swollen shaft. “Sex.”
“Food first,” I responded, reaching into the cabinet to retrieve two plates. “I cooked. Let’s at least eat it before we end up in bed.”
Matt kissed my shoulder before sitting down in front of the island. He took a mouthful of burrito and gave me a quick thumbs-up. Swallowing, he wiped his mouth and took a quick sip of water. “I want to talk to you about that too.” He pointed into the bedroom.
“Oh, God,” I mumbled.
“Before you start freaking out, there’s nothing wrong. I just wanted to talk about how you felt about everything. I know it’s been fast, but I hoped you didn’t think that I pushed you. I just wanted you so much and I know I can be a bit much when I see something I want. I wanted you more than I’d ever wanted anything or anyone in my life.”
“Me too… I mean, I wanted you just as much.”
“You don’t regret moving so fast?” Matt took another bite of burrito and waited for my answer.
“I don’t have any regrets other than my desire to be more experienced, I guess. I feel a little silly in there sometimes, fumbling around or whatever.”
He smiled softly. “Fin, last night in bed, you squeezed me twice and I came in your hand like a fucking teenager. I react like that to you because I love you.”
I placed my burrito onto the plate. “You want to know how I feel about everything. Okay. I’ve always been fortunate, you know? I had parents that cared about me, a good education, a great house. But the one thing I’d always wanted that I never thought was possible to get was physical love. Emily could have it; all of the straight kids from school could have it.” I shrugged. “I couldn’t.”
“Fin—”
“Then I went to college. I thought that everyone got laid in college, you know. I figured that boys like me would just be coming out of the woodwork… but they weren’t. It was a conservative school and I was too shy to put myself out there. Finally, when I did – well, you know what happened. The only thing I wanted was to feel someone else’s lips on mine. To really kiss someone, you know? To have them hold me in their arms. The actual sex hardly even mattered. I mean, yeah, I watched porn, but you know how that is. It’s not exactly real… and even if it turned me on a little, it scared me more.”
“Why?”
“Because there was so much to it. It wasn’t just kissing and lying in bed. It was sucking cock and licking – fuck – everywhere… and fucking and being fucked. I had no experience, Matt. With any of it. When I sucked you the first time, I nearly choked from fear. What was it gonna taste like? What if I threw up? What if you hated it? And when you fucked me,” I whispered, “I nearly thought I would tear. I actually thought my body would rip in half.”
“So, why didn’t you stop me? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because… I’d never been more turned on in my life. By all of it. Every second I’ve spent in that bed with you – or on that couch, or in that shower – it doesn’t get any better than that, Matt. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that you didn’t push me… not once. If I actually opened up about what I wanted from time to time, I’d be down on my knees right now, sucking your cock until you came down my throat.”
Matt pushed his chair back and stood. “What are you waiting for?”
♂♂
“Okay, so explain this again?”
I stared at the flat screen, focusing on Matt’s words as he attempted to interpret the rules of the nonsensical game playing before me.
“So, this is the offense, right? Eleven players. The field is a hundred yards long, okay? Well, the goal of the offense is to take the ball down the field to make it into the end zone. Every time the offense gets the ball, they have four chances to gain ten yards. If they’re successful, it’s called
“Food first,” I responded, reaching into the cabinet to retrieve two plates. “I cooked. Let’s at least eat it before we end up in bed.”
Matt kissed my shoulder before sitting down in front of the island. He took a mouthful of burrito and gave me a quick thumbs-up. Swallowing, he wiped his mouth and took a quick sip of water. “I want to talk to you about that too.” He pointed into the bedroom.
“Oh, God,” I mumbled.
“Before you start freaking out, there’s nothing wrong. I just wanted to talk about how you felt about everything. I know it’s been fast, but I hoped you didn’t think that I pushed you. I just wanted you so much and I know I can be a bit much when I see something I want. I wanted you more than I’d ever wanted anything or anyone in my life.”
“Me too… I mean, I wanted you just as much.”
“You don’t regret moving so fast?” Matt took another bite of burrito and waited for my answer.
“I don’t have any regrets other than my desire to be more experienced, I guess. I feel a little silly in there sometimes, fumbling around or whatever.”
He smiled softly. “Fin, last night in bed, you squeezed me twice and I came in your hand like a fucking teenager. I react like that to you because I love you.”
I placed my burrito onto the plate. “You want to know how I feel about everything. Okay. I’ve always been fortunate, you know? I had parents that cared about me, a good education, a great house. But the one thing I’d always wanted that I never thought was possible to get was physical love. Emily could have it; all of the straight kids from school could have it.” I shrugged. “I couldn’t.”
“Fin—”
“Then I went to college. I thought that everyone got laid in college, you know. I figured that boys like me would just be coming out of the woodwork… but they weren’t. It was a conservative school and I was too shy to put myself out there. Finally, when I did – well, you know what happened. The only thing I wanted was to feel someone else’s lips on mine. To really kiss someone, you know? To have them hold me in their arms. The actual sex hardly even mattered. I mean, yeah, I watched porn, but you know how that is. It’s not exactly real… and even if it turned me on a little, it scared me more.”
“Why?”
“Because there was so much to it. It wasn’t just kissing and lying in bed. It was sucking cock and licking – fuck – everywhere… and fucking and being fucked. I had no experience, Matt. With any of it. When I sucked you the first time, I nearly choked from fear. What was it gonna taste like? What if I threw up? What if you hated it? And when you fucked me,” I whispered, “I nearly thought I would tear. I actually thought my body would rip in half.”
“So, why didn’t you stop me? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because… I’d never been more turned on in my life. By all of it. Every second I’ve spent in that bed with you – or on that couch, or in that shower – it doesn’t get any better than that, Matt. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that you didn’t push me… not once. If I actually opened up about what I wanted from time to time, I’d be down on my knees right now, sucking your cock until you came down my throat.”
Matt pushed his chair back and stood. “What are you waiting for?”
♂♂
“Okay, so explain this again?”
I stared at the flat screen, focusing on Matt’s words as he attempted to interpret the rules of the nonsensical game playing before me.
“So, this is the offense, right? Eleven players. The field is a hundred yards long, okay? Well, the goal of the offense is to take the ball down the field to make it into the end zone. Every time the offense gets the ball, they have four chances to gain ten yards. If they’re successful, it’s called
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