Fist of the Spider Woman by Amber Dawn Page B

be what they are. It’s what I am. Except I’m not that anymore. She took all of me, even the parts I wanted to keep. And I wish she had killed me, but I’m too much of a coward. I’m a monster, but I won’t look into a mirror. I spent my life wishing I could cut myself open, but now … I won’t let her kill me. I won’t.”
    The doorknob rattled and turned, and Kate jerked around. She could feel her face turning red. Dr. Langley came through with his nurse Cecilia. He looked up from his clipboard in surprise when he saw Kate there.
    â€œMiss Barrett, I didn’t know you were in here.” He looked between the two women. “I’m sorry, did I interrupt anything?”
    â€œI was just keeping her company,” Kate said. Her voice was thin and breathy, but she could not seem to open her throat enough. “Until someone came.”
    â€œI hope you weren’t bothering her.” The doctor looked over his glasses at her, ready to be disapproving.
    â€œShe wasn’t,” Marlene said. “I wanted someone with me.
    Someone who would listen.” Marlene pulled her hand away from Kate’s wrist and looked down into her lap.
    â€œThat’s what I’m here for,” Dr. Langley said with false joviality. “Miss Barrett needs to get back to her work. May I have Miss Davidson’s file, please?”
    Kate handed Dr. Langley the file. She noticed that there was blood on her wrist from Marlene’s earnestness. Dr. Langley’s face drew tight in disgust, and Kate hid her hand behind her back. She would wash it thoroughly when she left, but she would be unable to wash the blush of swelling that would eventually bruise.
    â€œPlease,” Marlene whispered to Kate. “Believe me. Help me.”
    â€œI—”
    â€œMiss Barrett.” Dr. Langley ushered her out of the room and closed the door emphatically behind her.
    Kate stared at the apartment door. It was still mostly light out, and the quiet was broken only by the occasional rush and crunch of a passing car. She peered through the blinds but couldn’t see much, mostly the reflection of her own eyes. She recoiled, fearful of what Marlene had said about seeing Mary in every reflection.
    Her fingers fumbled with her keys, sliding the jagged edge into the lock and turning. The door opened. Gracie came up to her immediately, demanding to be fed, rubbing against Kate’s ankles and meowing as though Kate had never fed her in her life. All the tension seemed to flow out. Nothing happened. Gracie was fine. Marlene was wrong, sick, traumatized. Kate was just exhausted. What had happened was some kind of hallucination because of what had happened with Daniel. As she poured dry food into Gracie’s bowl, Kate looked at the Blackberry still sitting on the coffee table.
    She wants women. But she wants women who will want her back .
    Kate approached the coffee table and picked up the Blackberry. She had first met Daniel in a bar after she got off work, which would have been the last place that Kate would have thought she’d be picked up. But Daniel was a businessman there for the same reason she was, just to unwind, not to get any action. He was sitting next to her during a karaoke contest. He did not even know her when he elbowed her in her ribs, and with that winning smile, told her to take a chance. Kate would never do it, and although Daniel kept goading her, it turned into a talk about how bad some of the contestants were, then about their preferences in music. When Daniel asked whether she wanted to meet him the next evening for dinner, Kate was surprised enough to say yes.
    Going out with him was one of the most exhilarating things she had ever done. He made her feel like more than what she saw in the mirror. Until he left. He made her doubt her disgust. Until he recoiled. Then she could see what she had always seen before, know finally that it was utterly untouchable, that