life,” she said. But she spoke the words very softly, not sure she believed them. She told herself that it wasn’t just a boring, vain existence she was casting aside but the person she feared she would become if she stayed home, the woman Nathaniel had called shallow and spoiled and unbearably self-absorbed.
“In many ways you’ve been sheltered from the world,” her father continued. “And now, for some strange reason, you’ve analyzed the way you live, the life your mother and I have worked hard to give you, and you’ve seen only its faults. What I fear is that you will finally come to appreciate what you’ve been given only after you’ve seen the ugliness in the world—and by then it might be too late. You might have lost your chances for a decent husband and a respectable life.”
Julia couldn’t reply. Deep inside she feared the same thing, feared that she was about to make an irreparable mistake. Should she take the risk?
“Surely there is one young man in all of Philadelphia,” he said, “who might appeal to you if you gave him a chance?”
She was surprised to find herself thinking of Nathaniel. Even though she knew his low opinion of her, she still dreamed that he would see her in a different light once she became a nurse, that he’d discover she had changed and would fall in love with her at last.
“I’m not ready to settle down,” she told her father. “If you force me to marry, I’ll be miserable.”
“Then why not take a trip abroad—visit London, perhaps, or France?”
“I don’t like the ocean. Please, Daddy, let me try my hand at being a nurse for a few months. If you let me go to Washington, I promise I’ll take courting seriously when I come home.”
He leaned toward her, his eyes soft, as if he’d suddenly stripped off his judge’s robes and allowed himself to be her father. “Do I have your word on that, Julia? You will truly settle down if I let you try this?”
She felt a shiver of excitement. He was really going to let her go. “Yes, I promise.”
“You do realize that you cannot go without a chaperone.” He leaned back in his chair, the analytical judge once again. The tender moment had passed. “And it may be as late as next summer before your mother is free to accompany you.”
Julia saw this excuse for what it was—a delaying tactic. Her father hoped she would change her mind before next summer. She knew that she wouldn’t. In fact, the delay would only make her more restlessly unhappy than she already was.
“Maybe Aunt Eunice could take me,” she said, thinking quickly.
Her father’s spinster sister adored Julia. She could sweet talk Aunt Eunice into anything.
“You may ask her,” he said reluctantly, “but she has social obligations, too. If she agrees to accompany you, I’ll agree to let you go. If not…”
“Thank you, Daddy! Thank you!” She ran around his desk and surprised him with a hug, then hurried from the room before he changed his mind.
Chapter Six
Washington City
December 1861
Phoebe bent to crawl out of the Sibley tent at morning reveille and came upon a small surprise: three inches of fresh snow had blanketed the frozen ground during the night. A gray, icy haze hung over the camp, and the mess sergeant was chipping through a layer of ice in the frozen water barrel with an ax. Phoebe fastened all the buttons on her new winter overcoat and hunched her shoulders against the cold.
All around her, the other soldiers huddled together in their long overcoats as they tried to shake off their slumber. Some smoked cigarettes, while others cupped their hands and blew on their fingers to warm them. A few stood near the cook’s fire, waiting to fill their mugs with hot coffee. The snow crunched beneath their boots, and their breath fogged the air as they waited for morning roll call and breakfast.
The camp was starting to feel like home to Phoebe and to look like it, too. She and the other soldiers had fashioned tables and
“In many ways you’ve been sheltered from the world,” her father continued. “And now, for some strange reason, you’ve analyzed the way you live, the life your mother and I have worked hard to give you, and you’ve seen only its faults. What I fear is that you will finally come to appreciate what you’ve been given only after you’ve seen the ugliness in the world—and by then it might be too late. You might have lost your chances for a decent husband and a respectable life.”
Julia couldn’t reply. Deep inside she feared the same thing, feared that she was about to make an irreparable mistake. Should she take the risk?
“Surely there is one young man in all of Philadelphia,” he said, “who might appeal to you if you gave him a chance?”
She was surprised to find herself thinking of Nathaniel. Even though she knew his low opinion of her, she still dreamed that he would see her in a different light once she became a nurse, that he’d discover she had changed and would fall in love with her at last.
“I’m not ready to settle down,” she told her father. “If you force me to marry, I’ll be miserable.”
“Then why not take a trip abroad—visit London, perhaps, or France?”
“I don’t like the ocean. Please, Daddy, let me try my hand at being a nurse for a few months. If you let me go to Washington, I promise I’ll take courting seriously when I come home.”
He leaned toward her, his eyes soft, as if he’d suddenly stripped off his judge’s robes and allowed himself to be her father. “Do I have your word on that, Julia? You will truly settle down if I let you try this?”
She felt a shiver of excitement. He was really going to let her go. “Yes, I promise.”
“You do realize that you cannot go without a chaperone.” He leaned back in his chair, the analytical judge once again. The tender moment had passed. “And it may be as late as next summer before your mother is free to accompany you.”
Julia saw this excuse for what it was—a delaying tactic. Her father hoped she would change her mind before next summer. She knew that she wouldn’t. In fact, the delay would only make her more restlessly unhappy than she already was.
“Maybe Aunt Eunice could take me,” she said, thinking quickly.
Her father’s spinster sister adored Julia. She could sweet talk Aunt Eunice into anything.
“You may ask her,” he said reluctantly, “but she has social obligations, too. If she agrees to accompany you, I’ll agree to let you go. If not…”
“Thank you, Daddy! Thank you!” She ran around his desk and surprised him with a hug, then hurried from the room before he changed his mind.
Chapter Six
Washington City
December 1861
Phoebe bent to crawl out of the Sibley tent at morning reveille and came upon a small surprise: three inches of fresh snow had blanketed the frozen ground during the night. A gray, icy haze hung over the camp, and the mess sergeant was chipping through a layer of ice in the frozen water barrel with an ax. Phoebe fastened all the buttons on her new winter overcoat and hunched her shoulders against the cold.
All around her, the other soldiers huddled together in their long overcoats as they tried to shake off their slumber. Some smoked cigarettes, while others cupped their hands and blew on their fingers to warm them. A few stood near the cook’s fire, waiting to fill their mugs with hot coffee. The snow crunched beneath their boots, and their breath fogged the air as they waited for morning roll call and breakfast.
The camp was starting to feel like home to Phoebe and to look like it, too. She and the other soldiers had fashioned tables and
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