says if you burn it’s better you just….”
“Missus,” I said
giving her a tiny shake. I was breathing irregular, and her little round rump
was right on the source of my agitation. I was only a man, for pity’s sake. Not
a hero. Not even good.
“Alright,” she
said. “You can go on west and break my heart. But for the rest of my days I’ll
see you at that well…for the rest of my days….”
I held her so
tight. I exploded. My shame was beneath her. I was sweating and gulping. And
when I could bring myself to, I looked at her sweet face. And she was asleep.
And I studied her
then, this little ball of fire that untied all of my knots and tied them back
again…in bows.
I held her as
long as I could, and it was not long enough. My ma was the one to come and
fetch me to my senses. “Tom,” she said, and it was rebuke.
“It was her
hand,” I said. “I had to stitch it.”
Her eyes went to
the whiskey, then back to me holding her that way. “Bring her to the house,”
she said, and it hit me harder than Gaylin ever could.
And so I carried
her into her room. My ma did not speak to me, and Allie barely looked at me,
but hid a smile. I laid Missus on her bed. She muttered in her sleep. I turned
away, for I was done looking. Allie was rocking the baby in the kitchen, and
she gave me another one of those smiles.
“Tom,” Ma said
before I could escape, “she smells of spirits.”
“Yes, Ma,” I
said, my voice strong, “I stitched that hand.”
Ma studied me. I
knew she wondered how far it went with me…the dark streak she had not imagined
when I came home. But I was of her cloth, and so I looked back. I had never
disrespected my ma, but I had broken her heart many a time. And now I was
breaking Addie’s and that felt worse. I turned and went out.
In my room I
gathered clean clothes and I headed to the pond. I needed baptizing after this
day. Duty called me, I was not deaf, but it was something more. It was her.
Next day the
gavel fell. They were bringing cousin Lavinia in. I did not have a grudge
against that woman. I’d grown up knowing cousin Lavinia, and though she was
always a little too prim for my liking, though she sometimes found me crude,
and though she cried easy when I put that baby opossum in her bed, or hid her
knitting so high in a tree Garrett had to risk life and limb to fetch it, I had
nothing against such a one at all.
Her husband
Lemuel had been killed in a small skirmish in Kentucky. She mourned him hard, Ma said. I
knew she granted him sainthood now he was up there playing a harp as Ma had
read me her letters, but I kept my opinion under my hat.
Lavinia was
coming to winter over with us. That’s how Ma put it, but I knew what it was. She
was being brought in to chaperone Addie and me, and I had barely two weeks
before I left…though I was very torn.
Ma said they
thought her a good companion for Missus. Did Ma and Pa think I had no
understanding of their wiles? And what about what Addie thought she needed? Hellfire
is all I could say about this.
But that was not
the half of it. More was on the way.
Tom
Tanner
Chapter
Eleven: Church, Part One
Pa brought cousin
Lavinia home on my last Monday morning before heading west. Sorrow had aged
cousin Lavinia by robbing her countenance of shine. It was as if the light
inside her flickered in the storm of life and went out. Her smile was feeble,
her shoulders bowed in.
“Lavinia?” Ma said.
“Yes, Elizabeth,” she answered
as I stepped forward to help her down from the wagon, “I am still in here.”
“Cousin,” said I.
Allie threw
herself at Lavinia, nearly knocking her over. Gaylin caught them both and
righted them. “Did you bring the ladies’ magazines,” Allie asked.
“I did,” Lavinia said, the first sign of life showing in her expression.
Ma introduced her
to Addie, and Addie embraced Lavinia. What a fine hen party it was. I went to
the barn along with the other
“Missus,” I said
giving her a tiny shake. I was breathing irregular, and her little round rump
was right on the source of my agitation. I was only a man, for pity’s sake. Not
a hero. Not even good.
“Alright,” she
said. “You can go on west and break my heart. But for the rest of my days I’ll
see you at that well…for the rest of my days….”
I held her so
tight. I exploded. My shame was beneath her. I was sweating and gulping. And
when I could bring myself to, I looked at her sweet face. And she was asleep.
And I studied her
then, this little ball of fire that untied all of my knots and tied them back
again…in bows.
I held her as
long as I could, and it was not long enough. My ma was the one to come and
fetch me to my senses. “Tom,” she said, and it was rebuke.
“It was her
hand,” I said. “I had to stitch it.”
Her eyes went to
the whiskey, then back to me holding her that way. “Bring her to the house,”
she said, and it hit me harder than Gaylin ever could.
And so I carried
her into her room. My ma did not speak to me, and Allie barely looked at me,
but hid a smile. I laid Missus on her bed. She muttered in her sleep. I turned
away, for I was done looking. Allie was rocking the baby in the kitchen, and
she gave me another one of those smiles.
“Tom,” Ma said
before I could escape, “she smells of spirits.”
“Yes, Ma,” I
said, my voice strong, “I stitched that hand.”
Ma studied me. I
knew she wondered how far it went with me…the dark streak she had not imagined
when I came home. But I was of her cloth, and so I looked back. I had never
disrespected my ma, but I had broken her heart many a time. And now I was
breaking Addie’s and that felt worse. I turned and went out.
In my room I
gathered clean clothes and I headed to the pond. I needed baptizing after this
day. Duty called me, I was not deaf, but it was something more. It was her.
Next day the
gavel fell. They were bringing cousin Lavinia in. I did not have a grudge
against that woman. I’d grown up knowing cousin Lavinia, and though she was
always a little too prim for my liking, though she sometimes found me crude,
and though she cried easy when I put that baby opossum in her bed, or hid her
knitting so high in a tree Garrett had to risk life and limb to fetch it, I had
nothing against such a one at all.
Her husband
Lemuel had been killed in a small skirmish in Kentucky. She mourned him hard, Ma said. I
knew she granted him sainthood now he was up there playing a harp as Ma had
read me her letters, but I kept my opinion under my hat.
Lavinia was
coming to winter over with us. That’s how Ma put it, but I knew what it was. She
was being brought in to chaperone Addie and me, and I had barely two weeks
before I left…though I was very torn.
Ma said they
thought her a good companion for Missus. Did Ma and Pa think I had no
understanding of their wiles? And what about what Addie thought she needed? Hellfire
is all I could say about this.
But that was not
the half of it. More was on the way.
Tom
Tanner
Chapter
Eleven: Church, Part One
Pa brought cousin
Lavinia home on my last Monday morning before heading west. Sorrow had aged
cousin Lavinia by robbing her countenance of shine. It was as if the light
inside her flickered in the storm of life and went out. Her smile was feeble,
her shoulders bowed in.
“Lavinia?” Ma said.
“Yes, Elizabeth,” she answered
as I stepped forward to help her down from the wagon, “I am still in here.”
“Cousin,” said I.
Allie threw
herself at Lavinia, nearly knocking her over. Gaylin caught them both and
righted them. “Did you bring the ladies’ magazines,” Allie asked.
“I did,” Lavinia said, the first sign of life showing in her expression.
Ma introduced her
to Addie, and Addie embraced Lavinia. What a fine hen party it was. I went to
the barn along with the other
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