me properly.
His voice was barely audible. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘But why? What made you tell him?’ I was at a loss to
understand such stupidity.
‘I don’t know; it just got to me. I couldn’t eat, sleep or
concentrate and eventually he noticed. Oh God, Katie… I don’t know, it just
came out.’
He was so distressed I didn’t have the heart to be angry.
‘Will you be forced to leave the priesthood?’ I really hoped not, I
couldn’t have lived with the guilt.
‘Father Gus asked me to go on retreat. I suppose to evaluate
my faith and future in the church. He isn’t going to mention anything to the
Bishop until I return.’
‘I’m so sorry, Michael.’
‘No, don’t be.’ He put his hand on my shoulder and then
removed it as if I’d burnt him. ‘It happened – we can’t change that – but please
don’t be sorry, I’m not.’ His eyes were defiant as he pleaded with me; he
really meant it.
‘When are you going?’ I asked.
‘I’m on my way now, but I had to see you first.’
‘So… this is it?’ I asked.
He cleared his throat and seemed to force himself to speak, ‘I’m afraid
so.’
We spoke for another few minutes before I returned to my car. The spot
where Michael had parked was empty when I drove past it a moment later.
I felt chastened on the drive home. Guilt nudged anxiously. It was
clear what had happened between Michael and me, had and would affect his life
far more than mine. This seems a callous thing to say, but although I felt
sorry for my part in his fall from grace, I was also angry. Michael’s parting
words had been that he had fallen in love with me, which is why what happened,
happened. Did I believe him? Did I hell.
Men are always saying women are spectacularly good at not being able
separate sex from emotion. I’m sorry, but that’s bollocks! Michael needed to
put a label on it, find a reason for going against his faith and the vows he
had taken. Lust filled sex with a woman he’d only known a few months, didn’t cut
it. As far as I was concerned love didn’t cut it either. He fancied me; he
wanted sex – that was it. And quite honestly – so what? Celibacy is an
unnatural state in human beings. Who decided celibacy would make a man a
better priest? It couldn’t have been Jesus – he had Mary Magdalene hanging
around.’
That’s it – I’m definitely going to hell now.
Chapter Eight
As I’ve said,
introspection isn’t my thing, so I didn’t let my nefarious “doings” get me down
for long. I missed Michael, but deep down I had always known what we had was
temporary. If he had given up being a priest so we could be together, would it
have worked? I didn’t think so. Not least, as I’ve already said, his being a
priest was part of his allure. So, it was best all round if I put him out of
my mind and got on with the business of living my real life, and I fervently hoped
Michael was doing the same. I hope you are appreciating my honesty here.
We had moved into our house the previous winter, but were only on a nodding
acquaintance with the neighbours so far. As the summer got into full swing,
their rounds of barbecues accelerated and we found ourselves included in the
small clique made up of our closest neighbours. Sunday afternoons found us in
either our own, or one of the neighbour’s gardens.
Eddie was in his element, he was a “joiner”, he liked to be included.
For the most part, I could take it or leave it. OK, it was good for the
children to have playmates, but sitting around listening to the “Stepford Wives”
discussing how well little Jimmy was doing at school, or which washer did the best
job, was my idea of hell.
My salvation came in the form of Stacey Bond. I
His voice was barely audible. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘But why? What made you tell him?’ I was at a loss to
understand such stupidity.
‘I don’t know; it just got to me. I couldn’t eat, sleep or
concentrate and eventually he noticed. Oh God, Katie… I don’t know, it just
came out.’
He was so distressed I didn’t have the heart to be angry.
‘Will you be forced to leave the priesthood?’ I really hoped not, I
couldn’t have lived with the guilt.
‘Father Gus asked me to go on retreat. I suppose to evaluate
my faith and future in the church. He isn’t going to mention anything to the
Bishop until I return.’
‘I’m so sorry, Michael.’
‘No, don’t be.’ He put his hand on my shoulder and then
removed it as if I’d burnt him. ‘It happened – we can’t change that – but please
don’t be sorry, I’m not.’ His eyes were defiant as he pleaded with me; he
really meant it.
‘When are you going?’ I asked.
‘I’m on my way now, but I had to see you first.’
‘So… this is it?’ I asked.
He cleared his throat and seemed to force himself to speak, ‘I’m afraid
so.’
We spoke for another few minutes before I returned to my car. The spot
where Michael had parked was empty when I drove past it a moment later.
I felt chastened on the drive home. Guilt nudged anxiously. It was
clear what had happened between Michael and me, had and would affect his life
far more than mine. This seems a callous thing to say, but although I felt
sorry for my part in his fall from grace, I was also angry. Michael’s parting
words had been that he had fallen in love with me, which is why what happened,
happened. Did I believe him? Did I hell.
Men are always saying women are spectacularly good at not being able
separate sex from emotion. I’m sorry, but that’s bollocks! Michael needed to
put a label on it, find a reason for going against his faith and the vows he
had taken. Lust filled sex with a woman he’d only known a few months, didn’t cut
it. As far as I was concerned love didn’t cut it either. He fancied me; he
wanted sex – that was it. And quite honestly – so what? Celibacy is an
unnatural state in human beings. Who decided celibacy would make a man a
better priest? It couldn’t have been Jesus – he had Mary Magdalene hanging
around.’
That’s it – I’m definitely going to hell now.
Chapter Eight
As I’ve said,
introspection isn’t my thing, so I didn’t let my nefarious “doings” get me down
for long. I missed Michael, but deep down I had always known what we had was
temporary. If he had given up being a priest so we could be together, would it
have worked? I didn’t think so. Not least, as I’ve already said, his being a
priest was part of his allure. So, it was best all round if I put him out of
my mind and got on with the business of living my real life, and I fervently hoped
Michael was doing the same. I hope you are appreciating my honesty here.
We had moved into our house the previous winter, but were only on a nodding
acquaintance with the neighbours so far. As the summer got into full swing,
their rounds of barbecues accelerated and we found ourselves included in the
small clique made up of our closest neighbours. Sunday afternoons found us in
either our own, or one of the neighbour’s gardens.
Eddie was in his element, he was a “joiner”, he liked to be included.
For the most part, I could take it or leave it. OK, it was good for the
children to have playmates, but sitting around listening to the “Stepford Wives”
discussing how well little Jimmy was doing at school, or which washer did the best
job, was my idea of hell.
My salvation came in the form of Stacey Bond. I
Similar Books
