No. It can't be." They kept
holding the pictures in front of her. She blinked and looked again,
then nodded. A barely audible, "Yes."
She dug deep into herself. "I want to see
him. I have to see him. Please."
She felt the arm across her shoulders
guiding her into a room. "Take all the time you need," a woman said
and folded back a sheet.
"I'm right here, Sweetie," Maggie said.
Sarah stepped up to the body—to David—lying
on the gurney. She waited for the blank, staring eyes to blink.
Those beautiful dark brown eyes. How dare he scare her like
this!
Her mind swirled with a kaleidoscope of
images. David on their wedding day, beaming as she walked down the
aisle toward him. How gentle he'd been that night, her first time.
David sleeping, smiling at a dream she knew included her. The day
they'd signed the papers on the shop. The time she'd had the flu
and he'd tried so hard to make her feel better.
Finally, she leaned down and placed her
index finger on his lips. "Good-bye. I love you." She straightened
and tossed her hair back from her face.
"Thank you," she said to the woman in a
white lab coat, who had positioned herself by the door. "That's
him. My husband."
She marched out of the room and into the
corridor. "I'd like to go home now, please."
"Of course. I'll have Trooper Cunningham
give you a ride. Come with me."
Sarah, Maggie at her elbow, followed the lab
coat down the hall. "Wait," Sarah said. "I need to make funeral
arrangements, right?"
"The coroner will have to determine the
cause of death, and yes, then they will release the body to a
funeral home. Do you know which one?"
"I've never given it much thought," Sarah
said. She felt like someone else was speaking. As if someone had
taken over her body. Someone strong enough to deal with this.
"Do you belong to a church, a synagogue?
Maybe someone there can help."
"Right," Sarah said. "I'll call them when I
get home. I can let you know."
"That will be fine." She handed Sarah a
card. "You can call this number when you know how you want us to
dis—take care of the body."
Body. Sarah refused to let the word
penetrate. "I will."
She stared out the window as Trooper
Cunningham drove them home. The rain had eased into a heavy mist.
Haloed traffic lights and car headlights sped by, interspersed with
the bright neon of storefront signs. Da-vid. Da-vid. Da-vid. The
windshield wipers seemed to beat out his name as they swung back
and forth.
Trooper Cunningham pulled his car alongside
the curb at the front of her building. She climbed the stairs to
the small entryway, and then up the flight to her apartment, hardly
aware of Maggie's presence. The key seemed to find its own way into
the lock, and she was inside.
Maggie found the telephone numbers. The
strong Sarah called her mother. David's father. Her pastor, who
recommended a funeral home and promised to call the hospital.
When she hung up,
Sarah stood and kissed Maggie. "Thanks. I think I need to be alone
now."
"I understand. Call me. Any time."
Sarah closed the door behind Maggie, and
walked to the bedroom. She looked at the bed. Their bed.
Mechanically, she pulled back the covers and sat down. On David's
side of the bed. Picked up his pillow and hugged it to her face.
Inhaled his scent, and the tough, detached Sarah who had
commandeered her body disappeared, leaving only the naked,
frightened Sarah in her place. She allowed the tears to flow, and
wept until she fell asleep.
*****
Sarah clutched her mother's hand as David's
coffin was lowered into its final resting place. Clods of earth
struck the polished wooden box. She heard a gasp and realized it
was her own. She swallowed and felt her mother's arm around her
shoulders.
The next thing she knew, she was at her
apartment, letting people hug and kiss her and put food in her
kitchen.
"You and your mom sit down right now,"
Maggie said. "Let me take care of everything."
Sarah sat on the couch, watching people
mingle. She hid behind a wall she
holding the pictures in front of her. She blinked and looked again,
then nodded. A barely audible, "Yes."
She dug deep into herself. "I want to see
him. I have to see him. Please."
She felt the arm across her shoulders
guiding her into a room. "Take all the time you need," a woman said
and folded back a sheet.
"I'm right here, Sweetie," Maggie said.
Sarah stepped up to the body—to David—lying
on the gurney. She waited for the blank, staring eyes to blink.
Those beautiful dark brown eyes. How dare he scare her like
this!
Her mind swirled with a kaleidoscope of
images. David on their wedding day, beaming as she walked down the
aisle toward him. How gentle he'd been that night, her first time.
David sleeping, smiling at a dream she knew included her. The day
they'd signed the papers on the shop. The time she'd had the flu
and he'd tried so hard to make her feel better.
Finally, she leaned down and placed her
index finger on his lips. "Good-bye. I love you." She straightened
and tossed her hair back from her face.
"Thank you," she said to the woman in a
white lab coat, who had positioned herself by the door. "That's
him. My husband."
She marched out of the room and into the
corridor. "I'd like to go home now, please."
"Of course. I'll have Trooper Cunningham
give you a ride. Come with me."
Sarah, Maggie at her elbow, followed the lab
coat down the hall. "Wait," Sarah said. "I need to make funeral
arrangements, right?"
"The coroner will have to determine the
cause of death, and yes, then they will release the body to a
funeral home. Do you know which one?"
"I've never given it much thought," Sarah
said. She felt like someone else was speaking. As if someone had
taken over her body. Someone strong enough to deal with this.
"Do you belong to a church, a synagogue?
Maybe someone there can help."
"Right," Sarah said. "I'll call them when I
get home. I can let you know."
"That will be fine." She handed Sarah a
card. "You can call this number when you know how you want us to
dis—take care of the body."
Body. Sarah refused to let the word
penetrate. "I will."
She stared out the window as Trooper
Cunningham drove them home. The rain had eased into a heavy mist.
Haloed traffic lights and car headlights sped by, interspersed with
the bright neon of storefront signs. Da-vid. Da-vid. Da-vid. The
windshield wipers seemed to beat out his name as they swung back
and forth.
Trooper Cunningham pulled his car alongside
the curb at the front of her building. She climbed the stairs to
the small entryway, and then up the flight to her apartment, hardly
aware of Maggie's presence. The key seemed to find its own way into
the lock, and she was inside.
Maggie found the telephone numbers. The
strong Sarah called her mother. David's father. Her pastor, who
recommended a funeral home and promised to call the hospital.
When she hung up,
Sarah stood and kissed Maggie. "Thanks. I think I need to be alone
now."
"I understand. Call me. Any time."
Sarah closed the door behind Maggie, and
walked to the bedroom. She looked at the bed. Their bed.
Mechanically, she pulled back the covers and sat down. On David's
side of the bed. Picked up his pillow and hugged it to her face.
Inhaled his scent, and the tough, detached Sarah who had
commandeered her body disappeared, leaving only the naked,
frightened Sarah in her place. She allowed the tears to flow, and
wept until she fell asleep.
*****
Sarah clutched her mother's hand as David's
coffin was lowered into its final resting place. Clods of earth
struck the polished wooden box. She heard a gasp and realized it
was her own. She swallowed and felt her mother's arm around her
shoulders.
The next thing she knew, she was at her
apartment, letting people hug and kiss her and put food in her
kitchen.
"You and your mom sit down right now,"
Maggie said. "Let me take care of everything."
Sarah sat on the couch, watching people
mingle. She hid behind a wall she
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