Finding Bluefield by Elan Branehama Page A

me?” Barbara said, going over to hug Nicky. “Don’t try and protect me by hiding bad things from me.”
    Nicky lit a cigarette and blew out some smoke. “And now, Carol-Ann called my doctor and told him I was thinking about letting her adopt Paul. He was talking like it was all settled, like I had agreed. I thought everyone would just leave us alone.”
    “They can’t do anything.”
    “We’re dykes; they can do everything.” Nicky rose to pour the coffee. “I saw Mr. Jamison today and I told him I wanted to sell. We’ll have plenty of money to buy a house. The main question is where to move. People get sick everywhere so you’ll be able to find work wherever we go. The south is about to explode and I don’t want Paul to get caught up in the mess.”
    “It’s going to be the same no matter where we are.”
    “I want to start over where no one knows us.”
    “Slow down, Nicky.” Barbara sat back down at the table. “Let’s not panic. Sit down. Let’s talk.”
    “I’m not panicking.” Nicky put a blackberry pie on the table. “I’m gearing up. I’m taking action.”
    “You made pie?” Barbara said. “I guess you’re not panicking.”
    “I am not about to let my son be part of some tug-of-war, some legal battle. I’m not willing to turn him into a cause.”
    “You need to call Carol-Ann and see what she says.”
    “I’m not talking to her. Ever.”
    Nicky finally agreed that she wasn’t going to do anything until she spoke to Carol-Ann. When Carol-Ann answered, Nicky asked her why she had spoken to her doctor.
    “Come on, little sister, he’s a friend of the family. He was our doctor. Richard and I are just trying to help. My lawyer says that the younger the child, the easier it is on them.”
    “Your lawyer?”
    “You’ll need a lawyer too. Richard and I will pay all the expenses, of course.”
    “You don’t get it, Carol-Ann. You just don’t get it.”
    “It’s you who doesn’t get it, Nicky,” Carol-Ann said. “You’ve gone too far. Having a baby without being married and flaunting it. Expecting everyone to say it’s okay for lesbians to raise a boy. Well, it’s not and no one is going to accept Paul. I still have friends in Bluefield. They tell me things. They won’t let their kids come to your house and they won’t let Paul in their homes. They don’t even want him in their schools. If you care about your baby, you’ll give him up. I’m just trying to keep him in the family.”
    “Thanks for explaining everything to me.”
    “I’m glad you finally get it,” Carol-Ann said.
    “It’s all very clear now.” Nicky placed the receiver down.
    Barbara came over and held her. “It’s going to be all right.” Barbara wiped Nicky’s tears with the back of her hands. “We’re together. We’ll get through it.”
    Two days later, on July fourth, Barbara and Nicky celebrated Paul’s two-month birthday. Andy stopped by with a rattle for Paul and they had cake and ice cream. Paul smiled, cried, and then fell asleep. After Andy left and when Barbara was inside, Nicky pushed the carriage into the shadow of the oak tree.
    “I never wanted to take you away from here,” Nicky said. “This was supposed to be our place, our home. Now you’ll never remember this place. It’s Independence Day and it’s time to say good-bye.”
    During the weeks that followed, Nicky made arrangements to sell the farm. Carol-Ann called and several letters from her arrived. Nicky stopped answering the phone and threw away the letters unopened. By August, the letters and the calls both stopped.

    *

    Paul was napping and Barbara was setting the table while Nicky finished preparing dinner. “Funny that you should be the one to decide to move,” Barbara said.
    “Funny?”
    “Odd.”
    “I didn’t actually decide,” Nicky said. “It’s not like I want to move. We have to. That’s not the same thing.”
    “I finally got used to the idea of staying around here.”
    “I really thought