his right hand. My eyes went to his fingers
wanting them back on me. “It’s all about what you can do for them.”
“You seem to know this well. Have you had…”
twisting the blanket between my fingers, I kept my expression at bay
“...experience with these girls?”
“I’ve known a few, yes, but I’ve never had a girlfriend or anything like that.”
Well, now I feel stupid.
“Oh,” I said, nodding my head a little. That
truly surprised me. Aside from being shy, Parker had a confident side to him
that was attractive, and I knew damn well other girls saw that, especially the
ones that hung out at the tracks.
“You and Joey never did?”
I knew that was coming. Joey acted like I was
his, but we had always been just friends. “No, we’re just friends.”
“I just thought, well...” Parker shrugged, his
eyes narrowing a bit “...he may have said something.”
“No,” I stated firmly.
This wasn’t the first time Joey said we were
together. In the third grade, he bought me a dozen long stem roses on Valentine’s
Day and everyone thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend when all I did was
share my peanut butter and jelly sandwich with him. “I’ve never had a boyfriend
before.”
Parker shifted so he was sitting up against the
headboard. “Do you want to have sex?”
Did I want to?
Yes, I did. I wanted to have sex with Parker in
the worst way. Looking down at my jean shorts with the button still undone, it
was even more apparent to me that I wanted to.
“I do,” I said to him, watching his reaction
closely.
“Me too,” he said with a light burn to his
cheeks. “But not tonight, okay?”
Nodding, I felt a twinge of rejection, but I also
had enough nerve to keep me from arguing. I didn’t know why, but up until then,
I never thought Parker O’Neil would want to have sex with me. He was a
seventeen-year-old boy. Of course he wanted to have sex.
Don’t get me wrong, I imagined it a time or two
when watching him handle tools in the shop and the way his muscles flexed when
he would lift an engine. Yeah, I imagined it all right. But thinking he would
want to have sex with me, Rowan Jensen, his boss’ daughter? Nah, those thoughts
were distant.
July 2,
1997
A lot happened that summer. It was mostly a blur,
but as the Utah sun heated up, so did Parker and I. It was rare that we weren’t
together.
We spent many nights hanging out by the pool
getting to know each other. Under the
secure blanket of moonlight, we opened up to one another. He told me about his
dad and his memories of his mother. I told him about my mom and her accident and
why I felt like my parent’s needed me around. We understood each other, even if
we had completely different backgrounds, we came together. I had an entirely
different view on Parker after just a week there. The boy I stalked was just a
figment of my imagination. There was so much more to Parker as a person than I
ever realized.
He was smart, scary smart. I was convinced he was
some sort of encyclopedia. He could rattle off strange facts you wouldn’t think
a kid that spent his childhood straddling a bike would know.
He was sensitive. He cared deeply for Justin and
his grandmother, Elizabeth, his only living family on his mom’s side. And then
there was his love for Motocross.
That summer turned out to be one of the best
summers of my entire seventeen years. Of course it didn’t have much
competition, but any time I spent with Parker was great.
Even after our summer, and the times I saw him
throughout the last five years, any time I was with Parker, alone, was
memorable to me.
I remembered every touch, every kiss, and every
unspoken word he told me with just a look.
I remembered the real Parker.
It was Wednesday afternoon, and we were on our
way back from a ride when we ran into Dusty and another guy named Wesley
Cameron. While Parker seemed to tolerate Wesley, he wouldn’t give Dusty very
much. Dusty tried but it seemed the more Parker saw
wanting them back on me. “It’s all about what you can do for them.”
“You seem to know this well. Have you had…”
twisting the blanket between my fingers, I kept my expression at bay
“...experience with these girls?”
“I’ve known a few, yes, but I’ve never had a girlfriend or anything like that.”
Well, now I feel stupid.
“Oh,” I said, nodding my head a little. That
truly surprised me. Aside from being shy, Parker had a confident side to him
that was attractive, and I knew damn well other girls saw that, especially the
ones that hung out at the tracks.
“You and Joey never did?”
I knew that was coming. Joey acted like I was
his, but we had always been just friends. “No, we’re just friends.”
“I just thought, well...” Parker shrugged, his
eyes narrowing a bit “...he may have said something.”
“No,” I stated firmly.
This wasn’t the first time Joey said we were
together. In the third grade, he bought me a dozen long stem roses on Valentine’s
Day and everyone thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend when all I did was
share my peanut butter and jelly sandwich with him. “I’ve never had a boyfriend
before.”
Parker shifted so he was sitting up against the
headboard. “Do you want to have sex?”
Did I want to?
Yes, I did. I wanted to have sex with Parker in
the worst way. Looking down at my jean shorts with the button still undone, it
was even more apparent to me that I wanted to.
“I do,” I said to him, watching his reaction
closely.
“Me too,” he said with a light burn to his
cheeks. “But not tonight, okay?”
Nodding, I felt a twinge of rejection, but I also
had enough nerve to keep me from arguing. I didn’t know why, but up until then,
I never thought Parker O’Neil would want to have sex with me. He was a
seventeen-year-old boy. Of course he wanted to have sex.
Don’t get me wrong, I imagined it a time or two
when watching him handle tools in the shop and the way his muscles flexed when
he would lift an engine. Yeah, I imagined it all right. But thinking he would
want to have sex with me, Rowan Jensen, his boss’ daughter? Nah, those thoughts
were distant.
July 2,
1997
A lot happened that summer. It was mostly a blur,
but as the Utah sun heated up, so did Parker and I. It was rare that we weren’t
together.
We spent many nights hanging out by the pool
getting to know each other. Under the
secure blanket of moonlight, we opened up to one another. He told me about his
dad and his memories of his mother. I told him about my mom and her accident and
why I felt like my parent’s needed me around. We understood each other, even if
we had completely different backgrounds, we came together. I had an entirely
different view on Parker after just a week there. The boy I stalked was just a
figment of my imagination. There was so much more to Parker as a person than I
ever realized.
He was smart, scary smart. I was convinced he was
some sort of encyclopedia. He could rattle off strange facts you wouldn’t think
a kid that spent his childhood straddling a bike would know.
He was sensitive. He cared deeply for Justin and
his grandmother, Elizabeth, his only living family on his mom’s side. And then
there was his love for Motocross.
That summer turned out to be one of the best
summers of my entire seventeen years. Of course it didn’t have much
competition, but any time I spent with Parker was great.
Even after our summer, and the times I saw him
throughout the last five years, any time I was with Parker, alone, was
memorable to me.
I remembered every touch, every kiss, and every
unspoken word he told me with just a look.
I remembered the real Parker.
It was Wednesday afternoon, and we were on our
way back from a ride when we ran into Dusty and another guy named Wesley
Cameron. While Parker seemed to tolerate Wesley, he wouldn’t give Dusty very
much. Dusty tried but it seemed the more Parker saw
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