just a little louder. I don’t believe Mrs. Bigelow across the street heard you clearly.”
Ripley set her teeth, rocked back on her heels. “I gave you too much credit, I see that. I figured you’d kick his ass, one way or the other. Then dust your hands off and walk away. I don’t know why I thought you had it in you. You never did.”
“What does that mean?”
“Just what I said. You want to cozy up with Sam, go right ahead. Don’t look for me to pick up the pieces when he breaks you again.”
Mia bent to set down her garden trowel. Even a controlled and civilized woman had to take care when she had a weapon in her hand. “You needn’t worry. I’ve had experience in that area with you. You cut me off every bit as coldly, as completely as he did. Cut yourself off, for tenyears, from the gift we share and all its joys and responsibilities. Yet I still manage to join hands with you when it’s necessary.”
“I didn’t have a choice.”
“Convenient, isn’t it, how when one devastates another, it’s always because there wasn’t a choice.”
“I couldn’t help you.”
“You could’ve been there. I needed you to be there,” Mia said quietly, and turned to go.
“I couldn’t.” Ripley took her arm, wrapped her fingers tight. “It’s his goddamn fault. When he left you all you did was bleed, and I . . .”
“What?”
Ripley dropped her hand. “I don’t want to get into all this.”
“You kicked in the door, Deputy. Have the guts to step through it.”
“Fine, great.” She paced away, paced back. Temper still stained her cheeks, but her eyes were bleak. “You walked around like a zombie for weeks, barely functioning. Like somebody who hadn’t quite recovered, and never would, from some horrible illness.”
“It probably came from having my heart ripped out.”
“I know it, because I felt it too.” Fisting a hand, Ripley tapped it on her chest. “I felt what you felt. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I could barely get out of bed most days. It was like dying from the inside out.”
“If you’re talking about complete empathy, I’ve never—” Mia stammered.
“I don’t know what you call it,” Ripley snapped. “I experienced, physically, what you experienced. And I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to do something, wanted you to do something. Pay him back, make him hurt. And the longer it went on, the more angry I got. If I was mad, it didn’t hurt as much. I couldn’t think past the fury.”
She drew a breath. “I was standing outside, behind the house. Zack had just come in from a sail. Minutes before. And all this rage just rose up. I thought about what I wanted to do, what I could do. It was inside me to do it. I pulled lightning out of the sky. A black bolt. And it struck the boat where Zack had just been. A few minutes earlier, and I might have killed him. I couldn’t control it.”
“Ripley.” Shaken, appalled, Mia reached out to touch her arm. “It must have terrified you.”
“A few giant steps beyond terrified.”
“I wish you’d talked to me. I could’ve helped.”
“Mia, you couldn’t even help yourself.” Sighing as the weight slid off her shoulders, Ripley shook her head. “And I couldn’t take the chance of hurting someone. I couldn’t handle the—I don’t know—the intimacy of my link with you. I knew if I told you, you’d talk me out of giving up the Craft. I saw only one way out, and that was to pull back from you. From all of it, before I did something I couldn’t take back.”
“I was furious with you,” Mia countered.
“Yeah.” Ripley sniffled, but she was only marginally embarrassed. “I got mad back, and it got easier, maybe more comfortable for me, to be at odds with you than it had been to be your friend.”
“Maybe it got easier for me, too.” It was difficult to admit, after all the years when casting blame had helped soothe the hurt. “Sam was gone, but you were still here. Needling you whenever possible
Ripley set her teeth, rocked back on her heels. “I gave you too much credit, I see that. I figured you’d kick his ass, one way or the other. Then dust your hands off and walk away. I don’t know why I thought you had it in you. You never did.”
“What does that mean?”
“Just what I said. You want to cozy up with Sam, go right ahead. Don’t look for me to pick up the pieces when he breaks you again.”
Mia bent to set down her garden trowel. Even a controlled and civilized woman had to take care when she had a weapon in her hand. “You needn’t worry. I’ve had experience in that area with you. You cut me off every bit as coldly, as completely as he did. Cut yourself off, for tenyears, from the gift we share and all its joys and responsibilities. Yet I still manage to join hands with you when it’s necessary.”
“I didn’t have a choice.”
“Convenient, isn’t it, how when one devastates another, it’s always because there wasn’t a choice.”
“I couldn’t help you.”
“You could’ve been there. I needed you to be there,” Mia said quietly, and turned to go.
“I couldn’t.” Ripley took her arm, wrapped her fingers tight. “It’s his goddamn fault. When he left you all you did was bleed, and I . . .”
“What?”
Ripley dropped her hand. “I don’t want to get into all this.”
“You kicked in the door, Deputy. Have the guts to step through it.”
“Fine, great.” She paced away, paced back. Temper still stained her cheeks, but her eyes were bleak. “You walked around like a zombie for weeks, barely functioning. Like somebody who hadn’t quite recovered, and never would, from some horrible illness.”
“It probably came from having my heart ripped out.”
“I know it, because I felt it too.” Fisting a hand, Ripley tapped it on her chest. “I felt what you felt. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I could barely get out of bed most days. It was like dying from the inside out.”
“If you’re talking about complete empathy, I’ve never—” Mia stammered.
“I don’t know what you call it,” Ripley snapped. “I experienced, physically, what you experienced. And I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to do something, wanted you to do something. Pay him back, make him hurt. And the longer it went on, the more angry I got. If I was mad, it didn’t hurt as much. I couldn’t think past the fury.”
She drew a breath. “I was standing outside, behind the house. Zack had just come in from a sail. Minutes before. And all this rage just rose up. I thought about what I wanted to do, what I could do. It was inside me to do it. I pulled lightning out of the sky. A black bolt. And it struck the boat where Zack had just been. A few minutes earlier, and I might have killed him. I couldn’t control it.”
“Ripley.” Shaken, appalled, Mia reached out to touch her arm. “It must have terrified you.”
“A few giant steps beyond terrified.”
“I wish you’d talked to me. I could’ve helped.”
“Mia, you couldn’t even help yourself.” Sighing as the weight slid off her shoulders, Ripley shook her head. “And I couldn’t take the chance of hurting someone. I couldn’t handle the—I don’t know—the intimacy of my link with you. I knew if I told you, you’d talk me out of giving up the Craft. I saw only one way out, and that was to pull back from you. From all of it, before I did something I couldn’t take back.”
“I was furious with you,” Mia countered.
“Yeah.” Ripley sniffled, but she was only marginally embarrassed. “I got mad back, and it got easier, maybe more comfortable for me, to be at odds with you than it had been to be your friend.”
“Maybe it got easier for me, too.” It was difficult to admit, after all the years when casting blame had helped soothe the hurt. “Sam was gone, but you were still here. Needling you whenever possible
Similar Books
