road. I tooted on a blunt in the car not wanting my high to wear off before we made it to the bedroom. Kai fed me hard candy on the way home in order to keep my mouth wet. I roled it around my mouth with my tongue trying to savor the sweet taste as long as possible. Kai had introduced me to a new feeling that I would never forget.
CHAPTER 8
The summer had flown by and the end was almost near. I hadn’t seen my boys in a longtime, partly because I wasn’t alowed in the house and partly because I couldn’t face them. Wel Jay gave me the okay to meet Jalal at the house and take him to get a few things for school so I was extra excited to get off of work for the weekend. Having to be told what I could and couldn’t do with my own son’s made me feel like a deadbeat parent. This must be what it was like to get visitation rights. I wondered if having a lack of control is what makes deadbeat parents give up. Yes you messed up and maybe you didn’t come around as much as possible but when you are ready to step up should it be on the other person’s terms only? I wasn’t sure of the right answer. But I wasn’t going to let my ego stop me from hanging out with Jalal just to argue with Jay. Plus Jalal was old enough to make his own decisions. If it weren’t for the fact that he was ignoring me and that I would have to come to the house, I wouldn’t of spoke to Jay about it at al. I text him and told him I would be there after work and even though he didn’t respond I knew none of my boys turn down freebies. So as soon as I got off of work I zoomed over to the house to see my family. Jay was stil at the shop and Jason’s car wasn’t parked out front, which was a relief to me because I knew that our first encounter would be an awkward one.
Kahliyah was sitting on the front steps talking on her cel phone chatting away. Loud and ghetto as usual she was a reminder of the life I had left behind, but not a negative one. The grass and hedges were neatly trimmed and the walk way was nice and clear. A dream like feeling overcame me as I got out the car and walked up the walk way. So many times I had a vision of the fight Jay and I had; ways that I could have made things different and things that I could’ve said.
I had pictured the house to be a cluttered mess and my husband begging me to come back after realizing it was just one big mistake. Whether or not I was going to take him back was always the mystery. Yes some crazy little dream I had concocted in my head, but dreams can easily be turned into reality. I was actualy kind of happy to see Kahliyah. The memory of my old life put a glow on my face for the moment.
She Jumped up and gave me a hug screaming, “Mom you look great!” as she embraced me.
Usualy I would’ve been turned off by those words but I hugged her back and gave into a quick conversation about her summer and my 25lb weight loss. She looked cute today in a long pink strapless summer dress and her hair in a tight bun.
“You look nice Kahliyah.”
“Thanks mom,” she smiled, “I had a slight style change.”
“Glad to see that. Is my son upstairs?”
“Yea, I’m not sure what he’s doing, but he’s upstairs.”
I made my way into the house I was stunned to see everything was exactly how I left it. For some reason I expected things to be completely out of order. But instead, the house was clean no dishes in the sink or anything. They weren’t missing me at al. Feelings of shame overcame me as I realized how easily I made it to be replaced. I wasn’t the best housekeeper, but I kept my house tidy. Yet, these monstrous men who always gave me a hard time with keeping the house in order, were maintaining just fine with me gone.
I looked over a pile of mail with my name on it but nothing important was there. Once Jay drained the account I took my name off al of the bils so there was nothing but junk mail. I looked around for Jalal but he wasn’t anywhere on the first floor. Slowly
CHAPTER 8
The summer had flown by and the end was almost near. I hadn’t seen my boys in a longtime, partly because I wasn’t alowed in the house and partly because I couldn’t face them. Wel Jay gave me the okay to meet Jalal at the house and take him to get a few things for school so I was extra excited to get off of work for the weekend. Having to be told what I could and couldn’t do with my own son’s made me feel like a deadbeat parent. This must be what it was like to get visitation rights. I wondered if having a lack of control is what makes deadbeat parents give up. Yes you messed up and maybe you didn’t come around as much as possible but when you are ready to step up should it be on the other person’s terms only? I wasn’t sure of the right answer. But I wasn’t going to let my ego stop me from hanging out with Jalal just to argue with Jay. Plus Jalal was old enough to make his own decisions. If it weren’t for the fact that he was ignoring me and that I would have to come to the house, I wouldn’t of spoke to Jay about it at al. I text him and told him I would be there after work and even though he didn’t respond I knew none of my boys turn down freebies. So as soon as I got off of work I zoomed over to the house to see my family. Jay was stil at the shop and Jason’s car wasn’t parked out front, which was a relief to me because I knew that our first encounter would be an awkward one.
Kahliyah was sitting on the front steps talking on her cel phone chatting away. Loud and ghetto as usual she was a reminder of the life I had left behind, but not a negative one. The grass and hedges were neatly trimmed and the walk way was nice and clear. A dream like feeling overcame me as I got out the car and walked up the walk way. So many times I had a vision of the fight Jay and I had; ways that I could have made things different and things that I could’ve said.
I had pictured the house to be a cluttered mess and my husband begging me to come back after realizing it was just one big mistake. Whether or not I was going to take him back was always the mystery. Yes some crazy little dream I had concocted in my head, but dreams can easily be turned into reality. I was actualy kind of happy to see Kahliyah. The memory of my old life put a glow on my face for the moment.
She Jumped up and gave me a hug screaming, “Mom you look great!” as she embraced me.
Usualy I would’ve been turned off by those words but I hugged her back and gave into a quick conversation about her summer and my 25lb weight loss. She looked cute today in a long pink strapless summer dress and her hair in a tight bun.
“You look nice Kahliyah.”
“Thanks mom,” she smiled, “I had a slight style change.”
“Glad to see that. Is my son upstairs?”
“Yea, I’m not sure what he’s doing, but he’s upstairs.”
I made my way into the house I was stunned to see everything was exactly how I left it. For some reason I expected things to be completely out of order. But instead, the house was clean no dishes in the sink or anything. They weren’t missing me at al. Feelings of shame overcame me as I realized how easily I made it to be replaced. I wasn’t the best housekeeper, but I kept my house tidy. Yet, these monstrous men who always gave me a hard time with keeping the house in order, were maintaining just fine with me gone.
I looked over a pile of mail with my name on it but nothing important was there. Once Jay drained the account I took my name off al of the bils so there was nothing but junk mail. I looked around for Jalal but he wasn’t anywhere on the first floor. Slowly
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