Falling into Surrender by A. Zavarelli

thinking that was why. Because I was just another asshole that let you down. You think it’s alright, but it’s not. How can it be?”
    “It is right, Gabriel. That had nothing to do with why I couldn’t see you. This thing between us, it’s the only way I want now. And I know that you want it too. I don’t understand why you’re doing this. You said you wouldn’t be weird about it, and that’s exactly what you’re doing.”
    Gabriel stands up and stalks across the room, pacing back and forth in front of the breakfast bar. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he rasps. “I don’t ever want to hurt you.”
    I stand up and follow him, wrapping my arms around his hard body. He turns into me and I press my cheek to his warm chest, inhaling the comforting scent that is uniquely Gabriel.
    “Did you ever feel like this before?” I ask carefully. “When you were doing the same thing to countless other women?”
    “No,” he says quietly.
    “Well, why not? Why do you feel like that now?”
    “Because.” He squeezes me in his arms. “I didn’t love them. I didn’t feel bad about doing it to them because they were all using me too. But it’s different with you…”
    “But it wasn’t different before I told you what happened to me,” I interrupt. “And now all of the sudden it is?”
    “I don’t know,’ Gabriel mutters, confusion settling in his eyes.
    “You like dominating me,” I say. “You told me in the beginning that was part of who you are.”
    “Of course I like it,” he groans. “But that doesn’t make it right.”
    “Don’t you get it?” I plead. “I like what you do to me. More than that… I love it. In a world where it feels like there is uncertainty around every corner, the only place I feel safe, the only place I have ever felt safe, is when I’m in your arms, Gabriel. When I’m vulnerable to you. You’ve taught me how to trust again.”
    He takes a deep breath, pulling me closer. “But…”
    “No, Gabriel. You can’t change things now,” I say adamantly. “You can just love me for who I am. Just as I love you for who you are.”
    “I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize that I’m a bad man, Victoria. That I’ve done bad things to you. I never want you to feel that way again.”
    I reach up on my toes, kissing his neck softly as I run my fingers through his hair. “You’ve never hurt me, Gabriel. And I’m not delusional about what we have. I need you to trust me to know what I need from you, the same thing I’ve always needed from you. The man I fell in love with, that’s the man I want.”
    He sighs as he pulls me into him, showering my face with gentle kisses while his hands skate beneath my shirt, heating my skin everywhere he touches.
    “I want to bury myself in you, baby,” he says, his voice pained.
    I moan my assent as his hand finds my nipple, toying with it beneath the lace of my bra. Gabriel grunts as he swings my legs up around his hips and carries me back to his bedroom.
    We tear off each other’s clothes and spend the next three hours making love. And just like that, my world is right again.

 
    Chapter Twelve
    Victoria
     
     
    The next morning I wake to find the space next to me empty again. I’m just about to groan with frustration when Gabriel peeks his head around the door.
    “Good morning baby,” he says mischievously.
    “What are you up to?” I mutter. “Come back to bed.”
    “What do you mean?” he laughs, walking towards me slowly. “Can’t a guy just say good morning to his beautiful girlfriend?”
    My face softens at his words. “Don’t try to schmooze me, Maddox, I know you’re up to something. Now spill the beans.”
    “I’m not up to anything.” He grins. “I’m just happy. I shouldn’t have let everything get to me the way it did.”
    “No, you shouldn’t have,” I admonish. “And you should have just talked to me, instead of going all weird on me.”
    “Duly noted,” he says, leaning in for a