Fae by Emily White

my
spine.
    Maybe if I just didn't
think about it.
    The corridor outside my
room was brightly lit and empty. It didn't seem like it was hiding
anything, but I realized now that bad guys didn't always hide in
the dark. Sometimes they faced you head on, pretending they
belonged in the light.
    As I guessed, Cailen's
door and room remained untouched, by both Cailen himself and
whatever pile of crap vandal who might decide to go harassing
someone they were too scared to face.
    I dropped my bag on the
floor and climbed into Cailen's bed. I pulled his sheets up to my
chin. Everything was covered with his sweet, musky scent. I
breathed it in, letting the reminder of his absence burn at the
back of my throat.
    I wanted Cailen to be
there so badly. My insides ached with needing him beside me. And I
needed to know more about Anna. I was fighting hard against the
doubt, but I knew I didn't have the strength to keep it up, and
finding myself alone, recovering from a recent attack, I knew I
didn’t have much more strength to keep hope alive.
    So I stuffed my face into
his pillow and pretended everything was all right. Tomorrow, I'd
see him again whether he came or not.
    ***
    The next morning, I
skipped breakfast. And Cailen didn't show up.
    I sat on his bed with my
legs pressed against my chest and my chin resting on my knees for
hours. Finally, when the signal for lunch dinged through the walls
and Cailen still never showed up, I decided it was time to
go.
    My plan was to transport
to his ship first and then come back for Meir. If anything went
wrong, I didn't want to kill Meir in the process. My stomach
flopped a little bit thinking about that. I closed my eyes and took
a deep breath.
    I would get through
this.
    Before I did anything,
though, I needed to change. Three days in the same outfit and I was
starting to smell a bit ripe. I didn't care if the cloth was super
special, it didn't keep odors out at all. And boy did I have odors.
Actually, I probably should have thought about showering, but the
facilities were down at the other end of the hall and I did not
want to go for a walk.
    So, I slipped out of my
green dress and pulled my second favorite out of the bag. It was
silver with blue accents. I don't know why I liked the colors. They
just seemed so magical. Plus, it didn't hurt that the first time
Cailen had seen it on me he'd stared for a really long time. That
had to be a good sign.
    After that was all done
and I smelled at least halfway less link a stink pit, I clutched my
bag in my hands and let my wings slide out from beneath my skin. My
heart thudded in protest. I took a deep breath and tried to ignore
the way my skin crawled and my muscles clenched.
    But I would do this. I
needed to.
    I grit my teeth and
flapped my wings. Before they'd moved an inch, my body seized over
in panic. I couldn't breathe. My lungs gasped for breath. Sweat
pooled on every inch of my skin and I knew I couldn't do
it.
    I rolled onto the floor
and hugged my knees to my chest. My body shuddered as I thought
about what I'd just almost done. Phantom pain ripped at my wings
and I clenched my stomach to keep from throwing up.
    So there was the truth. I
couldn't leave on my own. I just hoped Cailen would get there soon,
or the war would just start. Either way, the hiding had to
stop.
    After an hour of
struggling to keep the sparse contents of my stomach in place—and
almost failing on more than one occasion—I decided I needed
do something to
distract me. So I threw my bag onto Cailen's bed and stretched out
onto the cold, bare floor. Goosebumps popped onto my skin and I
winced when my back hit the ice cold metal.
    Cailen had been training
me for weeks, getting me ready for the upcoming battles. He’d
always said my style of fighting was sporadic and only powerful the
same way a drowning man might kick up more water than a skilled
swimmer. It was effective for a very short time, but if I didn’t
win immediately, I wouldn’t have the stamina to keep it