a while. I didn’t go looking for him so he needs to speak.
“After I found out we were having a daughter I thought about all the shit I was doing. The women, Carmen, hurting you. I didn’t know what my problem was. I know you meant something to me and when you said you didn’t want me around anymore, something inside me snapped. I don’t want you to hate me for my choices and I don’t want to hate you because of what I pushed you to do. I messed up and I want to start doing right by you and my baby girl. I didn’t expect to feel anything for you, but even that first time with you, the way you look at me with those caramel eyes. God, you’re so beautiful and you see me for me Vinny your friend. Not this pro fighter that makes money. I did pursue you and I wanted you, but once wasn’t enough.
“I tried to make myself forget about that first time, even all those phone calls and texts between us; I just had to try and move on and get over me and you, because I know what my life is like, and you’re the type of girl who doesn’t deserve my life’s drama. But, obviously you caught me trying, and then afterwards when you said you were pregnant. I started thinking, she could really be the one, but then we got here and I started freaking out because fuck I didn’t know you anymore. We haven’t spoken in over 10 years, but all these memories kept flooding back into my head , I remember so many times when we were just kids, that I would run home and tell my dad I would marry you one day, he thought I was joking but to a kid I took it seriously.” I take in everything he’s saying even though it’s hard to revisit the past and the little boy I used to know.
“Then I fucked up again with Carmen after you caught me and her, when you came to tell me about the baby” I feel a tear slip out my eye after that one sentence. I’m really struggling to listen to him now. “Then again when you came to the gym to see me. I knew exactly what you were thinking because your cheeks had that adorable flush in them. I didn’t mean to just fuck and forget you, that wasn’t what I had in mind, but you were there and I had wanted to be alone with my thoughts. You came in and I was already thinking about you so I took my opportunity to do it because I thought you hated me but I didn’t want the first time to be the last time. When we fought with Carmen later I fucking wanted to kill her, but I turned all that anger on you instead, and for that you cannot begin to understand how sorry I am. I was an ass hole when I said those things, and you didn’t deserve that shit at all. Then three months go by, after you walked out, and all I could do was wait for my dad to call me about how you were and your doctor visits, I would make him come straight to my condo afterwards to let me see the baby. I wanted to be the one to hold you and comfort you when you needed something at 3AM not my father or your brother or your roommate’s boyfriend. This whole time it should have been me. Then last night, when Dom was touching my baby girl, I lost it. I ran to the dressing room and told Carmen to go fuck herself; that it was you who I wanted. We fought and I stayed at a hotel, I told her to get the fuck out of my condo by this weekend and then that’s it.” He paused looking for something from me, but I sat stunned.
“Te, I don’t know if we will work out, but I’m done messing up this right here.” He touched our growing baby. “She brought us something that is real, she brought us together again, and I don’t want to miss anything else.” He waited for me again, but all I could do was smile and let my tears fall. I lunged into his arms and hugged him.
Hugged him for me, for him, for his truth, and for our baby girl. I could try to deny what I felt for him and say no. I could tell him to leave right now. But, then what? I might miss out on something really good, and that is not something that I want to regret. With my decision made I close
“After I found out we were having a daughter I thought about all the shit I was doing. The women, Carmen, hurting you. I didn’t know what my problem was. I know you meant something to me and when you said you didn’t want me around anymore, something inside me snapped. I don’t want you to hate me for my choices and I don’t want to hate you because of what I pushed you to do. I messed up and I want to start doing right by you and my baby girl. I didn’t expect to feel anything for you, but even that first time with you, the way you look at me with those caramel eyes. God, you’re so beautiful and you see me for me Vinny your friend. Not this pro fighter that makes money. I did pursue you and I wanted you, but once wasn’t enough.
“I tried to make myself forget about that first time, even all those phone calls and texts between us; I just had to try and move on and get over me and you, because I know what my life is like, and you’re the type of girl who doesn’t deserve my life’s drama. But, obviously you caught me trying, and then afterwards when you said you were pregnant. I started thinking, she could really be the one, but then we got here and I started freaking out because fuck I didn’t know you anymore. We haven’t spoken in over 10 years, but all these memories kept flooding back into my head , I remember so many times when we were just kids, that I would run home and tell my dad I would marry you one day, he thought I was joking but to a kid I took it seriously.” I take in everything he’s saying even though it’s hard to revisit the past and the little boy I used to know.
“Then I fucked up again with Carmen after you caught me and her, when you came to tell me about the baby” I feel a tear slip out my eye after that one sentence. I’m really struggling to listen to him now. “Then again when you came to the gym to see me. I knew exactly what you were thinking because your cheeks had that adorable flush in them. I didn’t mean to just fuck and forget you, that wasn’t what I had in mind, but you were there and I had wanted to be alone with my thoughts. You came in and I was already thinking about you so I took my opportunity to do it because I thought you hated me but I didn’t want the first time to be the last time. When we fought with Carmen later I fucking wanted to kill her, but I turned all that anger on you instead, and for that you cannot begin to understand how sorry I am. I was an ass hole when I said those things, and you didn’t deserve that shit at all. Then three months go by, after you walked out, and all I could do was wait for my dad to call me about how you were and your doctor visits, I would make him come straight to my condo afterwards to let me see the baby. I wanted to be the one to hold you and comfort you when you needed something at 3AM not my father or your brother or your roommate’s boyfriend. This whole time it should have been me. Then last night, when Dom was touching my baby girl, I lost it. I ran to the dressing room and told Carmen to go fuck herself; that it was you who I wanted. We fought and I stayed at a hotel, I told her to get the fuck out of my condo by this weekend and then that’s it.” He paused looking for something from me, but I sat stunned.
“Te, I don’t know if we will work out, but I’m done messing up this right here.” He touched our growing baby. “She brought us something that is real, she brought us together again, and I don’t want to miss anything else.” He waited for me again, but all I could do was smile and let my tears fall. I lunged into his arms and hugged him.
Hugged him for me, for him, for his truth, and for our baby girl. I could try to deny what I felt for him and say no. I could tell him to leave right now. But, then what? I might miss out on something really good, and that is not something that I want to regret. With my decision made I close
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