is nothing I ha ven’t said a dozen times before.
“Ash?” She quietly waited for any sign he was still there.
“I’m
here.”
“Okay,
wasn’t sure if the call dropped or something else happened. If I’ve pushed, I’m
sorry, but this is something I need to know.”
“I
can’t believe yo u’d take a chance on a relationship
with me when we live eighteen hundred miles apart.”
“Why?
For as long as we’ve known each other, with all the things we’ve talked about,
why wouldn’t you believe I’d feel we should take this step? And who is saying
I’ll always be eighteen hundred miles away? Neither
of us is getting any younger. Frankly, I’m tired of not being truly happy, and
I think we can do that for each other. Because you know what you want and have
values. There is no one I have more in common with than
you, unless you’ve been feeding me lines for the past several years.”
“No,
I’ve never given you anything but the straight truth. I can’t help thinking
you’ll get here only to be disappointed.”
“Whatever…if
anyone is disappointed it
will probably be you. I believe you think more of me than I deserve.”
Her pen glided effortlessly over the page she nervously doodled on. The
scribbling said— Stop pushing! Stop pushing! You’re
practically begging. Stop! She had to get her emotions under control. She would not beg a man to have her. Never again would she give
herself completely to a man . The pain would be too great when things went south if she
didn’t keep part of herself hidden away.
“Stop
right now. You’re a beautiful woman who makes my heart smile at leas t twice a day. How can any man be disappointed in you?”
“Well,
I know a few.”
“Yeah,
well I know several women who will tell you I’m a big disappointment.”
“They
can say all they want. Other people’s opinions don’t mean a thing to me. Not my
fault they di dn’t know what they had.” She would get
her point through to him one of these days. Just because other relationships
didn’t work didn’t mean he was an awful person unworthy of love.
“Woman,
you sure are good for a man’s ego. But—”
“You
know what, never min d . There’s really no reason to fix something that isn’t
broken. I get it. I have to go. I need to make some calls
for work and get some plans drawn up.” She had to get off the phone. She’d made
a big enough fool of herself for the day.
“Uh …sure. Are you ok ay?”
“I’m
fine. I just need to get this stuff done and out of the way.”
“Okay,
talk to you soon.”
“Bye,
Ash.”
Jess
slid her thumb over the red phone icon, ending the conversation.
Finding
a place to live, getti ng settled, and adjusting to a new job would take up most of her time
for a while anyway. No sense in muddying the waters with a
relationship on top of the stress of a major life change.
If
she repeated everything enough, she’d eventually convince herself it was all
for the best. His i nsecurities drove her crazy, but
she completely understood. Trust didn’t come easy to someone like Ash. Being
used by more than one partner wasn’t something easily forgotten.
*
* * *
Ash
started his day with a good morning text to Jess.
Good
morning, h on. ;-)
They
had only missed a few mornings in four years, but made up for it with a “ good afternoon ” on those days. She was too funny with her apologies for being late, but she
probably found him funny with his apologies for forgetting his phone at home.
He
worried she wouldn’t return his “ good
morning ” today. He’d possibly screwed up the
best thing to happen to him in as long as he could remember. Meeting Jess
Thomas had been a gift from above that he’d probably thrown away the day before . So unprepared for her offer to meet, he’d stumbled for things to say without revealing
he was a coward and didn’t want her to realize the truth. It’s not like he
didn’t want to hold her in his arms even for a day,
“Ash?” She quietly waited for any sign he was still there.
“I’m
here.”
“Okay,
wasn’t sure if the call dropped or something else happened. If I’ve pushed, I’m
sorry, but this is something I need to know.”
“I
can’t believe yo u’d take a chance on a relationship
with me when we live eighteen hundred miles apart.”
“Why?
For as long as we’ve known each other, with all the things we’ve talked about,
why wouldn’t you believe I’d feel we should take this step? And who is saying
I’ll always be eighteen hundred miles away? Neither
of us is getting any younger. Frankly, I’m tired of not being truly happy, and
I think we can do that for each other. Because you know what you want and have
values. There is no one I have more in common with than
you, unless you’ve been feeding me lines for the past several years.”
“No,
I’ve never given you anything but the straight truth. I can’t help thinking
you’ll get here only to be disappointed.”
“Whatever…if
anyone is disappointed it
will probably be you. I believe you think more of me than I deserve.”
Her pen glided effortlessly over the page she nervously doodled on. The
scribbling said— Stop pushing! Stop pushing! You’re
practically begging. Stop! She had to get her emotions under control. She would not beg a man to have her. Never again would she give
herself completely to a man . The pain would be too great when things went south if she
didn’t keep part of herself hidden away.
“Stop
right now. You’re a beautiful woman who makes my heart smile at leas t twice a day. How can any man be disappointed in you?”
“Well,
I know a few.”
“Yeah,
well I know several women who will tell you I’m a big disappointment.”
“They
can say all they want. Other people’s opinions don’t mean a thing to me. Not my
fault they di dn’t know what they had.” She would get
her point through to him one of these days. Just because other relationships
didn’t work didn’t mean he was an awful person unworthy of love.
“Woman,
you sure are good for a man’s ego. But—”
“You
know what, never min d . There’s really no reason to fix something that isn’t
broken. I get it. I have to go. I need to make some calls
for work and get some plans drawn up.” She had to get off the phone. She’d made
a big enough fool of herself for the day.
“Uh …sure. Are you ok ay?”
“I’m
fine. I just need to get this stuff done and out of the way.”
“Okay,
talk to you soon.”
“Bye,
Ash.”
Jess
slid her thumb over the red phone icon, ending the conversation.
Finding
a place to live, getti ng settled, and adjusting to a new job would take up most of her time
for a while anyway. No sense in muddying the waters with a
relationship on top of the stress of a major life change.
If
she repeated everything enough, she’d eventually convince herself it was all
for the best. His i nsecurities drove her crazy, but
she completely understood. Trust didn’t come easy to someone like Ash. Being
used by more than one partner wasn’t something easily forgotten.
*
* * *
Ash
started his day with a good morning text to Jess.
Good
morning, h on. ;-)
They
had only missed a few mornings in four years, but made up for it with a “ good afternoon ” on those days. She was too funny with her apologies for being late, but she
probably found him funny with his apologies for forgetting his phone at home.
He
worried she wouldn’t return his “ good
morning ” today. He’d possibly screwed up the
best thing to happen to him in as long as he could remember. Meeting Jess
Thomas had been a gift from above that he’d probably thrown away the day before . So unprepared for her offer to meet, he’d stumbled for things to say without revealing
he was a coward and didn’t want her to realize the truth. It’s not like he
didn’t want to hold her in his arms even for a day,
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