myself up and jumped onto his bedroom floor.
Killian wrapped his arms around himself and dug his finger tips into his shoulders, he screamed again; I could hear him sob between screams.
My whole chest was tight, my heart threatening to rip out of my chest. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. I kneeled down on the bed and hovered my hand over Killian’s shoulder. I wanted to take him into my arms, I wanted to hold him, console him; but I couldn’t bring myself to touch him.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered. Killian rolled onto his back, his eyes snapped open. In that second I wanted to book it, but one look at his glassy, tear filled eyes and I relaxed he wasn’t awake. His eyes rolled and stared up at the ceiling, incoherent and unfocused. I could see sweat glisten on his temples.
“Dad? Dad?” Killian murmured.
I froze. Not knowing what to say. Killian started to mutter incoherently, staring dazed up at the ceiling. He looked completely out of it.
“Let me go, let me see them, please just let me see them, Leo please.”
My throat restricted on its self. He must be having night terrors, some of our ex-legionnaires had them. Though I had only heard about them I had never seem them myself.
Poor kid was completely delirious.
“The maggots hatched, their eating her. Her skin is falling off, Mom won’t die, why won’t Mom die?”
I just stared like an idiot, a statue in the room looming over him. I wonder if Killian knew I was the one that killed his parents. His mom had looked like a rotting corpse when I had shot her. I heard most of their meat was inedible. I hadn’t seen any maggots that night, but the room was dark and I didn’t waste enough time to look. Sounds like it really fucked the kid up though. I didn’t know what it was like to lose parents, mine died before I could remember much of them, so I really hadn’t cared.
I felt a tooth dig into my bottom lip, hating myself for not having the balls to touch him, to comfort him. I was the useless guardian, I could protect him from dangers on the outside but I didn’t know how to fight the demons in his head. I was bad at emotional things.
“It’s okay,” I said silently, my brain calling me every name it could think of, from coward to creep to gutless stalker.
The blond haired boy closed is eyes and I heard a small whimper break through his lips. I could see tears wetting his pale cheeks. He curled himself up tight and rolled over onto his side, my hand now right by his face. I could feel his warm breath against it. My heart contracted in its self.
I felt a chill twist up my spine like an iced snake, I couldn’t breath. This was the closest I had ever been to him.
And he probably wouldn’t remember a thing.
As I watched him, my heart burned and ached. This was the first time in a long time since I had felt empathy and even then it was only for Reno after he had gotten raped a few years back. The emotion was foreign to me to the point where sometimes I didn’t know if I was really feeling it.
But... I actually felt bad for Killian, I truly did. I was used to being alone, after his parents died, that probably was the first time he had ever been alone. And he was all alone now in this fucked up world.
He was so naive, so innocent, after the Massey’s died he was a lost creature wandering around with no where to be. With the bloody claws of the wasteland slowly closing around him. He was like a stray dog lost in the greywastes, and no stray lasted long as night fell. Not without someone there to watch over him.
That’s when I had noticed him, that’s when I started following him. Because I knew if I didn’t he would die.
This had gone so much farther though... I had started following him for his own safety, but now I knew I was following him because I wanted to. Because I couldn’t get him out of my head and I didn’t know why. Maybe that was empathy? I didn’t know and I didn’t know how to ask Greyson or Leo without feeling soft and
Killian wrapped his arms around himself and dug his finger tips into his shoulders, he screamed again; I could hear him sob between screams.
My whole chest was tight, my heart threatening to rip out of my chest. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. I kneeled down on the bed and hovered my hand over Killian’s shoulder. I wanted to take him into my arms, I wanted to hold him, console him; but I couldn’t bring myself to touch him.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered. Killian rolled onto his back, his eyes snapped open. In that second I wanted to book it, but one look at his glassy, tear filled eyes and I relaxed he wasn’t awake. His eyes rolled and stared up at the ceiling, incoherent and unfocused. I could see sweat glisten on his temples.
“Dad? Dad?” Killian murmured.
I froze. Not knowing what to say. Killian started to mutter incoherently, staring dazed up at the ceiling. He looked completely out of it.
“Let me go, let me see them, please just let me see them, Leo please.”
My throat restricted on its self. He must be having night terrors, some of our ex-legionnaires had them. Though I had only heard about them I had never seem them myself.
Poor kid was completely delirious.
“The maggots hatched, their eating her. Her skin is falling off, Mom won’t die, why won’t Mom die?”
I just stared like an idiot, a statue in the room looming over him. I wonder if Killian knew I was the one that killed his parents. His mom had looked like a rotting corpse when I had shot her. I heard most of their meat was inedible. I hadn’t seen any maggots that night, but the room was dark and I didn’t waste enough time to look. Sounds like it really fucked the kid up though. I didn’t know what it was like to lose parents, mine died before I could remember much of them, so I really hadn’t cared.
I felt a tooth dig into my bottom lip, hating myself for not having the balls to touch him, to comfort him. I was the useless guardian, I could protect him from dangers on the outside but I didn’t know how to fight the demons in his head. I was bad at emotional things.
“It’s okay,” I said silently, my brain calling me every name it could think of, from coward to creep to gutless stalker.
The blond haired boy closed is eyes and I heard a small whimper break through his lips. I could see tears wetting his pale cheeks. He curled himself up tight and rolled over onto his side, my hand now right by his face. I could feel his warm breath against it. My heart contracted in its self.
I felt a chill twist up my spine like an iced snake, I couldn’t breath. This was the closest I had ever been to him.
And he probably wouldn’t remember a thing.
As I watched him, my heart burned and ached. This was the first time in a long time since I had felt empathy and even then it was only for Reno after he had gotten raped a few years back. The emotion was foreign to me to the point where sometimes I didn’t know if I was really feeling it.
But... I actually felt bad for Killian, I truly did. I was used to being alone, after his parents died, that probably was the first time he had ever been alone. And he was all alone now in this fucked up world.
He was so naive, so innocent, after the Massey’s died he was a lost creature wandering around with no where to be. With the bloody claws of the wasteland slowly closing around him. He was like a stray dog lost in the greywastes, and no stray lasted long as night fell. Not without someone there to watch over him.
That’s when I had noticed him, that’s when I started following him. Because I knew if I didn’t he would die.
This had gone so much farther though... I had started following him for his own safety, but now I knew I was following him because I wanted to. Because I couldn’t get him out of my head and I didn’t know why. Maybe that was empathy? I didn’t know and I didn’t know how to ask Greyson or Leo without feeling soft and
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