was the end of an era for me.
“It’s not a very happy story to tell. I don’t think the marriage would have lasted anyway. You can’t make yourself be something you’re not. Mark kept us together, and when he was gone, Derek went back to the life he’d led before, and I didn’t know about. People had said things to me once in a while, but I never believed them. As it turned out, it was all true and they were right. Having Mark made it all worthwhile, even for a short time. I wouldn’t trade those years for anything. They were the best years of my life. Life is strange sometimes,” she said with a sigh, “it gives you challenges and gifts you don’t expect. Mark was a gift. A gift of pure joy. I’ll never regret a minute of his life, or even marrying Derek to have him. My life is just very different now.” She was very matter-of-fact as she said it. She accepted everything about her past, with all its regrets and sorrows. And in spite of that, she had gone on to make a decent life for herself, and those around her. And if she indulged herself with men like Zack from time to time, she did no one any harm, and they kept the demons of her past from haunting her too acutely.
Jean-Charles realized that she was a truly remarkable woman, and he had underestimated her at first. There was so much more to her than met the eye. She had the strength of a hundred people, and the heart of a thousand. And as they looked at each other in her hospital room, Timmie realized for the first time that she was holding his hand again. It was not a story one could tell without support, or to anyone but a friend, and now he was, in her mind as well as his. He had come into her life for a brief moment, to make a sudden episode of discomfort easier for her, but now when she left, she would take a piece of him with her, as one always did when one shared a part of oneself with someone else. She had opened her most secret places to him and shown her heart to him, as battered and bruised as it was. She often said that her heart was like an ancient Chinese crackle jar, full of cracks, but old and strong. He sensed that about her now, after hearing all that had happened to her. He had never respected anyone as much as he did her now. She was the most extraordinary woman he had ever met, and he respected her for all her courage, and lack of bitterness about the past. She seemed to view all of it as a gift no matter how great the losses or scars. There was something very beautiful about her and very proud. Even her scars touched him deeply now. There was nothing ugly or bitter about her.
“It’s a shame you never married again and had more children,” he said sadly. He was deeply moved for her, and aware of her many losses. In fact, she had lost everyone she had ever loved or cared about. Parents, son, husband. And survived it, even if scarred. She had only been thirty-six when her son died, and a year older when she got divorced. She had still had time then to start a new life, and had obviously chosen not to, for all the reasons she had shared with him for the past two hours. Jean-Charles wondered if she felt loving anyone again was just too risky. And perhaps for her it was. The time had flown, and hung in space now as they continued to hold hands. He felt close to her, closer than he ever thought he would, and yet he had no designs on her. He had no romantic feelings toward her. All he felt was a powerful bond from one human being to another, which was precisely what she felt for him.
“I don’t want more children or a husband,” she said calmly. “I never did after Mark died, and Derek left. He wanted another relationship, I didn’t. I just wanted to be alone to lick my wounds. And I did for a long time. The business kept me alive. The rest was just too hard.”
“And now?” Jean-Charles asked with curiosity. She had told him so much that he wasn’t afraid to ask her more about her life. “There’s no one in your life?”
She
“It’s not a very happy story to tell. I don’t think the marriage would have lasted anyway. You can’t make yourself be something you’re not. Mark kept us together, and when he was gone, Derek went back to the life he’d led before, and I didn’t know about. People had said things to me once in a while, but I never believed them. As it turned out, it was all true and they were right. Having Mark made it all worthwhile, even for a short time. I wouldn’t trade those years for anything. They were the best years of my life. Life is strange sometimes,” she said with a sigh, “it gives you challenges and gifts you don’t expect. Mark was a gift. A gift of pure joy. I’ll never regret a minute of his life, or even marrying Derek to have him. My life is just very different now.” She was very matter-of-fact as she said it. She accepted everything about her past, with all its regrets and sorrows. And in spite of that, she had gone on to make a decent life for herself, and those around her. And if she indulged herself with men like Zack from time to time, she did no one any harm, and they kept the demons of her past from haunting her too acutely.
Jean-Charles realized that she was a truly remarkable woman, and he had underestimated her at first. There was so much more to her than met the eye. She had the strength of a hundred people, and the heart of a thousand. And as they looked at each other in her hospital room, Timmie realized for the first time that she was holding his hand again. It was not a story one could tell without support, or to anyone but a friend, and now he was, in her mind as well as his. He had come into her life for a brief moment, to make a sudden episode of discomfort easier for her, but now when she left, she would take a piece of him with her, as one always did when one shared a part of oneself with someone else. She had opened her most secret places to him and shown her heart to him, as battered and bruised as it was. She often said that her heart was like an ancient Chinese crackle jar, full of cracks, but old and strong. He sensed that about her now, after hearing all that had happened to her. He had never respected anyone as much as he did her now. She was the most extraordinary woman he had ever met, and he respected her for all her courage, and lack of bitterness about the past. She seemed to view all of it as a gift no matter how great the losses or scars. There was something very beautiful about her and very proud. Even her scars touched him deeply now. There was nothing ugly or bitter about her.
“It’s a shame you never married again and had more children,” he said sadly. He was deeply moved for her, and aware of her many losses. In fact, she had lost everyone she had ever loved or cared about. Parents, son, husband. And survived it, even if scarred. She had only been thirty-six when her son died, and a year older when she got divorced. She had still had time then to start a new life, and had obviously chosen not to, for all the reasons she had shared with him for the past two hours. Jean-Charles wondered if she felt loving anyone again was just too risky. And perhaps for her it was. The time had flown, and hung in space now as they continued to hold hands. He felt close to her, closer than he ever thought he would, and yet he had no designs on her. He had no romantic feelings toward her. All he felt was a powerful bond from one human being to another, which was precisely what she felt for him.
“I don’t want more children or a husband,” she said calmly. “I never did after Mark died, and Derek left. He wanted another relationship, I didn’t. I just wanted to be alone to lick my wounds. And I did for a long time. The business kept me alive. The rest was just too hard.”
“And now?” Jean-Charles asked with curiosity. She had told him so much that he wasn’t afraid to ask her more about her life. “There’s no one in your life?”
She
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