piece of ass, isn’t he? If I was thirty years younger I wouldn’t mind having a go at that myself. Please tell me you’ve slept with him.’
‘I’m not his girlfriend, I’m from …’
‘Castle Heritage, yes I know. You’re here to see if you can give him a grant for his castle. Which of course you can’t, the place looks completely ludicrous. Not his fault of course, bless him. But you knew you couldn’t help him as soon as you laid eyes on the place, yet you’re still here, so I can only presume it’s because you’re banging him. Is he good in bed?’
‘I …’
‘Oi Gladys, don’t ask her those sorts of questions.’ A lady with her hair in curlers came bustling through the open back door.
‘Of course, we should wait for Lavender first. Milly, this is Constance.’
‘How did you know my name?’
‘Oh love, nothing happens in this village, nothing at all, apart from the Summer Solstice celebrations. But you arriving, well, it’s like fresh blood, see?’ Constance said.
‘Fresh blood?’
‘A new face, someone from the outside. It’s exciting.’
A very round, very short old lady squeezed her way through the back door and Milly immediately noticed her purple hair. This wasn’t the faded greyish purple synonymous with old ladies, this was bright, Cadbury’s purple.
‘Did I miss anything?’ Lavender asked, squeezing onto the three seater sofa with Constance and Gladys, facing Milly as if they were some bizarre interview panel.
‘Milly’s having sex with Cameron,’ Gladys said.
‘I’m not,’ Milly protested.
‘Well, she wants to.’
‘No I don’t.’
The three old ladies guffawed loudly.
‘Oh honey, every lady in this village wants to have sex with Cameron Heartstone. If you don’t, there must be something wrong with you,’ Lavender said.
‘He is a paying client and it would be very unprofessional of me …’
The ladies laughter interrupted her again.
‘I’ve seen it in my tea leaves,’ Lavender said, her voice taking on a tone of wonder and mystique. ‘You and he are going to get married before the year is out.’
‘It’s June!’ Milly said in disbelief.
The ladies nodded in unison.
‘So I’m going to get married in the next six months? I barely know the man.’
‘The wedding happens very soon. When you find the right person, there’s no point in hanging around,’ Lavender said.
‘So are you two coming to the Summer Solstice celebrations on Friday?’ Gladys asked.
‘I don’t know,’ Milly said.
‘You should, it’s a wonderful, liberating evening, lots of entertainment. There’s a play that all the men take part in. We asked Cameron if he wanted a role but he said no.’
‘He’s not really the socialising, acting kind of person,’ Milly said.
Gladys leaned forward. ‘He should do it. Taking part in the play would make them love him. He really isn’t very popular with the villagers at the moment after sacking them all.’
‘He has no money to pay them. It seems his mad old uncle Boris spent every penny on big parties, fancy turrets and beautiful jewels.’
‘Oooooh … the Heartstone Treasure,’ they collectively whispered.
‘I’m sure it doesn’t exist,’ Milly said.
‘It exists, all right,’ Lavender said as the black cat leapt on her lap and stared at Milly in what she took to be an evil way.
‘Have you seen it?’
‘No one has seen it,’ Constance said.
Milly sighed with exasperation.
‘Legend has it that it’s still in the castle, that the ghost of the Grey Lady guards over it.’
Milly sat up straighter. ‘You know about the ghost?’
Lavender’s eyes widened. ‘You’ve seen her?’
Milly hesitated and nodded.
‘She only shows herself to descendants of the Heartstone line,’ Lavender said.
‘No that’s not true. There was that time that travelling merchant came to the castle, supposedly to steal the treasure. The Grey Lady scared him off, it was said he died of fright,’ Constance said. ‘But
‘I’m not his girlfriend, I’m from …’
‘Castle Heritage, yes I know. You’re here to see if you can give him a grant for his castle. Which of course you can’t, the place looks completely ludicrous. Not his fault of course, bless him. But you knew you couldn’t help him as soon as you laid eyes on the place, yet you’re still here, so I can only presume it’s because you’re banging him. Is he good in bed?’
‘I …’
‘Oi Gladys, don’t ask her those sorts of questions.’ A lady with her hair in curlers came bustling through the open back door.
‘Of course, we should wait for Lavender first. Milly, this is Constance.’
‘How did you know my name?’
‘Oh love, nothing happens in this village, nothing at all, apart from the Summer Solstice celebrations. But you arriving, well, it’s like fresh blood, see?’ Constance said.
‘Fresh blood?’
‘A new face, someone from the outside. It’s exciting.’
A very round, very short old lady squeezed her way through the back door and Milly immediately noticed her purple hair. This wasn’t the faded greyish purple synonymous with old ladies, this was bright, Cadbury’s purple.
‘Did I miss anything?’ Lavender asked, squeezing onto the three seater sofa with Constance and Gladys, facing Milly as if they were some bizarre interview panel.
‘Milly’s having sex with Cameron,’ Gladys said.
‘I’m not,’ Milly protested.
‘Well, she wants to.’
‘No I don’t.’
The three old ladies guffawed loudly.
‘Oh honey, every lady in this village wants to have sex with Cameron Heartstone. If you don’t, there must be something wrong with you,’ Lavender said.
‘He is a paying client and it would be very unprofessional of me …’
The ladies laughter interrupted her again.
‘I’ve seen it in my tea leaves,’ Lavender said, her voice taking on a tone of wonder and mystique. ‘You and he are going to get married before the year is out.’
‘It’s June!’ Milly said in disbelief.
The ladies nodded in unison.
‘So I’m going to get married in the next six months? I barely know the man.’
‘The wedding happens very soon. When you find the right person, there’s no point in hanging around,’ Lavender said.
‘So are you two coming to the Summer Solstice celebrations on Friday?’ Gladys asked.
‘I don’t know,’ Milly said.
‘You should, it’s a wonderful, liberating evening, lots of entertainment. There’s a play that all the men take part in. We asked Cameron if he wanted a role but he said no.’
‘He’s not really the socialising, acting kind of person,’ Milly said.
Gladys leaned forward. ‘He should do it. Taking part in the play would make them love him. He really isn’t very popular with the villagers at the moment after sacking them all.’
‘He has no money to pay them. It seems his mad old uncle Boris spent every penny on big parties, fancy turrets and beautiful jewels.’
‘Oooooh … the Heartstone Treasure,’ they collectively whispered.
‘I’m sure it doesn’t exist,’ Milly said.
‘It exists, all right,’ Lavender said as the black cat leapt on her lap and stared at Milly in what she took to be an evil way.
‘Have you seen it?’
‘No one has seen it,’ Constance said.
Milly sighed with exasperation.
‘Legend has it that it’s still in the castle, that the ghost of the Grey Lady guards over it.’
Milly sat up straighter. ‘You know about the ghost?’
Lavender’s eyes widened. ‘You’ve seen her?’
Milly hesitated and nodded.
‘She only shows herself to descendants of the Heartstone line,’ Lavender said.
‘No that’s not true. There was that time that travelling merchant came to the castle, supposedly to steal the treasure. The Grey Lady scared him off, it was said he died of fright,’ Constance said. ‘But
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