that we are going to do everything in our power here at the hospital to make Carson comfortable.”
“Thank you, Dr. Hill. I appreciate it.” My voice cracks, betraying the emotion flowing through me right now. I don’t know how to process any of this.
“I’m going to go too,” Margaret whispers as she moves to follow the doctor out of the room.
“Go? Go where?”
“I just think it would be best if I stepped back and let you handle this. I mean, you have been here before and at least know what to expect.”
“Yeah, you’re right, Mother. I know exactly what to expect. I expect that beautiful little boy’s mother to want to be by his side while he his scared and in pain. I expect his mother to throw up her hand and demand to be tested as a possible match. I expect you to stay, but I can see now that I am sorely mistaken when I EXPECT any of those things from you. Get out of my sight. I never want to see you again.”
She doesn’t even reply, instead choosing to run from the room as soon as I am done yelling. I have never been more disgusted with her than I am right this second. I am ashamed to call her my mother. I am ashamed even to share the same blood as her.
I hate her.
“What a fucking bitch,” Callum says with as much disgust as I feel.
“Yeah. Listen, Cal, it would probably be best if you went on home too.”
“What? I’m not leaving you here alone.”
“Yes, you are. I don’t have the energy to argue with you right now. I want to be alone with Carson. Please, Cal. Just go.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re pushing me away again. After everything that we have been through?”
“Just go, Cal. Please.”
“No. I’m not fucking leaving you. You can’t ask me to do this. Fuck, Amelia, you need me. You’re barely able to handle yourself right now. Hell, you’re supposed to be on bedrest.”
“Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I don’t know my own damn body, Cal? I can promise you . . . I do, and right now, I know that I need to be alone. I know that if you stay, it won’t help me at all. I’m asking you nicely to go. Give me what I know I need, and maybe when my brain is done processing all this, I will call you, and we can talk.”
“You’ll call me? You will fucking call me? Are you serious right now? Have the last two days meant nothing to you?”
“Cal, go, or I will have the staff call security up here. I don’t want you here right now.”
“Fine,” he says, slamming the door behind him on the way out.
Chapter Twenty
Callum
No fucking way. She is not pushing me away again.
Except she just did.
And there was not one fucking thing I could do or say to make her change her mind.
A sob catches in my throat, tears burning behind my eyelids as I lean my head against the room door, hoping she changes her mind and rushes out to get me, but she doesn’t.
I knew she wouldn’t.
She doesn’t need me.
She doesn’t want me.
Well, I fucking want her. I fucking need her. I need her more than I need air to breathe. More than anything in this whole fucked up world.
Turning on my heel, I walk back toward the nurse’s station, past the nasally bitch who doesn’t know how to do her job, and out into the pouring rain. I don’t know how long I stand there. Ten . . . twenty-five minutes, rain pouring from the sky and soaking me through, and I let the pain tearing my soul from my body out. Her words have the power to break me wide open once again, and I know they would have already if I didn’t know she was full of fucking shit.
She does need me.
She is just terrified, and she doesn’t know what to do.
I can understand that completely, but where I want to tackle each and every bump in the road with her by my side, she feels the need to do it all alone. It’s a defense mechanism of hers to push everyone away at the first sign of trouble.
I’ll be damned if I let her push me anywhere.
“Cal, hey, man. What the hell are you doing?”
“Thank you, Dr. Hill. I appreciate it.” My voice cracks, betraying the emotion flowing through me right now. I don’t know how to process any of this.
“I’m going to go too,” Margaret whispers as she moves to follow the doctor out of the room.
“Go? Go where?”
“I just think it would be best if I stepped back and let you handle this. I mean, you have been here before and at least know what to expect.”
“Yeah, you’re right, Mother. I know exactly what to expect. I expect that beautiful little boy’s mother to want to be by his side while he his scared and in pain. I expect his mother to throw up her hand and demand to be tested as a possible match. I expect you to stay, but I can see now that I am sorely mistaken when I EXPECT any of those things from you. Get out of my sight. I never want to see you again.”
She doesn’t even reply, instead choosing to run from the room as soon as I am done yelling. I have never been more disgusted with her than I am right this second. I am ashamed to call her my mother. I am ashamed even to share the same blood as her.
I hate her.
“What a fucking bitch,” Callum says with as much disgust as I feel.
“Yeah. Listen, Cal, it would probably be best if you went on home too.”
“What? I’m not leaving you here alone.”
“Yes, you are. I don’t have the energy to argue with you right now. I want to be alone with Carson. Please, Cal. Just go.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re pushing me away again. After everything that we have been through?”
“Just go, Cal. Please.”
“No. I’m not fucking leaving you. You can’t ask me to do this. Fuck, Amelia, you need me. You’re barely able to handle yourself right now. Hell, you’re supposed to be on bedrest.”
“Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I don’t know my own damn body, Cal? I can promise you . . . I do, and right now, I know that I need to be alone. I know that if you stay, it won’t help me at all. I’m asking you nicely to go. Give me what I know I need, and maybe when my brain is done processing all this, I will call you, and we can talk.”
“You’ll call me? You will fucking call me? Are you serious right now? Have the last two days meant nothing to you?”
“Cal, go, or I will have the staff call security up here. I don’t want you here right now.”
“Fine,” he says, slamming the door behind him on the way out.
Chapter Twenty
Callum
No fucking way. She is not pushing me away again.
Except she just did.
And there was not one fucking thing I could do or say to make her change her mind.
A sob catches in my throat, tears burning behind my eyelids as I lean my head against the room door, hoping she changes her mind and rushes out to get me, but she doesn’t.
I knew she wouldn’t.
She doesn’t need me.
She doesn’t want me.
Well, I fucking want her. I fucking need her. I need her more than I need air to breathe. More than anything in this whole fucked up world.
Turning on my heel, I walk back toward the nurse’s station, past the nasally bitch who doesn’t know how to do her job, and out into the pouring rain. I don’t know how long I stand there. Ten . . . twenty-five minutes, rain pouring from the sky and soaking me through, and I let the pain tearing my soul from my body out. Her words have the power to break me wide open once again, and I know they would have already if I didn’t know she was full of fucking shit.
She does need me.
She is just terrified, and she doesn’t know what to do.
I can understand that completely, but where I want to tackle each and every bump in the road with her by my side, she feels the need to do it all alone. It’s a defense mechanism of hers to push everyone away at the first sign of trouble.
I’ll be damned if I let her push me anywhere.
“Cal, hey, man. What the hell are you doing?”
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