. Was that awkward? I mean, did you stay in the same bed?”

    “Definitely awkward. For the last half hour, I was preoccupied with how to end things gracefully. I was trying to decide what my obligation was in terms of getting him off. I mean, I’d made it clear that there wouldn’t be sex. He took his own pants off, but I never reached down there. But then, it
had
been a couple of hours and his erection was pressing into me the whole time.”

    “But he’d been such a Neanderthal when you first got into the room.”

    “Exactly! And the irony is that if he hadn’t jumped on me, if we’d hung out in the room and talked for a while, I probably would have had sex with him.”

    I nodded in complete understanding. “I wonder how many men get that.”

    “The good ones get it intuitively; the rest never do.”

    “Don’t keep me in suspense here. Did you or didn’t you?”

    “I gave him a hand job.”

    “Larissa!” I didn’t like Martin. I was hoping he’d walk away with nothing. Actually, blue balls would be preferable.

    “But listen to this. When I reached for it, that’s when I discovered that he’d brought his own lube. He grabs my hand, tells me to ‘hold my horses,’ and goes into the bathroom to get it. ‘Hold my horses!’ Can you imagine? Maybe it’s a Midwestern expression, I don’t know. When he came out of the bathroom, I almost changed my mind. I mean, that’s pretty forward, bringing your own lube into a hotel room with a woman you don’t even know.”

    “Maybe he was planning on using it on himself.”

    “In a hotel room with a woman he didn’t know?”

    “Good point.”

    “But I gritted my teeth and did it, like the good girl I am.”

    “Ah, the good girl’s dilemma: to jack them off or not to jack them off.”

    “And after all that, the next day at the wedding, he basically ignored me. He didn’t do it pointedly or anything. He smiled at me from across the room a couple of times. He just never came to talk to me. I went up to him once while he was in conversation and he introduced me, then went back to his conversation about astrophysics or something. He didn’t even shift the topic to be a bit more inclusive. And he underscored this decision by saying, ‘This must be a real laugh-a-minute for you,’ or something like that. At that point, I just walked away.”

    “And he never asked you to dance, even?” I wasn’t surprised by his breach of etiquette by this point in the story, but I was still disgusted on Larissa’s behalf. I mean, one hand job equals at least one dance.

    “Not one dance. It’s not like I was expecting him to be my date just because we fooled around in the hotel room, but it would have been gentlemanly for him to at least check in with me occasionally. You know, the occasional conversation, maybe a dance or two. But pretty much nothing. That’s while we’re inside. When I went up to him to say good-bye, he offered to walk me to my car and once we got there, he actually tried to kiss me again.”

    “And did you kiss him?” I asked, smiling at what I suspected the answer would be.

    “Yeah. I didn’t want to be rude.”

    At that, we both cracked up.

    “Okay. Enough about Martin,” she said. “Tell me about how things are going with you and Dan.”

    “Things are good.” I stuffed some bread in my mouth and looked away.

    Larissa gave me a knowing look.

    “They are! There’s nothing wrong at all. It’s been two weeks of us living together and no problems, really.”

    “So you’re happy?”

    I reflected for a few seconds. “It’s complicated, you know? I’m stressed out. Rent is due in two weeks, and